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I'm having a really hard time at the moment.
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Ok, I wasn't sure where to put this..
Since September, a lot of girls at my school have been giving me a really hard time because of what I wear, my bf, and how I come across. Before September, no-one had ever really noticed me or paid me any attention - I always looked really scruffy, I was shy, my looks weren't the best and lads never spoke to me. I had been bullied a couple of times by one of the girls in my gang, and I was used to being put down. Over the summer, I changed drastically - I started wearing short skirts, I learnt how to do my make-up and hair, and I basically swapped from mosher to chav, just because I was fed up with the old me. When I started a new year at school, I got a lot of attention from the lads, which I wasn't used to, and I bagged a very handsome older bf (who I'm still with
) but with this came a lot of hatred from the 'popular' girls in the school.
Over the past 10 months or so, I've had rumours spread about me, I've been called a slut, slag, whore, minger, you name it (there really isn't any basis to this - i'm not promiscuous, i'm totally faithful to my boyfriend), i've been spat at, i get dirty looks everytime I walk down a corridoor. I've had hate texts, with ppl saying they're going to tell my bf what a little slut I am, and that he's too good for me. Theres numerous graffiti around the school about me being an 'ugly whore'. Theres also girls constantly asking my bf out, or trying to give him their number, even though everyone knows how serious our relationship is (we've been together 8 months, and we're really close). I just feel like people have no respect for my feelings - they just see me as a threat.
My friends have said that maybe I should tone down my image and try to blend in with everyone else, but I find that really hard. I have body dismorphic disorder, which means I find it very hard to relax about my appearance - it takes me 2 hours to get ready in the morning, I have a fixed routine where I do my make-up every break, I have such bad body-image and self-esteem that if someone gets me wet, or if my hair goes curly, I fake illness at school and get sent home. I've had days where I've felt so ugly that I've refused to get up. These girls only see this as vanity - I've constantly heard myself being called 'fake', 'up-myself', 'thinks shes better than everyone else' etc.
These past two months have been extra hard for me, as my granny died in the middle of June - she was my backbone - very grounding, and very important to me. I've felt so low recently, I've hardly been to school, and I've been crying a couple of times a day, just because I feel so small and alone. I can't confront these girls - they're 'hard', they'll start a fight, it will get worse. I don't think I could go to my year head about this - it's seperate groups of girls.. little comments and looks and graffiti I can't prove won't seem important, and anyway I don't think they could do anything about it. My bf has told some ppl to back off, but I've later been told that they just laughed behind his back.
I really don't know what to do, I feel so low. Any advice please?
Since September, a lot of girls at my school have been giving me a really hard time because of what I wear, my bf, and how I come across. Before September, no-one had ever really noticed me or paid me any attention - I always looked really scruffy, I was shy, my looks weren't the best and lads never spoke to me. I had been bullied a couple of times by one of the girls in my gang, and I was used to being put down. Over the summer, I changed drastically - I started wearing short skirts, I learnt how to do my make-up and hair, and I basically swapped from mosher to chav, just because I was fed up with the old me. When I started a new year at school, I got a lot of attention from the lads, which I wasn't used to, and I bagged a very handsome older bf (who I'm still with
) but with this came a lot of hatred from the 'popular' girls in the school.Over the past 10 months or so, I've had rumours spread about me, I've been called a slut, slag, whore, minger, you name it (there really isn't any basis to this - i'm not promiscuous, i'm totally faithful to my boyfriend), i've been spat at, i get dirty looks everytime I walk down a corridoor. I've had hate texts, with ppl saying they're going to tell my bf what a little slut I am, and that he's too good for me. Theres numerous graffiti around the school about me being an 'ugly whore'. Theres also girls constantly asking my bf out, or trying to give him their number, even though everyone knows how serious our relationship is (we've been together 8 months, and we're really close). I just feel like people have no respect for my feelings - they just see me as a threat.
My friends have said that maybe I should tone down my image and try to blend in with everyone else, but I find that really hard. I have body dismorphic disorder, which means I find it very hard to relax about my appearance - it takes me 2 hours to get ready in the morning, I have a fixed routine where I do my make-up every break, I have such bad body-image and self-esteem that if someone gets me wet, or if my hair goes curly, I fake illness at school and get sent home. I've had days where I've felt so ugly that I've refused to get up. These girls only see this as vanity - I've constantly heard myself being called 'fake', 'up-myself', 'thinks shes better than everyone else' etc.
