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daddy's little (grown up) princess
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Urgh. [huuuuge sigh] Warning - pissed off woman. SORRY ITS LONG x
My father is inexplainable. We have the fondest of relationships and love each other very much, but it's only been like that for the last few years.
He's had an obscure life with a very unstable upbringing. When he turned 18 he ran off to live in Israel and has since been all over and done practically everything before, or during his marriage to my mum.
He left a few years ago for another woman, and at this time the two of us did not have a relationship. We lived together and saw each other nearly every day however because he never had a proper dad, just men come and go, he could only relate to my older brother when we were growing up, and that was only because he was a little boy once. He never knew what to say to me or how to react with me, so he just didn't.
Anyway, when he left my brother stopped talking to him. I started talking to him because if we didnt talk to each other we'd never ever see each other again, so we were kind of forced into having this relationship, and at the time I didn't know that he's left for someone else so I was fine with him.
Then I found out he'd left for some other woman but tried desperately to keep things as good as possible between the two of us because I didnt want to lose someone I'd only just found.
So to cut a long story quite short, since then we've been very very close. He's very (I think) honest with me, and I am with him, especially in regards to feelings about people/things/situations.
However I failed to mention to him that I was a stripper. This was mainly for the reason that he now lives absolutely no where near me at all and it wasn't something I wanted to discuss with him over the phone, but also for the reason that with his temperamental state of mind, and the fact that because our relationship really only just began he still views me very much as his little girl and he's trying to 'protect' me in ways he should have when I was a child, even though he does seem proud of the adult he thought I had become. I knew for this reason it would absolutely kill him to know I was doing something 'as bad as' stripping.
Well he happened to talk to one of his old friends the other day who let slip that he'd found out my 'other job' and naturally dad didn't believe him, so he called me. I subsequently denied it on two seperate occasions purely because I wanted to tell him to his face, but then he started to call my mum and so I said she could tell him but that I didnt want him to call me untill he has accepted that I am an adult, I make my own decisions, have my own house/family and am mature and responsible enough to know when I am and when I am not doing the right thing for ME, because it's not up for discussion and I want him to just deal with it because as far as Im concerned it shouldnt be a big issue.
So he's not called me yet. He has sent me a tx just to say he loves me but Im still waiting for a call.
Do you think that was fair of me? Am I right to think that yes it will be hard for him to come to terms with the fact that his little girl is no longer a little girl, and hasn't been for some time, but that stripping isn't actually some great big taboo palava that everyone makes it out to be. Because quite frankly I haven't done anything wrong, and I dont see that there should be a problem with anyone stripping - it's just skin, it's not me.
Am I being unreasonable? Or should I be grovelling to him and apologising like I think he will expect me to when he calls?
My father is inexplainable. We have the fondest of relationships and love each other very much, but it's only been like that for the last few years.
He's had an obscure life with a very unstable upbringing. When he turned 18 he ran off to live in Israel and has since been all over and done practically everything before, or during his marriage to my mum.
He left a few years ago for another woman, and at this time the two of us did not have a relationship. We lived together and saw each other nearly every day however because he never had a proper dad, just men come and go, he could only relate to my older brother when we were growing up, and that was only because he was a little boy once. He never knew what to say to me or how to react with me, so he just didn't.
Anyway, when he left my brother stopped talking to him. I started talking to him because if we didnt talk to each other we'd never ever see each other again, so we were kind of forced into having this relationship, and at the time I didn't know that he's left for someone else so I was fine with him.
Then I found out he'd left for some other woman but tried desperately to keep things as good as possible between the two of us because I didnt want to lose someone I'd only just found.
So to cut a long story quite short, since then we've been very very close. He's very (I think) honest with me, and I am with him, especially in regards to feelings about people/things/situations.
