If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options
This is my life?!?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Do you ever look at your life and think: is this it?
I've been with my partner for two and a half years now. In general we're happy ... but!! And that's the problem. There's always a but. I often just look at us and wonder why we're together. We get along okay. Surely a relationship should be more than okay. I constantly feel as if I'm having to work at it. I know relationships are all about compromise and stuff but surely there should be times when it feels easy.
I think that I love him. How do you know? I couldn't imagine not being with him. Is that enough though? When you're in a happy relationship do you still look at other blokes and wonder what it would be like to be with them? I do. All the time.
I'm not even sure who I am anymore. I used to be a happy person; always the life and soul of any party; always flirting and having fun. Now I just sit at home and I'm not even that much fun to be around. People actually think that there's something wrong when I'm being the real happy me, rather than the other way around.
How did I end up in this rut? How healthy is my relationship? Money and stuff is all tied up so it's not as if I can just walk away easily. I'm not really certain that I want to. I just feel lost. I don't want to eat. When I sleep, I have really weird dreams that linger all day long. I don't feel alive anymore; I just exist. I'm scared that if I don't get things sorted soon, then this will be it for the rest of my life. Please help me.
I've been with my partner for two and a half years now. In general we're happy ... but!! And that's the problem. There's always a but. I often just look at us and wonder why we're together. We get along okay. Surely a relationship should be more than okay. I constantly feel as if I'm having to work at it. I know relationships are all about compromise and stuff but surely there should be times when it feels easy.
I think that I love him. How do you know? I couldn't imagine not being with him. Is that enough though? When you're in a happy relationship do you still look at other blokes and wonder what it would be like to be with them? I do. All the time.
I'm not even sure who I am anymore. I used to be a happy person; always the life and soul of any party; always flirting and having fun. Now I just sit at home and I'm not even that much fun to be around. People actually think that there's something wrong when I'm being the real happy me, rather than the other way around.
How did I end up in this rut? How healthy is my relationship? Money and stuff is all tied up so it's not as if I can just walk away easily. I'm not really certain that I want to. I just feel lost. I don't want to eat. When I sleep, I have really weird dreams that linger all day long. I don't feel alive anymore; I just exist. I'm scared that if I don't get things sorted soon, then this will be it for the rest of my life. Please help me.
0
Comments
Maybe there's something else lacking other than your relationship...
maybe you're not ready to be settling down with this man either. life has a lot to offer and it's up to you to find that out.
well, I guess I was where you are recently. I just couldn't reconcile things in my head, I felt there should be more there for me.
I was like you, the life and soul, a serial flirt and at the time I thought I was missing out by being single, although I certainly wasn't unhappy. And then a relationship came along that I wasn't looking for and I was with him for 2 years. I ended it 2 weeks ago.
Whilst he didn't cause anything deliberately, I can, with hindsight see that my identity was stripped away bit by bit over time.
I used to live at home in a one horse town and yet managed to find the opportunity to be going out 3,4 or even 5 nights a week, crawling in at 4am on a Sat morn and going to work at my weekend job at 8.30 am, to come home at 1pm, sleep til 7pm and then be back in the pub (I wasn't always drinking, sometimes driving- realise this paragraph makes me sound like an alcoholic!!)
And then, I went to uni, in a huge city, with my own place and no parents, a great wodge of loan to spend, and I ended up with my bf and the nights out, the friends, the socialising just dwindled, so much so that it is at least 6 months since I last set foot in a nightclub.
I didn't finish things based purely on the lack of nights out, don't think I'm that shallow, but after spending 6 weeks where I was so confused and depressed about my relationship I realised that there simply wasn't enough there. We just didn't bring out the dynamic-ness in each other, we just became anti-social layabouts in each other's company.
Like I said, it wasn't about nightclubs, but at 20 I wasn't prepared to settle down with someone who actually said to me "I don't like going out".
Everyone is different and in no way am I saying that you should end it. But when I was going through my big mess trying to sort my head out I was told "You can be lonelier with someone than being on your own". It's true.
Good Luck whatever, and remember, if it really isn't right - be brave enough to walk away, it would be hard but sometimes things have to get worse so that eventually, they can get much better :thumb:
I know that I need a holiday but the thing is, in trying to help my other half sort out his money problems, I've got myself into a lot of debt. I really don't want to go on holiday when I can't afford it. That means I'm stuck at home (and possibly with this relationship) for anther 5 years.
Maybe it's just a case of the grass looking a lot greener over there.
Maybe it's the fact that my family won't speak to my other half and vice versa and so I never really feel settled. It's unlikely that their problems with one another will ever be reconciled.
I really do like my other half. I would never want to hurt him. I think that maybe I resent him for getting me into money difficulties. I've been working for two years in a relatively well-paid job yet I now owe more money that I ever did before. Sometimes I'm confused about whether I'm with him because I want to be or whether I'm just staying with him to get back all the money that he owes me. At other times, I know I use the money thing to get at him when we're arguing because he feels terrible about it as it is. It's just sooo confusing. Do I want out or in?
I've just turned 26 and maybe I'm just panicking because I'm now nearer to 30 than 20.
Hell, it's all just shit. Let's hope it's the Sunday afternoon blues. Even though I know it's not.