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What should i do?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hello all,
I have a bit of a dilema (spelling?)
I currently have a girlfriend. I do love her and i'm pretty sure she loves me. I do know that she has depression and i am feeling more and more left out of this relationship. I don't want to break up with her but again, her depression is really having a dramatic effect on my PATIENCE (for want of a better term). She would be very upset if we did split and i don't want to hurt her feelings. She has very few friends and i'm afraid of doing/saying something that would drive her over (what with her being depressed). I was even thinking of moving in with her and settling down but i cant do that when i feel so pushed away....
What can i do? I'm not being arrogant but i think she really idolizes me and it's very hard for me to live like this. I also think that this hinders her social progress (outside of work, i only know of two or three people she would be out and about with regularly excluding ME).
She's already seing a psychiatrist (spelling again?) and has been for about three months. She is also on AD tablets. Quite frankly it gets me down too and i dont want to slump into depression. I've tried to be as supportive as i can but there has been little progress with the psycho and it is extremely frustrating for me when she starts crying and asks to be alone and there's nothing i can do about it.
Should i split with her? It might give her the kick up the bum needed to help her to find new friends? Or Should i stick it out? I'm at my wits end about this. Please give me your thoughts.
Many Thanks,
Rowley Birkin
I have a bit of a dilema (spelling?)
I currently have a girlfriend. I do love her and i'm pretty sure she loves me. I do know that she has depression and i am feeling more and more left out of this relationship. I don't want to break up with her but again, her depression is really having a dramatic effect on my PATIENCE (for want of a better term). She would be very upset if we did split and i don't want to hurt her feelings. She has very few friends and i'm afraid of doing/saying something that would drive her over (what with her being depressed). I was even thinking of moving in with her and settling down but i cant do that when i feel so pushed away....
What can i do? I'm not being arrogant but i think she really idolizes me and it's very hard for me to live like this. I also think that this hinders her social progress (outside of work, i only know of two or three people she would be out and about with regularly excluding ME).
She's already seing a psychiatrist (spelling again?) and has been for about three months. She is also on AD tablets. Quite frankly it gets me down too and i dont want to slump into depression. I've tried to be as supportive as i can but there has been little progress with the psycho and it is extremely frustrating for me when she starts crying and asks to be alone and there's nothing i can do about it.
Should i split with her? It might give her the kick up the bum needed to help her to find new friends? Or Should i stick it out? I'm at my wits end about this. Please give me your thoughts.
Many Thanks,
Rowley Birkin
0
Comments
I've been in exactly the same place, almost word for word!
Despite the problems, I decided to be considerate and stick at the relationship, but it really got me down and started affecting me. I was a wreck by the end of it and was really suffering emotionally. I didn't have the courage to get out of it as I thought leaving her would be a horrible thing to do especially given her state. I thought that her being very hard work wasn't a good enough reason to leave.
In the end she cheated on me and that ended it for me, it turns out to be the best thing, I got my life back on track and moved on with my life.
My point is that, while you should give it your best shot if you both love each other, you have to remember you are her boyfriend and not her psychiatrist (SP?) you can't let this affect you like it did with me. This is a bad situation for both of you and you may find it would be better for everyone to go your separate ways. I think you just have to weigh up your love for her and desire to stay together with your own well being. As selfish as it seems, you need to look after yourself first.
good luck!
How would i go about breaking up? I have never broken up with anyone myself (normally, i make them want to dump me). I am really scared that this will shatter her world - we're both 23 and she is quite keen to "marry me some day".
What would i say? I can't just go up to her and say "sorry, but you being bummed out is bumming me out and we should split"........or should i? I do still love her and i just want my g/f back but i cant go on like this :-(
Have you spoken to her about what you are feeling at all?
my advice is get the dildo out of your ass and stick with her, the both of yous are mad for each other. do the right thing, talk to her about the whole thing. try giving her gifts and shit, try to make her smile and work your way back to her.
If i didn't care for her, i would have broken up with her by now. The fact that i do care for her and that's why i'm looking for advice. Now i admit that i am no expert on depression but I have tried to be as helpful as i can. I have tried extremely hard to cheer her up with positive things like compliments, random gifts et al but nothing seems to work. She would be cheered up for a short time (maybe a day or two at the most) but then she goes down again.
I am there for her ALL the time as she doesn't exactly live miles away but when it's having an impact on my happiness, how can i cheer her up if it takes hold of me.
And then of course there is her lack of friends.
Her very best friend is away in Scotland for the next few months (having already been there for about 9 months), her other friend she will meet maybe once a week for about three hours, her work colleagues are NOT her friends and i don't think my friends would be appropriate (i won't go into that).
Weather or not we remain togeather, i know that she needs to improve her social life *1000* times more. But if she's only going to hang with me, that will make it very difficult for her. If she is not with me or her friend then she just goes to bed when she gets home from work. She doesn't like anyone i work with (not even her old mate who got us togeather in the first place) and the people i hang around with at home..... I just know she wouldn't get on with them.
As for the post above the previous one,
No, i have yet to talk to her (i will be talking to her tonight) and i will tell her how her depression is affecting me. I will let you all know how this gets on and hopefully someone can advise me on what to do.......
Many thanks again,
Rowley Birkin
You've hit the nail on the head there...... I don't want her to feel guilty and that she's to blame. Thanks for the advice.
See you all later,
Rowley Birkin
Hope it works out for you x
She was extremely depressed in her younger years and it never really went away -- she has been bottling it up for quite a while. i'm not sure what causes her to break down and not even she knows why.
I will keep you all updated later tonight.
Many thanks,
Rowley Birkin
I don't know the full details of your relationship, but I know that if I split up with my bf now, it would only push me further into myself and my depression.