However I failed to mention to him that I was a stripper. This was mainly for the reason that he now lives absolutely no where near me at all and it wasn't something I wanted to discuss with him over the phone, but also for the reason that with his temperamental state of mind, and the fact that because our relationship really only just began he still views me very much as his little girl and he's trying to 'protect' me in ways he should have when I was a child, even though he does seem proud of the adult he thought I had become. I knew for this reason it would absolutely kill him to know I was doing something 'as bad as' stripping.
Well he happened to talk to one of his old friends the other day who let slip that he'd found out my 'other job' and naturally dad didn't believe him, so he called me. I subsequently denied it on two seperate occasions purely because I wanted to tell him to his face, but then he started to call my mum and so I said she could tell him but that I didnt want him to call me untill he has accepted that I am an adult, I make my own decisions, have my own house/family and am mature and responsible enough to know when I am and when I am not doing the right thing for ME, because it's not up for discussion and I want him to just deal with it because as far as Im concerned it shouldnt be a big issue.
So he's not called me yet. He has sent me a tx just to say he loves me but Im still waiting for a call.
Do you think that was fair of me? Am I right to think that yes it will be hard for him to come to terms with the fact that his little girl is no longer a little girl, and hasn't been for some time, but that stripping isn't actually some great big taboo palava that everyone makes it out to be. Because quite frankly I haven't done anything wrong, and I dont see that there should be a problem with anyone stripping - it's just skin, it's not me.
Am I being unreasonable? Or should I be grovelling to him and apologising like I think he will expect me to when he calls?
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Comments
I think hes probably taken a big step in texting you, and ill bet he only did that because he knows he doesnt have any choice but to accept it, if he wants to keep a relationship with you.
I think you need to text or phone him and try and not talk about it. Dont rub his nose in it or expect him to be happy about it. If he tries to get you to quit, youre entitled to either tell him that its not up for discussion, or explain why you need to do it, but you probably wont be able to make him feel great about it.
If I was him, I would drop you like hot shit, just for the lies.
Now you are lying to yourself. Not a good idea.
Nothing to be ashamed of, eh? That's why you didn't tell him about it. More bullshit.
A better idea would be if you did, wouldn't it?
About the stripping? No. Up to you what you do.
About the lies, deceptions and half-truths you think you should be able to shovel at him, yes. How much respect do you have for him really if you can't be honest with him and fuck him around like this?
Whatever.
badabing, i personally think you should do what rainbow brite suggests, sort of offer an olive branch if you like. You only get one dad, and i personally think you should make the most of your time/relationship with him as you never know when he's gonna be taken away from you and then you'll never get a chance to make up/whatever...
You are being very harsh, I in the past have lied to my dad because he is so so overprotective, mainly to protect him from the truth, of minor things where he would completely flip.
I am not sure how old you are Babading, but I know how you feel, it is hard having to get the point across that YOU are now an ADULT and expect a little more respect.
I am sure given time although he may not accept it he will learn to understand why you do it.
Goodluck
If you want to chat about this I am happy to talk about many ways that i have had to deal with my problems, there are many which I do not want to discuss here but happy to do it another time.
i am sure you will be fine though
Yep. It's deliberate. The hand wringing and lack of self responsibility infuriates me. Another person who wants things both ways. I kind of figured that there would be a "there, there" approach to this moaning idiot.
To be an "adult" but to escape consequences.
To be "honest" and withold information.
To Badabing -
You have broken his trust in you. You have shown no loyalty or respect. 6he situation is entirely of your own making. You chose the job you do, you chose to lie, you chose to omit the truth. Then you chose to get him dancing around with this "texting isn't calling me" bullshit. (Oh and you wanted to speak to him face to face originally)
You chose to not check his feelings about your job, you assumed he wouldn't like it. Wouldn't have been that hard to bring up the topic - "I have a friend who is thinking about being a stripper, what do you think, Dad?".
Your original post is so full of contradictions that it's clear you need a reality check. Grow the fuck up please, and take responsibility for what you do.
bloody hell there's an angry little child in you Klintock.
