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Rubbered but floppy
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Does anyone go soft while putting on a condom? I've never needed to use a condom on myself yet (because I'm a bottom) but my current boyfriend goes soft when he tries to put it on, he finds he gets anxious, is this common and how can it be helped?
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Could a female condom up the rump work?
Or you putting the condom on him as a part of foreplay?
I'm a gay man, somehow I doubt a female condom would work....
Actually, I just did a quick search and found that some people do use female condoms for anal, but it's not advised by the condom manufacturers.
More studies need to be conducted before they can endorse them for that use.
I'll scratch that idea.
If he is funny about using a condom, then hes probably had unprotected sex with others and youd be putting yourself at risk more than most.
I had a bloke once who was funny like that about using condoms.
didnt last long.
What!?
I really don't think that's the attitude to take if you really care for this guy. Definately say no to sex unless protection is used, but to leave him because of it is a bit silly.
I too have problems putting on condoms, as much as I want to (and I really do) I just can't keep it hard enough to use them effectivly. Me and my gf talked about it and worked through it together, not once did she say get over it or I'll leave you. If she had she would have got a serious ear bashing from me and would be without a boyfriend.
In the end we both decided to go to the clinic and she went on the pill so there was no need for condoms.
Whatever you decide you should work through it together, it's a problem for both of you, not just him. Some of the suggestions made previously look good!
Try explaining that one in casualty....
Obviously psychological - maybe get hime to relax and not get too excited. Or when having foreplay you could put it on and quickly get on it.
It could be a life or death situation.
I don't like them, but they are a neccesity.
So, you're not alone with experiencing problems with condoms.
RB makes a valid point, but it's a bit hasty unless he is saying that he would rather have sex with you withour protection.
I agree with the whole trying to work things out, but I take issue with the whole she's on birth control and so there aren't any problems stance.
Condoms aren't only for preventing pregnancy. Since this thread is about a gay couple, the pregnancy point is moot.
I could tell he wanted to the other night when he was drunk. He asked me if I had any lube, didn't even mention condoms. I said no.
I need to get tested anyway, so I feel not only would I be putting myself at risk if we did it unprotected, I could be putting him at risk too, and he knows this.
He has had unprotected sex before, but he says he's been tested. Are words enough? We've only been going out for just over three weeks.
How can it be proved though? Even recently someone was convicted for faking STI test papers and giving her partner HIV...
Probably a very good idea, however I need to decide that the relationship is definately worth all that yet, no point in having sex if it's not going to mean a long lasting relationship.
I wouldn't trust someone who has had unprotected sex before. Or me with my mature hat on wouldn't anyway...
it must be shite having to read your brothers sexual problems/experiences and vice versa
If I were you I would have avoided this thread.
Why don't you BOTH go to the same clinic for testing? That would be an indication of hs honesty and commitment to you ... and you would both have each other for support when the results come back. It can be a stressful time even if you are not expecting to be diagnosed with HIV ...
If you are both clear of HIV and you trust him not to go behind your back with anyone else, then unsafe sex is a choice for you to make ...
I'm not disagreering with that, I just thought it was a bit harsh to leave him for it.
The way it came accross was that if a guy has a problem going soft when he tries to put a condom on then you just leave him.
Why would there be any problems? We use the pill and have both been checked and are clear of STIs
The example was given because I was showing that this problem can be sorted out together. I was not highlighting the fact that we used the pill in the end, I was saying we had the same problem and worked through it together and came up with a soulution that suited us both. Clearly this solution won't work in this case, but the idea of working through it together and seeing it as an issue for both of you and not just him applies equally.
I think in the times we live in with the threat of HIV and the high amount of carriers who dont even know they have it, plus the amount of people who know they have it, yet still dont always use condoms. I think its wise to err on the side of caution.
An aversion to condoms is going to be a psychological thing. Someone could either get therapy, try and get used to condoms, or they can go without.
You even said yourself you didnt perservere with condoms. Thats all very well in a heterosexual relationship, but in a homosexual one, thats pretty much the only option open. If the guy is trying to get away with not using one, howlong is it going to be before Chaos just lets him anyway? Im sure loads of us have done it - I know I have, but if I knew then what I do now, I wouldnt have.
I think we are actually agreeing here.
I'm not saying that they shouldn't use condoms because there's a problem. I'm just saying it's not to be seen as "his fault" and if he can't get over it then leave him.
If the other guy was saying "I'm never going to use a condom or even try" then fair enough, but from the original post it seems like that wasn't his view. It seemed to me that he just had a problem with going soft when trying to use them. Having this problem, in my opinion, is not a reason to leave someone. If they both work to solve the problem (whether psychological or what) and see it as a problem they both have to overcome then the outcome should be that the other guy can then feel comfortable using a condom and not go soft.
You're right, in my hetrosexual relationship we had more options open to us, but the point I was trying to make was that my girlfriend didn't just leave me because I had problems using condoms. She saw it as something she could help me with and didn't just dismiss it as a problem I had and I had to deal with on my own.
However, on the condom issue as people have already pointed out it's simply a psychological thing that will take some time and patience to get over, the most important thing is that you can talk about it with each other.