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making friends

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
i'm hoping someone can give me some advice.

i'm just starting my second year of uni and have never felt so alone. i didn't make many friends last year, partly to do with a lack of self confidence, partly to do with lack of chances - our course was franchised out to a college which means i have to travel for an hour to get there and hour to get back. it also started before freshers week so we weren't able to attend many of the freshers events. all my flatmates bar 2 were erasmus students and only really socialised with the other erasmus students, mainly the ones from their own countries. the two people i did get on really well with have both left the area now, one getting married and the other finishing her course and moving away, they both seem too busy now to visit or meet up.

i also broke up with my boyfriend of 5ish years over the summer as i was unhappy in the relationship.

i thought this year would be different as i would have new flatmates but it turns out that ive been put with erasmus students again. i tried talking to some of the new freshers but i think they just thought i was a bit strange.

i'm so unhappy at the moment , i want to stay away from going back to self harming as i have done in the past but i feel so low that its getting really difficult. i just don't know what to do to change things.

any advice would be appreciated.

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well, you won't get any friends with that attitude unfortunately. :yes:

    The only two ways to meet friends are either to get lucky or be initiative.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    my advice: don't wear that cape you posted pics of in the fashion forum.

    also, can't you make friends with people on your course?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lipsy wrote:
    my advice: don't wear that cape you posted pics of in the fashion forum.

    also, can't you make friends with people on your course?

    :lol: that wasn't part of my plan!

    i had a fair bit of trouble with the girls on my course last year, there are two groups on my course - the young girls who spend all their time in the student bar or the clubs in the town and the ones who have children and husbands and go home to them at the end of the day and never go out. The younger girls were pretty horrible to me. i get on ok with the others but they aren't very sociable.

    i have looked into the societies but there isn't really anything non-sporty that interests me that is offered.Also my course takes up four full days a week with me leaving the house at 730am and not getting back til 6pm, so i don't want to commit to anything too time consuming. i have emailed for some info from a couple of societies but they seem to want two evenings a week minimum.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Another tip is to be proactive...ie be the one to suggest going somewhere after a lecture, getting someone's no/ringing them...and be upfront about your shyness because it makes you seem less aloof and breaks the ice a bit
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Just make general small talk and say something like "God, it's weird with all these new people I feel real shy!" kinda joke about it, breaks the ice.

    Just chat and join in conversation.... jesus it's not hard to make friends you just gotta fuck being self conscious and get on with it. Whats the worst that can happen as long as your talkative. Once people know you and things about you then your most of the way there.


    Thats just my experiences and I don't really think twice about making new friends because I'm mostly quite confident and go with the flow but being around a lot of people you don't know making you a loner isn't that nice. I get it sometimes at college when my mates aren't there, you get over it.

    Self-consciousness is kinda crap I;m glad I'm not easily embarrased/
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    lol I felt exactly like you did when i just started my new 6th form....but then I took kinda my natural instincts in a class..cracked a few jokes now and again if the mood was right..and soon enough I had a few people talking to me..then a few more etc etc..then girls..then BAM :D Just try and maybe make a few jokes :D
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,328 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i absolutely feel you girl. i aint got no friends now either. perhaps other people just dont understand how hard it can be to belong. especially when you see yourself so different. plus there are plenty of factors on why you have a hard time making friends.

    in my course i have no friends. right now i am in front of the computer because i have no friends to go to, to talk to, to drink with or just hang out. none at all. not even from the past. i have two friends whom i would run to in times of need but their in another country. im always alone. and i think everyone in college knows it already. what is even worse is i am good at (i think so) hiding my loneliness. i guess im just no good at keeping friends.

    i guess i have no problem in having peoplw know im a loner. somehow ive reinterpreted as something that makes me special. unique. im good looking, dress well, know how to handle myself and intelligent. but im still a loner. i still havent found a group or a group hasnt found me. perhaps you can say its been about 4 years now that i havent belonged in a group. a long time. i dont even know how to behave in a group since ive been along for so long. but i see it as like riding a bike. you never actually forget how to ride it.

    my reason for not having friends is way complicated. a lot of factors such as maintaining an alpha male position etc. i had plenty of time to self analyse my situation. so hows about yours? have you figured out why you have no friends right now? i suggest that you understand yourself fully first cos only then will you have a substantial view of the problem/situation. thats what ive done. and i must say that i socialise more now than a few years ago, though i havent kept any real friends. i am more confident about myself and i never give a shit about the things that will bring me down.

    i hope this helps somehow. let me know what you think. pm me or something. i want to help you. perhaps we can help understand each others situation.

    non eligitimi caberandum. :thumb:
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