First of all, don't vent your kept anger on me. I was not moaning, and if you'd have read my post correctly and in full in the first place before you and your '1,961 post count in less than 6 months' whore fingers decided to reply, you'd have noticed that there was a brief explanation followed by various questions. No 'pitty me' 'bullshit' as you like to address it.
Secondly I am not an 'idiot'. I have a number of academic qualifications and am currently studying for a BSc Honours degree in Forensic Science, as well as working and being a mother.
You keep addressing 'honesty' as being an issue here, which of course it is, however I could throw the fact that if you had read my post you'd have noticed my father left for another woman which raises a series of issues in regards to honesty, including that of the point that he concealed this fact from me.
And no, two wrongs don't make a right, but it proves my point that people do things to protect others, and at that time it feels like the right thing to do, so we do it. We're only human after all (which I seem to think you don't understand)
As for my 'lying' on this particular occasion, which you refer to as me 'fucking him around', there are (again if you read my original post) a number of reasons as to why these truth's were 'withheld' until we had had a chance to speak face to face about the situation, one of which you'll notice is because my father has (and I quote) 'A temperamental state of mind'. Which to me, and Im sure a few others who can read, shows I was trying to look out for his best interests, knowing that he wouldn't deal with this news particularly well and may do something stupid. Therefore I felt, and was right, that I should have been there to explain things and support him with this.
As for being an 'adult, but escaping consequences', I dont think you understand me. I, like most other people in the world, understand that there are consequences to everything, and have never tried to 'escape' them, and in some cases (I'll let you see if you can work out which ones shall I) I have encouraged them to come round sooner as I know they are better dealt with sooner rather than later. However for matters beyond my control my dad lives no where near me, and so this was always going to be a waiting game. You'll notice I wrote "I subsequently denied it on two seperate occasions purely because I wanted to tell him to his face", (I have highlighted the bit to acknowledge here just in case you miss it again).
Secondly from last (for now), If you'd have read correctly (yet again), I stated I had requested he only calls me when he had accepted thingsand then that he had sent me a text message to say that he loves me. Im not playing some 'tx vs call' game that you're making out in your vicous little way. Get you're facts straight before you try to be malicious.
As for your last comment - "Your original post is so full of contradictions that it's clear you need a reality check. Grow the fuck up please, and take responsibility for what you do". Well sweety, yet again if you'd have read my post you'd notice my 'contradictions' were full of human reasoning, and followed by questions, which is something we ask in order to find an answer or gain reassurance about a decision we have made. And as for 'growing the fuck up' and 'taking responsibility', well I did that when I had a baby at a young age and learnt the beauty of juggling work, study and motherhood. I've had more life experience than I think most people who yabble on for 12 posts a day on here could shake a stick at, so dont talk to me about growing the fuck up honey. And before you start going off on one about how it's all my fault and us whore teenagers shouldnt get knocked up and live off the social, my daughter is the result of a rape, and we never lived off the social.
You can't lie about something and then blame your dad for the lies. I'm sure you had your reasons, but you are fucking your father around with your lies and half-truths. I know you aren't intending to, but you are- that's what happens when you lie about important issues.
It takes a lot of courage to tell the truth about something that will hurt you both, but that is what you should have done. All this "he doesn't let me be an adult" argument is basically you trying desperately to convince yourself that your lies were necessary and are justified. My opinion is that they are neither, but that they are an understandable human reaction.
You should cut the crap, ring him, and come clean about it. Lying to him isn't "protecting" either him or you, because he WILL find out, and you will have destroyed all trust he has in you.
As things stands he will be disappointed and hurt that his daughter has resorted to getting her tits out for money, stripping is very seedy and nobody wants to see someone they care about being reduced to such levels of sleaze. He's a man, he knows what men think of strippers, and nobody wants people to think that about someone they care about, let alone their own daughter.
But if you don't cut the crap and be honest he will find out you have lied about it, and you will not only disappoint him, you will destroy all trust he has in you.
