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My ex (again)!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Ok so I bumped into him the other night and at first we were fine askin how each other was and that...we were both pretty drunk him more than me which was nothing new!

Anyway he held my hands and was goin u still like me dont ya? I moved my hands and he was holdin my finger and smiling... then he was tellin me to go back to his...I didnt...

I got in a taxi with my mate and he was goin u blew ur chances, then he was ringin me bout 15 minutes later, i was ignorin it, he was leavin nasty answerphone messages sayin I never wanna see you again or hear your voice...anyway I turned the phone off but curiousity got to me and I put it back on, in the end I answered and he changed!

He was saying how nice it was to see me and all this and tellin me how much he loves me and how he wishes things could be different but we could never have a future together as he couldnt betray his two kids by having another one and having to see the look on their faces when they go home. I do understand all this but also I dont.

We had a big conversation the other night and he said no matter what he feels he cant betray his kids.

Now Ive heard hes seeing some woman whos already got 2 kids, I dunno how true it is but its killin me just to think about it.

He told his boss once that I was the one, his boss told his niece who is my mate so she obviously told me! I never told him I knew till that phonecall the other night and he said I think we were the right people just at the wrong time!

I love him so much and think he does too, but if hes supposed to be seein someone else then he canthave thought that much can he??

Dunno where to go from here theres lots of things we gotta sort out plus gettin stuff back and that but to me he was the one and people think Im stupid, but u cant help who u love!

Sorry that was so long but if anyones got any opinion or anything then please carry on!!

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you probably dont want to hear this but personally i think you are better off without him. why settle for someone who doesnt want what you want and is horrible to you when he doesnt get his own way? i think there is someone better for you out there , who will want the same thing as you .

    just my oppinion but really think you are better off with him as an ex, rather than a boyfriend
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You're right, you can't help who you love but in this instance the process of trying to move on from this guy is faltered by him being unclear in his messages to you. People do say things when they're drunk which sometimes they mean, sometimes they don't. Basically, if he is seeing someone new, then this would be the time to say "Fine if he's seeing some else than it's time for me to move on", because as it is you're in two minds thinking "Maybe he still wants me" and then getting mixed messages from diferent people and him. You need to ask to see him, to sit down and have a proper discussion. Ask him if there's anything more for you two, and get a straight answer. Say what you've heard, how you've been confused, but say you need to know from him exactly how he feels so you can dispel all the confusion in your head.

    Malt x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Aww thankyou!

    You see when he was sayin all that hed love us to have a future and that he was drunk...the following day I decided to ignore it and him for a bit.. by the time Id got to work at 9 Id had 2 texts apologising cuz he couldnt remember what had happened and 2 phonecalls, it killed me to ignore him but I was so confused...anyway he kept texting saying if u dont wanna talk to me then fair enough but please tell me what ive done..im truely sorry....it wasnt a major deal what he done but he really hurt me!

    Then when he says deep down maybe I do want that it really hurts, this was when he was sober!
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Me and my ex are very back and forward and although we aint sleeping together no more if i wanted to i reckon i could get him to and vice versa with me, its just the powers of sex! you need ot be strong which is already how you've come across... you are better off without him. thats what my mates told me and they were right. now im on the prowl for another man who can give me what i want.... thats the attitude you need. well if your ready to be with someone else that is... i hope you realise that he was just being like that coz he was drunk, he most probably still has feelings for you but is confused about them just as much as you are... its best to leave it to lie... move onwards and upwards...
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I think in the long run he's gonna do you more pain than good, for the simple reason he's all for the 'maybe's' and stuff. If he's not wanting kids in the future, and you will, then I think it's best to leave it all now to be honest. It's not worth looking to something in the hope that the person you wanna be involved with is going to change because it's incredibly likely he won't.

    The phonecalls, texts and stuff, will hurt which is why I think it's better if you attempt to move on. He's probably like most of us, not letting go for the sake of having somewhere there whose attracted to them and wants them. You can go back to it many a time and he'll come quite quickly to the realisation that's it not what he wants and will hurt you again.

    I personally, strongly recommend calling it a day with this guy and saying to him that you're not going to be played around and faffing about with something there's never gonna be quite the way you want it. You need to find someone who actually is 100% after what you're after in a relationship and isn't going to be pulling your feelings back and forth

    Malt x
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    malteser monkay wrote:
    I think in the long run he's gonna do you more pain than good, for the simple reason he's all for the 'maybe's' and stuff. If he's not wanting kids in the future, and you will, then I think it's best to leave it all now to be honest. It's not worth looking to something in the hope that the person you wanna be involved with is going to change because it's incredibly likely he won't.



    Malt x


    yeah thats exactly what I think to myself! but for some reason really struggle to keep it up!

    Thing is its like everytime I start to get over it and let go he reappears again!

    Theres some things we gotta get sorted but I dunno whether to go through the hurt now and get it done or leave it a bit give us both space and then do it, just hope it dont bring it all back.

    He told his mate the other night he misses me like crazy not bein around and he loves me and he said he wishes he could make me happy.
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