These past two months have been extra hard for me, as my granny died in the middle of June - she was my backbone - very grounding, and very important to me. I've felt so low recently, I've hardly been to school, and I've been crying a couple of times a day, just because I feel so small and alone. I can't confront these girls - they're 'hard', they'll start a fight, it will get worse. I don't think I could go to my year head about this - it's seperate groups of girls.. little comments and looks and graffiti I can't prove won't seem important, and anyway I don't think they could do anything about it. My bf has told some ppl to back off, but I've later been told that they just laughed behind his back.
I really don't know what to do, I feel so low. Any advice please?
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Comments
It's trite, but it's jealousy hon.
I do think you should talk to a teacher you trust about it. Don't mention names if you don't want, but say you keep reading graffiti about you and its making you scared to come to school. They need to know before they can protect you.
People do it to crush you because they feel better if they destroy other people. And the more they crush you- the quieter you are, the less you talk to people, the more you hide- the easier it is for the bullies to convince other people that you really are "up yourself" and "snooty".
Emotional bullying is the worst because you don't have any physical marks to prove it. Teachers ignore it unless you make it so that they can't, teachers always ignored it with me even when it happened right in front of their noses- "if he is being stoic and ignoring it then he obviously doesn't care, so I can ignore it too".
As for the bullying, It ALWAYS says more about the bullies than it does about the victim. I think school can be such an awful environment. they try and weed out and destroy anyone whos a bit different. Its like lord of the flies. I dont know what advice to give about that, because I was emotionally bullied at school too, all the way through. The thing was, I felt that when I left school, my life started, whereas for the popular kids, their life ended when school did. They never went to college, they got pregnant at 15/16 (quite a few of them). Im just glad I never did try and be like them.
I had a talk with my mum about it a fortnight ago and shes booked me an appointment at the doctors. I think the bullying is making my BDD worse, as I feel I can't relax and look a bit messy, as they'll find another reason to put me down.
When I was bullied in year 7/8, it was because I was a smelly tomboy. Now its all happening again because I decided to change that
I'm looking forward to the end of my GCSEs. I feel that by going to another college, I can start afresh - I don't have to live up to anyones expectations.
Stupid bullies are less likely to go to college. itll be a whole new group of people who dont have any preconceptions about you.
Only thing is, at College you have to want to be there, and if you make a habit of going home whenever you feel you dont look your best, they probably wont be that understanding. Its not like school, where they an obligation to keep you there unless extreme circumstances.
Going to college really should help...Its a fresh start and you will find that people at college are much more mature than those at school.Theres a much bigger focus on wanting to have an education rather than bitching about the girl in the seat 2 rows down.It will be the people that are the bitches that will be stigmatised and not you for wanting to look your best.
I hope everything works out for you.I know it sounds so patronising but its so difficult growing up at times.Things wont always be like this.
Good luck.
Thats why I'm getting counselling - I want my BDD sorted out as soon as possible.
FilthyChav - in a way I know what you're going through and whenever I went to a teacher, it was always 'I'll have a chat with them' or 'Just ignore it'. Only once did the first one work and the latter has never worked. And it was even worse when it was right in front of a teacher - they just stood there doing nothing even when I was basically screaming. (Used to get hit by someone) And it got to the stage where I felt I could tell no-one because they wouldn't do anything. Saying that, I had a problem and went to a teaching assisant (I get on well with her) and told her I had a problem and she had a word with this person and apart from when he had a go at for telling her, he never said anything to about this.
I'm not really sure how to explain it - it's basically a deep lack of self-esteem and bad body-image, which results in an OCD type obsession with ones looks. So, for instance, if a morning 'beauty' routine is messed up, rather than forget about it and go out feeling confident, I will refuse to step outside without taking all my make-up off and reapplying it, just because I feel people won't like me if I don't look perfect. Seems silly to people who haven't had it, I suppose.
I've thought about talking to someone (about the bitching), but I have a feeling they'll say I bring it on myself by wearing what I wear and acting how I do, just like my friends have.