As for your rant at the end, klintock hasn't made any comments about your daughter, and I doubt he would, given his posts in politics. You are making things up.
Klintock has said things which I think are home truths that you don't like hearing. You do need to take responsibility for what you are saying- it's no use saying you only did it because of X, that is making excuses and evading responsibility. You chose to be a stripper knowing what any man who cares about you would think of it. You chose to lie to your dad about it. It's time you came clean about your lies, and started telling the truth.
however I still dont agree with the opinion that I am 'fucking my father around'. This is the only thing that I have not been entirely honest with him in regards to, and the intention was there, it's not like I've sat in my house and plotted some game that will mess with his head. I love this man more than anything after all and never want to see him hurt.
And I also disagree with the comment about stripping being seedy. I think in a lot of places yes, it is, but (and this isn't me being bias) there are places out there that aren't seedy, they may be to you if you dont agree with it, but I happen to think my club is actually a very lavish one, and in any case anyone here is more than welcome to come down and see for themelves. Im not even allowed to wear a dress that is shorter than my knee.
But that's beside the point because the discussion wasn't about that.
I value that they're you're opinions Kermit, and that's fine by me, everyone has them, and I appreciate the way in which you approached your point of view on the subject.
Maybe you should give lessons to other people on being able to express your point without aggression.
ou're not intending to, I appreciate that, but you are screwing him around by the simple fact you are consistently lying to him.
Lies always come back to bite you on the arse, and finding out his daughter is a liar will damage your relationship far more than your profession.
I should ahve explained myself better.
It doesn't matter what the packaging is like, how classy the club is, you are still getting your most intimate parts out for men to ogle over. You may wear a long dress, but you still take it off in the end. Stripping is inherently seedy, no matter how classy the surroundings. Strippers are always seen as "easy"- stripping is not posing, it is inherently sexual- and I can't think of a man on the planet who would be happy seeing his friend, daughter or sister doing that job, and having men thinking that about women he cares about.
You obviously sense this, otherwise you would have told your father what you do for a living. There is nothing wrong with your decision, but you need to realise that those choices have consequences, and one of the consequences of being a stripper is that everyone thinks you're a slut. It shouldn't be like that, but you are displaying yourself in a sexual setting for money, so people will think that. That will dent your father's pride, definitely, but if he finds out you've lied via other people then it will destroy his trust in you.
I don't think klintock was being aggressive until people jumped down his throat. He was being tactless, but that's not the same thing.
But, and I do appreciate that I take my dress off in the end, for me it's just skin. It might be seen as 'intimate' parts of myself, but Im not giving anyone any of me, just my skin. And that's just the suitcase.
>insert emotional reaction here< :rolleyes:
You are still a liar. Deal with it. The position you find yourself in is your own fault. Whatever I am, from hippie to pope won't change what you are one whit.
>insert emotional reaction here< :rolleyes:
You are still a liar. Deal with it. The position you find yourself in is your own fault. You are right, I should post more.
You are still a liar. Deal with it. The position you find yourself in is your own fault. All the degrees in the world won't take back the lies you have said.
Yes it does, but not yours. So, you are both liars. Great. how does this excuse your own behaviour exactly? Deal with it. The position you find yourself in is your own fault.
It's never you is it? It's daddy, or your skin, or the situation you are in, or the weather or your stars for the day. Fair play to you for living through a hard life, but now isn't the time to duck out. Ring Pops, apologise to him and throw him some sort of bone. Asking his advice would be a good way to get back on side and you don't even have to take it.
I would go on but you really aren't going to accept the fact that you are responsible for the lies you told and I have to go back to forum whoring. :wave:
If he's been all over and done everything, I wouldn't expect he'd have a problem?? Would obviously be different if he's an ivory-tower moralist.
Don't see the point in lying about it though - over the phone or otherwise. Nothing wrong with stripping imo, and if there's a problem, you should remember the problem is his and not yours.
Sometimes you just have to.