What do people talk about?

Former Member · May 2005

probably one of the hardest things to do in my life is to make "small talk". what do people talk about? like if you see someone you know at the supermarket or on the street what do you talk about? especially the ones whom you dont really know. if someone wants to talk about deep stuff, i can blow their minds away. but that can boring. why are the simple things sometimes the difficult ones?

:banghead: :wave:

Former Member · May 2005

It's very hard to make small talk if you're shy, because finding words is hard at the best of times. I'm crap at small talk until I feel comfortable with the people I'm talking to.

Though as for what people talk about, today at work I talked with my boss about weight loss pills, Edinburgh, selling your virginity on eBay, the "cunts" who work for Clydesdale Bank, pizza, dieting, Santorini, and my future career prospects.

Former Member · May 2005

yeah i guess its sorta easy if you have a lot of time to talk about anything. but if you know itll only be for like 15 min. for instance you see someone at the supermarket.

Former Member · May 2005

The length of talking time available doesn't matter much as to how easy it is to small talk, it's all about confidence.

If you're unsure about how to talk to people in brief social situations, such as at Tesco's, then putting the focus on the other person never did anyone any harm. People love to talk about themselves, so let them: "how are you?" can lead in so many directions.

Former Member · May 2005

okay so i say "how are you" they say "im fine" what next? cant say "what you up to" cos obviously theyre shopping. say "hows it goin" theyll say "things are fine". then what?

Former Member · May 2005

Find out what they have been doing recently, since you last saw them. Whats new in their lives etc. How their job/education is going etc.

Former Member · May 2005

Kinda use the context of where ever you are or what you're doing to start you off, n then move on to what they've been doing cos people never mind talking about themselves!!

Former Member · May 2005

"soooo, did you catch *generic sports fixture* last night...?"

nah, it is hard to make small talk, just ask them what they're up to, or say where you're off too, etc

Former Member · May 2005

I hid from an old school mate in a shop yesterday, just so I didn't have to do the 'small talk' thing. I felt like such a fool. :no:

Ilora x

Former Member · May 2005

reccomend something?

or say that they look like they've lost weight since you last saw them, they'll love that

Former Member · May 2005

i HATE small talk!!! i used to be painfully shy, and the thought of bumping into someone i used to know is my worst nightmare. i have blatently ignored people or hid from them so i dont have to do the whole hi, how are you what you been up to thing.

am i the only one that thinks it feels really fake making chit chat?

it is actually a terrible habit and ive recently been trying to stop it but i only notice i do it after its happened then i get annoyed and upset with myself for doing it.

its kinda weird cos i can talk shit for hours with my good friends.

i get stuck about the same place as you, after hello what you up to i just get a mind blank. sometimes i wish i didnt think about things so much and this type of thing would be easier.

Former Member · May 2005

lazymonkey wrote:

i HATE small talk!!! i used to be painfully shy, and the thought of bumping into someone i used to know is my worst nightmare. i have blatently ignored people or hid from them so i dont have to do the whole hi, how are you what you been up to thing.

am i the only one that thinks it feels really fake making chit chat?

I hide from people in shops and avoid shops I know they might be in; it's horrible.

I don't feel fake making small talk, I just feel that the person I'm talking to is going to think I'm an idiot. I hate telling people what I'm up to (or not) because they always look down on me because I'm not at uni like they are. I hate it.

Ilora x

Former Member · May 2005

Char_Baby wrote:

or say that they look like they've lost weight since you last saw them, they'll love that

do people really talk like that...i thought that only happened in the movies

if you know them well enough just say stuff like "what did you do at the weekend" or if it's close to the weekend "what you doing at the weekend" or both, or ask them about other mates you both know...i find it quite easy tbh

Former Member · May 2005

For me it depends on who I'm talking to. For example, I was talking to a friend of mine about Elvis and how this friend of mine thinks I should take his songs off my MP3 player. (This conversation has been going on for a week) but if I was talk to someone who was in my year in school, it'd probably be about exams and coursework. (Yes, really!)

Former Member · May 2005

I think shy people find it hard to make small-talk because they're frightened that saying random, non-meaningful things will make them look stupid/uninteresting - even if such things are appropriate and what they're expecting you to say.

Try just saying something completely random - the first thing you think. If your mind is going blank it's because you're pushing away and dismissing things. Tell them how embarrassing it was when you dropped all your notes on the floor. How you bought this ridiculous top that didn't fit you. That your boss is a twat for making you work late.

Anything! They'll respond and you respond back.

Tell them you love them

Former Member · May 2005

I find it really difficult to talk to people, especially if I think I might look stupid. Sometimes, especially at work, I can't think of appropriate things to say, so just don't bother.

Former Member · May 2005

^Yeah I'm like that. I often get judged for being snotty or arrogant when I'm not. I just can't think of anything to say in the conversation - people think I'm being up myself, when I'm really not. I find myself saying no to going on dates and 'goin for a coffee' with guys because I'm scared of awkward silences - they turn me into a jibbering wreck. Urgh.

Ilora x

Former Member · May 2005

Loner wrote:

probably one of the hardest things to do in my life is to make "small talk". what do people talk about? like if you see someone you know at the supermarket or on the street what do you talk about? especially the ones whom you dont really know. if someone wants to talk about deep stuff, i can blow their minds away. but that can boring. why are the simple things sometimes the difficult ones? :banghead: :wave:

if i saw someone i knew on the street / somewhere the most obvious thing i'd probably do is ask them what they are up to? hows things? - that kind of thing..... if i just bumped into someone like that though i'd never talk about anything deep at all.... and if they did, just start talking about 'deep' stuff just out of the blue, it would probably scare the hell out of me, and i'd probably avoid them in future.
i mean, i bumped into one of my tutors the other day... and we just chatted generally... small talk... he started off the convo. becasue he was kind of impressed with my ipod so we just talked about that and new technologies and stuff... then it was just 'oh.. it was really good to see you.. etc' and that was it... because we both had other stuff to be getting on with.
mind you, i guess if you're british and there is fuck all else to talk about, you could always talk about the weather

Former Member · May 2005

I always used to avoid people I knew that I saw out and about. I've got a lot better. What I usually do is remember something I know about them, for instance, a boyfriend, and I say "How are things with such and such?" or ask them if they're still working at Joe Bloggs Ltd or something, just ask a question related to what you know about them, and look interested.

