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No sex for ten years?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Somehow I've ended up in the position of not having had sex for nearly ten years. I've even had a couple of "girlfriends" in the last few years, but they always dumped me before we went all the way.
It's basically turning into a nightmare, as I feel I'm basically back at square one, a virgin, and pretty much a complete loser. You hear friends and colleagues complaining that they haven't got laid for a month or two, and I daren't mention my situation, for fear of complete and utter embarrassment.
In the last 12 months I've had a couple of what couple have been one night stands, but they both ended up with me failing to perform, I think probably due to complete terror. Most people think I'm fairly attractive and funny and all that, but my self-esteem, especially when thinking about being in bed with someone, is plunging quickly to zero.
Anyway, just thought I throw this out there...
It's basically turning into a nightmare, as I feel I'm basically back at square one, a virgin, and pretty much a complete loser. You hear friends and colleagues complaining that they haven't got laid for a month or two, and I daren't mention my situation, for fear of complete and utter embarrassment.
In the last 12 months I've had a couple of what couple have been one night stands, but they both ended up with me failing to perform, I think probably due to complete terror. Most people think I'm fairly attractive and funny and all that, but my self-esteem, especially when thinking about being in bed with someone, is plunging quickly to zero.
Anyway, just thought I throw this out there...
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Comments
Sex isn't at all important, now make yourself some female friends and, at the end of a wonderful evening, you'll soon forget what all the fuss was about.
If you did it once or twice it may give you back some confidence in the sack, cos if you get a floppy she wont care, she still gets paid. You get to have sex without any real pressure which is what you need!!
Can't think of any short term answers to your problem. 10 years if bloody long time to go without, you've most likely thought of paying for it and disagree with it. In which case I do not know how you can overcome this without waiting for a woman who will understand your problem and respect for you it.
Billybob has a point there
Maybe you just aint meeting enough women, get a hobby or something!
lol i just realised how stupid my username is
I would consider paying for sex to be crossing the line... I know it might be a good quick fix, but I'd like to be able to say in fifty years' time that I've never slept with a prostitute... call me old fashioned.
The problem with one night stands, apart from my terrible success rate so far, is that, well they could just be for that one night, and if you haven't done it for ten years, it would be nice to meet someone that you could do it with, well, more than once. (I'm assuming the first time with me will be pretty rubbish for all concerned anyway.)
It's difficult to balance not appearing to be desperate with the fear of sleeping with somone again and the pressure of ten years of unintentional abstinence. Sometimes it just gets too much, and whirls around in my head with no obvious conclusion, and I ended up posting to a web site!
I appreciate the getting back on the horse if you fall off analogy - I was just thinking, you could see each new day as one day longer without sex, or alternatively view it as one day closer towards meeting somone new. Personally I find it easier to take the pessimistic view most of the time, but I know it's not for the best.
Must try harder!
When I broke that year I had 3 in 3 weeks thats what happens to me anyway,
Anyway advice. 1stly dont beleive this everyones shagging but me thats bollox, I wouldnt go to a prostitute, youve managed to get someone to agree to have sex with you thats a start, quite a big start infact. the real loosers never get to that stage,
Honestly Id say try a one night stand again take it easy dont feel under too much pressure and if you cant get it up take some viagra not used it my self but young guys who have tell me they get an erection with out trying or thinking, so thats 1st get some and pop one if youve got a one night stand happening. Once youve done it once then next time will be easier.
Alternativly you might be alright with a girlfriend that way it can be taken slower and theres no prtessure to perform "now" it can be tomorrow after a long chat, so the build up with the relationship will make you more relaxed and you should be able to preform.
I dont know your age how old you look or how many mates youve got, Im assuming your 30's theres plenty of clubs for those ages, If youve got the mated hit them each weekend and try your luck with the lessa ttractive ones once youve done one or two your confidence will return and then yu vcan reasses your situation and lok for somrething more permament.
It's only not important if you're getting it on a regular basis.
If you go looking for sex you will find that the people you find are also needy and desperate, or that you won't find people at all. Needy and desperate isn't what you need. Needy and desperate isn't what other people need.
You could do with starting by looking at your self-esteem, and working on that. Work up to being sociable again, particularly with women. Work up to meeting people. Work up to meeting people you want to have sex with. Work up to sex.
You say you feel like you're a virgin again. Behave like a virgin, and take your time, and only have sex with someone who matters. It will help your performance as you won't be so desperate for the shag to be "the one".
yes. i agree. i think you need to take it slow. and you need to try and stop judging yourself on how much sex you've had; as beating yourself up in that way will undoubtably make the problem worse and your inability to perform won't improve.
ten years without sex and i would go nuts, its bad enough going ten days without. but as ginner said get some female friends and things will go the way you want it. you say the girls dump you before your moving on to it, do you think theres any particular reason for that or is it chance? do you come on too strong? etc
Believe me you get used to it! It just becomes a way of life, and you start to believe that sex is something that happens to other people.
The reason I've been dumped so many times recently? I don't know, maybe my inexperience... I've only really been properly going out with girls for the last three years, and it's been a fast learning curve. Initially I've tried to hide the fact I hadn't been out with anyone for years, but last time I was in a one night stand situation, I kind of told her all about it and the no sex thing, which probably made the whole thing into a bigger deal than it should have been. And nothing happened! I also assumed I'd see her again, but two days later she decided to get back together with her old boyfriend. What power I have!
Thing I hate the most is the impatience of waiting... I do try and get out and even do things like speed dating, but some people have said that I maybe come across like I'm trying too hard or I'm desperate (which I am, of course!) It's kind of like Catch 22. The longer it goes on the worse it gets, but the worse it gets the harder it is to resolve. Oh well.
i know what its like to have no sex for a long time
i was 33 before i lost my virginity , and i ended up paying for
it in a one nite stand, i had sex again aweek after and i wanted more
but like u same story , had girls i new, but none in that way
im and i think church for me had a lot to do with my anxziety(spell)
about sex, alot of my friends in the age bracket of 24 36 were getting
married, having kids etc and telling me how wonderfull there sexlife was and they were getting it every nite., i just wanted them to shut up :banghead:
In this age now and time , its a lot harder to find that someone special,
u hear of so many bad stories u think whats the point,
i dont know what the answer is, im looking for that myself
I do get soo fed up with masturbating all the time it drives me friggn nuts :mad:
but dont know what else to do, a couple of friends had gone over seas for mail order brides if thats what u call it , but im not sure if thats the answer either
:grump:
It always anoys me when people pretend they "have to shag" very regularly or theyd go mad wouldnt you ?
One bloke who loved exajerated sex stories got a case of something and the doctor told him no sex for 3 weeks, this was when I did a bit of building site work, "No sex for 3 weeks can you imagin that" he told me cant remember what I said but later I was taking the pissout of him (when he wasnt there) for making out that 3 weeks is a long time and he'd never gone that long all the other lads were laughing they thought him a bit of a twat.