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Pissed off at being let down
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Just a quick rant here, I'm just so pissed of right now.
Why is it that everytime I organise something with one of my best friends he doesn't bother turning up, or he turns up an hour late and he always has one of those excuses that you can't argue with, like "I overslept". He knows it pisses me off when he does this, but everytime I try to talk about it to him he goes into depressive self pity mode and just whines about how it's not his fault that he's an idiot. He blames it on his bad memory, but I don't believe you can make important plans with someone one day and completely forget about it the next, not to mention that I can't contact him because his phone's always off when we're meant to be meeting.
Am I being paranoid and obsessive about this? It just seems like he does it literally everytime we arrange to meet. And I don't think there's a cure for chronic twattiness. Luckily I'm going to move out to uni soon, so I'll meet loads of new people, and maybe a few considerate people for once.
I don't think there's really any advice that you can offer that can make me feel better about this. It'll probably just be 'he obviously doesn't value your friendship as much as you do', but the weird thing is I'm one of his best friends and I know he does value it on some level. And I've heard his other best friends saying exactly the same things about him.
I'm not sure what I'm asking here, I just need to know there's someone out there who knows what I'm talking about.
Why is it that everytime I organise something with one of my best friends he doesn't bother turning up, or he turns up an hour late and he always has one of those excuses that you can't argue with, like "I overslept". He knows it pisses me off when he does this, but everytime I try to talk about it to him he goes into depressive self pity mode and just whines about how it's not his fault that he's an idiot. He blames it on his bad memory, but I don't believe you can make important plans with someone one day and completely forget about it the next, not to mention that I can't contact him because his phone's always off when we're meant to be meeting.
Am I being paranoid and obsessive about this? It just seems like he does it literally everytime we arrange to meet. And I don't think there's a cure for chronic twattiness. Luckily I'm going to move out to uni soon, so I'll meet loads of new people, and maybe a few considerate people for once.
I don't think there's really any advice that you can offer that can make me feel better about this. It'll probably just be 'he obviously doesn't value your friendship as much as you do', but the weird thing is I'm one of his best friends and I know he does value it on some level. And I've heard his other best friends saying exactly the same things about him.
I'm not sure what I'm asking here, I just need to know there's someone out there who knows what I'm talking about.
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Comments
One trick you could try depending on how late he is, for example if you are going to watch a film and it starts at 8, say to him to meet you at 7 he he and so he will arrive hopefully around the right time! or maybe put his watch back a couple of hours! lol
xx
Just got to live with it though, so be life and some people are like that. Shit and annoying as that may be.
I've tried deleting him from my msn list and stuff but before the week's over I get bored and start to miss the little twerp.
The best way I can explain it is it's like I've bought a puppy who's compeltely fine and fun to be with, but every so often for no reason, he bites a chunk out of my hand and turns back to normal straight away. I can't retaliate because he's turned back into a helpless little puppy, and I can't stay angry at him because he's just too fragile. Of course I could try to get rid of the dog, but I would feel sorry for whoever ended up with him, and how much it pains me to say I would miss him if he went.
I feel like it's my responsibility to look after this guy, which I know isn't right. But he's not really strong enough to cope with general life so it would be like I'm condemning him if I ignored him.
My life's been like this for around 3 years and the only reason I'm posting this now is because he was meant to come to my house today at noon, but I'm still waiting. His phone's off and because I'm so pissed off I forgot my lunch and left it in the oven for 20 extra minutes. To make it all worse, he arranged this himself because he never gets to see me anymore because he goes to clubs all the time and I hate them.
Maybe I should buy a punch bag and work out my stress on it...
He overslept
He stayed up to 12.30 in the morning doing 'a sky digital quiz' and only just woke up. How much sleep do these fools need? Maybe the fact that I told him I had to tell him something important today in person didn't quite get through his thick skull.
And he decides to bring up the once instance when I overslept for a 10am meeting arrangement, he forgot the small detail that I rushed and got there at 10.30 and I apologised for it. But when he does it, he thinks it's ok to call the whole thing off and not even say he's sorry for ruining my day.
Why me?
1. If he's depressed then he will have trouble with sleeping, and may also have issues with agorophobia or social anxiety.
2. No wonder he's defensive if all you ever do is slag him off for it.
3. Why do you keep making appointments if you know he won't be there?
4. If all you do is insult him then perhaps you'd be better off withdrawing from the friendship.
His problems aren't that serious, he's just a little shy, but nothing that would be diagnosed.
I make arrangments with him because except for the times when he doesn't turn up, we actually have fun. And I don't know he won't turn up, if I knew he definitely wasn't going to it would be completely pointless, wouldn't it?
And I don't slag him off all the time, we have a laugh together, but if I criticise anything he does, he knows it's because I'm trying to help him. I only insult him like today because he really let me down after I explained to him how important today was, and it just reminds me of all the times when he let me down before. Excuse me for being annoyed when one of my best friends does something like that, but it's not a conscious reaction.
And maybe I would be better off without him, but I don't know that, and I don't know if he'll be better off without me. I'm not quite sure how my rant turned into my trial, but I think I do a lot more for him than he does for me.
Imagine this- you've just bought a brand new expensive cream carpet for your apartment, you invite a friend over who happens to have a 5 year old child with him. Just for detail's sake, you cook some food and feed them both, and to cut an unnecessarily long analogy short, the boy vomits all over your new carpet. Now you're really pissed off at the boy by reaction, but you know there's no point in holding a grudge against him because he didn't do it on purpose, even if he did eat your carefully prepared lunch like a little pig. But you always have a nice orangey/brown reminder in the middle of your floor so you can't forget about it.
It's a crude example, but I think it conveys the message.
If it pisses you off so much, just don't arrange to meet him. Not saying it's your friend's fault that he's late all the time - perhaps he just can't read the time, or has poor timekeeping skills.
Sure, he might be your friend, and you might have a laugh, but the same used to happen with me, and in the end enough was enough and I just went my own way. But then I'm a horrible bastard who can do things like that fairly easily
Difficult at first, but definately worth it in the long run, when you come to learn that you're better off without friends who constantly let you down, whether they mean to or not.