If you don't want to talk to them but don't want to ignore them and be rude, just stop. say "alright?" Say, "can't stop, got to go to blah blah" and then smile and say goodbye.

Former Member · May 2005

I normally talk about school, their job,shopping their spouse etc. anything having to do with them so all I really have to do is listen. That way I seem intrested,nice ,understanding and i have to do very little work

Former Member · May 2005

Ilora-Danon wrote:

^Yeah I'm like that. I often get judged for being snotty or arrogant when I'm not. I just can't think of anything to say in the conversation - people think I'm being up myself, when I'm really not. I find myself saying no to going on dates and 'goin for a coffee' with guys because I'm scared of awkward silences - they turn me into a jibbering wreck. Urgh.

Ilora x

haha i actually used to think i was the only person that got like this! i turn into a stuttering idiot, i have blatently lied to girls so i dont have to be alone with where all the focus is on me and what i say :grump:

saying that things have been getting a bit better recently, but normally cos im drunk

i have a few drinks before going out so im not too shy, and end end getting wasted and making a grade A tit out of myself.

but i have been making my best effort to talkk to girls, espicially ones i dont fancy, kind of a practice for the ones i do :yes:

Former Member · May 2005

Ilora-Danon wrote:

I hid from an old school mate in a shop yesterday, just so I didn't have to do the 'small talk' thing. I felt like such a fool. :no:

Ilora x

just the sort of thing i'd do :thumb:

Former Member · May 2005

Small talk I'm crap at... IT's like "Hey man... 'sup? Yeah man, totally jus' chillin' like.... cya later then..."

Former Member · May 2005

There's a good article in today's Daily Mirror about this subject on Dr Miriam's pages.

I've improved so much in this area, especially over the past few months. I think going to uni helped as when you're thrown in with 15 other people, you can't not talk to them even though they are strangers.

I've pretty much built my social life up from scratch over the past few months as I had to ditch a large group of my previous friends as I felt they were a negative influence on my life.

I make it sounds surprisingly easy, once you've done it is - just make the first move of saying hi to someone, it all gets easier after that. I started chatting to people off my course more, then before you know it you've swapped numbers, then you text and go for coffee after lectures, then you meet their friends, then you do stuff with them and before you know it you've got a whole new social circle! I started going out with my friend from work more often and her housemates.

My main reasons for not doing anything sooner were because I didn't feel like people would want to know me - they did. You just need to make an effort - even be a little pushy, ask them when they're going out and invite yourself along - don't push so hard that you annoy them but if they mention it try and grab an invite for yourself. It's always easier to just sit and watch EastEnders but if you push yourself and make a bit of an effort you'll get great results!

Former Member · May 2005

kevlar85 wrote:

I think going to uni helped as when you're thrown in with 15 other people, you can't not talk to them even though they are strangers.

uni is like that though... you'd have an awful time otherwise... you're around people constantly: eating, chilling out, sleeping (sometimes), and working, etc.
- small talk being very valuable -

Former Member · May 2005

I used to have the same problem in not being able to make small talk. But then I tried something which works - have about 5 questions memorised in your head which you would ask (what do you do? Do you know where is good to go out? etc) and they are your emergency questions you can use if an uncomfortable silence seems likely. I guarantee that if you ask 5 open questions to someone you will end up in a conversation without even knowing it.

Former Member · May 2005

saj029763 wrote:

I used to have the same problem in not being able to make small talk. But then I tried something which works - have about 5 questions memorised in your head which you would ask (what do you do? Do you know where is good to go out? etc) and they are your emergency questions you can use if an uncomfortable silence seems likely. I guarantee that if you ask 5 open questions to someone you will end up in a conversation without even knowing it.

I've done that so many times, not meaning to. I did this on Monday, I asked a friend of mine if she'd ever heard of this band and her answer was no and she asked me what else I was into. Then she was like 'what on earth do you listen?' (As in how do you know all these bands?) so, I had explain all the stuff that happened a few years ago, etc.

I have this habit of asking people if they've ever heard of random bands and sometimes, we'll end up talking about them for hours, or they'll basically think that I'm making these bands up...

For soem reason, there's this person I know and it can be really hard to just go up to him and ask him any random questions, or just start a conversation with him on anything. (Mainly music and football)

Former Member · May 2005

Loner wrote:

probably one of the hardest things to do in my life is to make "small talk". what do people talk about? like if you see someone you know at the supermarket or on the street what do you talk about?

Let's see... well, I don't go to supermarkets that often so I can't comment on that one. I do however, work in a shop which means from time to time some customers and some other staff at Haven try to get me talking. Yesterday for example, a lot talked about that match - you know the one! Other times, they mention the weather, ask about what I'm doing with my life and so on.

Others prefer more serious topics which are inspired by the front pages of the morning newspapers. On Monday, the Daily Express carried a story with a headline like "Diana death: murder cannot be ruled out" or something similar. I was utterly amazed the number of people who asked me about that at the checkout. If things are right, it leads on to other topics. I've got to know one female colleague at work surprisingly well by doing this! (and no, I don't mean anything naughty by that!)

What do people talk about?

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