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confusing boyfriend
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hey, i posted on here the other day..split up with my boyfriend on tuesday night. He hasnt put up much of a fight for me. He has asked me to get back with him about three times, but he just expected everything to be ok, no talking or anything.
Anyway, yesterday he said he wanted me tro go round to his tonight to sort it through and c if we can make it work..then today hes basically saying we cant talk tonight..His mum has spent the last few days off her haed drunk. He said he doesnt want me to see her like this, which would be fair enuf. Except for the fact that ive seen her like that plenty of times before and he didnt care and my mum was an alcoholic for seven years!
So, i asked if we could go to a pub and talk-and he said no because its friday night and it will be packed, hes saving money and he doesnt feel like it!
He has plenty of money and is planning on buying a snake and a new t.v! What is goiung on with him! He just sent me a txt saying im his everythin, his best fiend, he loves me and doesnt like not bein with me!
But if he really felt this way, hed do anything to get me back wouldnt he?! Even going to the pub if he doesnt feel like it! Im sooo confused! Why would a lad hang on to a girl he doesnt love? I havent a clue what to think... :crying: plaese help!
Anyway, yesterday he said he wanted me tro go round to his tonight to sort it through and c if we can make it work..then today hes basically saying we cant talk tonight..His mum has spent the last few days off her haed drunk. He said he doesnt want me to see her like this, which would be fair enuf. Except for the fact that ive seen her like that plenty of times before and he didnt care and my mum was an alcoholic for seven years!
So, i asked if we could go to a pub and talk-and he said no because its friday night and it will be packed, hes saving money and he doesnt feel like it!
He has plenty of money and is planning on buying a snake and a new t.v! What is goiung on with him! He just sent me a txt saying im his everythin, his best fiend, he loves me and doesnt like not bein with me!
But if he really felt this way, hed do anything to get me back wouldnt he?! Even going to the pub if he doesnt feel like it! Im sooo confused! Why would a lad hang on to a girl he doesnt love? I havent a clue what to think... :crying: plaese help!
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you're saying what? he's made no effort? he asked you to get back with him 3 times! and i get the impression you said no to him each time and for him to continue asking....
he's got a point about the pub on a friday night, there are better places to go to discuss whether your relationship can work or not! you'd never hear each other speak and you'd be shouting so loud that everyone else would hear your business.
as for the not having any money, well he's obviously saving up for his snake and the TV. there's nothing wrong with that. so you can't expect him to break into his kitty for his snake!
So you've seen his mum in a drunken state - considered what some drunk people are like - obviously it doesn't make him proud of her that she's pissed, some say the most embarrassing things, maybe he's just protecting you from that or feels like he doesn't want you to see that despite seeing it before. I would thank him for being that considerate to be honest.
The pubs not the best place. Fridays are a lively and social time you need somewhere quiet where you won't be interupted and you can discuss everything fully and rationally.
If I had my heart set on buying myself something then I'd be pretty gutted that my scrimping and saving would be prolonged to go out and drink when I needn't and so spending money I'd earned on something I don't want/need.
It's not a case of those things being more important than you. If my bloke had been saving for something I would lay him with guilt about him putting material things above me...it's his money and it's not like these items will replace me. Let him save up, there are free places to go to talk and such.
Malt
He says your his best friend? Maybe he only loves you as a friend? It sounds to me like his efforts to win you back are half hearted. As har as it is to accept, he may not be the one for you. When you do get together to have that talk, be honest with him and tell him how hurt you feel. Ask him if he really does love you in a romantic way or is it just a friendly love? Good luck, whatever happens.
Give him an ultimatum, eg you meet me tonight or not at all, then if he really loves you he'll drop everything, if not then at least you know where you stand.
i can c he doesnt feel much for me-what i dnt understand is why he keeps sdayin he loves me wen he obv. doesnt...y wud a lad do that? :banghead:
He's making excuses. I doubt if it would make any difference where you offered to meet him, he wouldn't be there. Why? Because he doesn't care that much. That's the simple truth.
Why does he keep saying he loves you? Does it matter why he's saying it? Words are cheap; it's easy to say. Look, Emsy, I love you, you're my whole world and I don't want to be without you. See? Does it mean I mean it? Nope. I don't even know you. Now look at the way he has treated you. Are those the actions of someone who loves you? Would you treat someone you love that way? I'd bet not.
What is it you're not understanding when you give him an ultimatum and he hangs up on you? By doing that he's either telling you that he just plain doesn't care or he thinks he's in control, you don't mean a thing you say and he can keep you dancing to his tune. Judging by your posts about him in this thread and previous ones he sounds controlling.
Either way, why would you want to be part of that? You need to get some backbone, get some fight in you and say, "You know what, I deserve better. Either you treat me with dignity and respect or you won't treat me at all." And mean it. Because he will continue to wipe his feet on you for just as long as you lie down and allow him to.
He has asked you THREE times to get back together yet you HAVEN'T. How is that his fault?
You say you wouldn't have given up so easily so why didnt you just say yes when he asked to be with you again?
I really think I am missing something in this post.
You're not wrong, but it's obvious that Emsy has her own problems if you read her posts, not least low self esteem or else she would have been out of this relationship a long time ago. And she's not the only one playing mind games although I bet neither of them think they are.
What you're missing is that she is clinging on to the (probably erroneous) hope that he will once again become the person he was to begin with.
x emsy x sorry for any offence (I wasn't trying anyway) but with what you said thats how it looks. I am sure people who know more will make more fair judgements based on the situation but I just made one on what I saw posted.
He sounds manipulative, your better off out of it, before he ruins your self esteem.
Or perhaps the idea that he's not going to be able to control her anymore is driving him nuts.
:yes: