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Bad Relationship
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
How do you know when it is over, when to call it a day? I have been with him for about 2 and a half yrs and recently feel like I am "nothing"in the relationship, it is making me very depressed and feeling soooo confused. He never comes to bed with me and is always out with his friends and if i try to tell him that im unhappy about that he tell me im trying to control him. He told me tonight that he has been thinking of moving out of our flat and moving in with a mate. I think now that it is over, but I don't know what to do or where to go or how to deal with any of this crap, i have never been in such a serious relationship before and have never had to deal with a bad break up I'm so scared!
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huge hug - PM if you feel like needing someone to rant at dear
I think deep down, you know that this relationship is coming to a close and that you're drifting apart. I don't think he's making this easy on you either, by escaping to his friends and leaving you wondering where you stand. It's also affecting your health, and he's able to dodge that by going around the issue and straying to other people to keep him occupied whereas now is the time to say that you need an evening in with him, to sit down and figure out together how each other feel. He's playing the control card, because maybe he's starting to feel trapped - not because you're particularly needy or clingy, but it can easily happen after a long period of time with one person.
2 and a half years is quite a while, and there's a sense of security which comes with long term relationships, which makes the idea of coming out of one pretty scary. Do you have friends you could turn to if this relationship does end, as a way of distraction, someone to chat to or visit to occupy you a little?
I feel he's looking for a means of escape without directly shouldering the 'blame' for the end of your relationship. So I think you need to become the assertive one - and say "Look...somethings not quite right here - this relationship isn't functioning anymore. You don't come to bed with me, you're out with your mates and now you want to move out. We need to talk about all this properly because it's hurting me. I'm confused and don't know what you're actions are saying."
Suggest time apart at the very least. Sometimes taking that first step make shunt him into realising how his behaviour is making you feel, and will give you a sense of control in a relationship that you no longer seem to have any involvement in. Losing the control and security, will get you down - but I think rather than prolonging the damage of being in this relationship, it's time to suggest some time apart.
Malt x
It is clear to me that he goes out all the time to escape as things have been a bit rubbish at the moment, but we both know how good it can be and I think that is what keeps us together. Hopefully now we have had it out it will help make things a bit better.
The other thing is, that he has a friend that he is always with, I am friends with this guy as well, but this guy was really into me before me and my boyfriend met, and he always makes comments that makes me think he fancies me still.
I am a bit worried that this guy is trying to come between me and my bf. Maybe i'm just being a bit paranoid, but I had a best friend who I had known for 10 years, and I confided in this guy about something majorly secret and a few weeks later my best friend confronted me about this thing...I don't know how she would have found out, unless someone told her, the only one that could have told her was him! As a consequence of this me and my best mate have never spoken since and it was heartbreaking losing her as a friend! Therefore I am concerned that this is what is happening now only this time with my bf. Do u just think i'm being paranoid, or do people purposely set out to ruin other peoples relationships.
I know that this guy has offered my bf a room in his house, and im sure my bf confides in him and this worries me further because this mate seems to know more about my relationship than I do!!!
Thanks again for your reply, i'm going to seriously think about what to do next and try to sort out somewhere to stay, maybe with one of my girly friends. x