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joke
BillieTheBot
Posts: 8,721 Bot
in General Chat
This guy sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale."
He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the back yard. The guy goes into the back yard and sees an old dog sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yup," the mutt replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The dog looks up and says "Well, I discovered this gift pretty early on I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a bunch of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
The owner says "Ten dollars."
The guy says he'll buy him but asks the owner, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him?"
The owner replies, "He's such a f**king liar."
He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the back yard. The guy goes into the back yard and sees an old dog sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yup," the mutt replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The dog looks up and says "Well, I discovered this gift pretty early on I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a bunch of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
The owner says "Ten dollars."
The guy says he'll buy him but asks the owner, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him?"
The owner replies, "He's such a f**king liar."
Beep boop. I'm a bot.
0
Comments
He's got £500,000. Chris Tarrant asks him the big question for 1
million quid. "Paddy, for £1million, who was the great train robber?
Was it - A, Ronnie Barker...
B, Ronnie O'Sullivan...
C, Ronnie Corbett or..was it
D, Ronnie Biggs???"
Paddy say's..."Oi'll take de money please Chris" Chris reminds him
that he still has his 3 life lines left.
Paddy again say's.."Nope,
Oi'll take de money please Chris"
"You don't want to phone a friend?" says Chris.
"No t'anks, Oi'll take de money - foinal answer"
"OK" says Chris, looking bemused "give him a round of applause ladies
and gentlemen, Paddy goes away with £500,000.
However before you go, you'll obviously want to know what the answer
was Paddy?"
Paddy said "No, yer alroight, Oi knew de answer anyway, t'anks Chris"
"You knew it anyway!....are you mad!!!" asks Chris, "Are
you mental?"
Paddy says, "Oi moight be mental Chris....but Oi'm no feckin grass!"
Thought the first one was shite but that was brilliant...good one :thumb:
Bushmills...12 yrs old
The thieves went into a cinema.
The police stopped.
Then a guy asked:
"Why did u not folllow them in?"
He responded:
"Well, I've already seen the movie"
That is atrocious. Seriously.