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He's gorgeous and available..but is it a wise idea?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
Hey all.
I am really good mates with this guy who a friend of mine was going out with. While he was going out with her, he was asking me if i'd sleep with him (he meant in an ideal circumstance, when we were both single) and he asked twice. both times, i said for him to let me know when he'd broken up with his girlfriend, and he said he would. we had a sort of...arrangement, that we'd be together once they weren't.
They have now broken up, quite recently in fact. he asked me out, and i said no, cos he needs time to heal, and i know i'll only be a rebound whereas we both mean more than that to each other. the problem is, i'm wondering if a realtionship with him is a wise idea. don't get me wrong-we're really good friends, there's large amounts of sexual tension and mutual attraction, all of that. but i've never had a relationship with a guy who's just come out of a long term relationship before-i don't know what to expect. I don't want to hurt him, and i love him to pieces. i'm just not sure if running into another relationship is a wise idea for him. and it's not just his heart at stake. if i run into this relationship with him but he;s only on the rebound, my heart'll be broken too. sound melodramatic, but hey, go with it. :razz:
So after that long winded (and slightly confusing) explanation, what i really want to ask is this: Has anyone gone into a relationship either on the rebound, or being someone's rebound, and how did it turn out? did you regret it? had you been their shoulder to cry on? how did you feel about it? and did you stay friends after you split?
Thanks a lot.
Anna xxxx

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I've been the person who was rebounded off; it isn't nice when they go back to their ex, and it messes your head up in the process. We haven't met up since; i'd probably find it really hard as I am still really fond of him, although I think he's foolish, and he probably thinks there's no point seeing me, or that i'm furious with him.
    If you want to go for this guy, wait a bit and see if anything else happens between him and his ex. You sound like you're being cautious, holding back for the moment, which is a wise idea. If he really likes you and thinks you're worth more than just being a momentary rebound girl, he'll hopefully come to you.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    They are definitely broken up- he's not going back to her even if he wanted to, she doesn't "see him as a boyfriend, more of a friend now".
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    AmsyBamsy wrote:
    While he was going out with her, he was asking me if i'd sleep with him (he meant in an ideal circumstance, when we were both single) and he asked twice. both times, i said for him to let me know when he'd broken up with his girlfriend, and he said he would.
    This guy does not sound promising to me.

    1. He was going out with someone, when he hit on you.

    2. His girlfriend was not a stranger, she was your friend.

    3. He never claimed to have romantic feelings for you, he just seems to want sex.

    4. He broke up with his girlfriend for someone else. How do you know he wouldn't do it to you?
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    so who's his fuck buddy after you two break up?
    I wouldnt go out with a friends ex thats just not right.
    ifi was you i wouldnt.. as he doesnt seem like a genuine guy
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I just broke up with my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years..and during the whole ordeal of breaking up with him, i was talking to one of his mates and he was helping me through it, as he had just broken up with his girlfriend of 2 years, so he knew what i was going through.. As time went on, and we talked more it was obvious we were starting to fancy each other , and one night whe just.. kissed and it was wonderful. Ever since then whenever we meet up, we go farther and farther with each other, we havent "gone all the way" yet, however we have come close. Im afraid that he just wants me for sex, and that once he gets what he wants he will just leave me. we talk to each other all the time, and we're together every chance we get.. what do you think? Am i just paranoid?

    My ordeal is similar to yours, but we're both just out of relationships, and it seems to be working out fine for now..
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Scarlet wrote:
    4. He broke up with his girlfriend for someone else. How do you know he wouldn't do it to you?
    He didn't break up with her for someone else. she broke up with him, but he was going to anyhoo.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    The other 3 points still stand. :yeees:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Scarlet wrote:
    The other 3 points still stand. :yeees:

    Fine.
    1) He is like that. That is just general Ayden-ness. also, i asked him about it, and he said he thought he and Vicci would be through soon.

    2)I was pissed off with her because she fucked him up royally, and he knew it.

    3)claiming to have "romantic feelings for me" would just freak me out if it was prior to a realtionship. He knows i wouldn't just give him sex, no matter how much i fancy him. he's my friend-he knows me like that.

    I might be being blind to faults or something, but maybe i'm just not explaining myself properly. I know he wouldn't hurt me cos we've been through a lot together.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    People are trying to give you advice, because you asked for it. But those who give you advice against going out with him, you se to retaliate. You obviously already know what you want to do. No amount of people saying you shouldnt do it isnt going to change your mind. Go for it.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You seem to have a habit of saying to people that you'll sleep with them... Remember the 28 year old?! This ain't a good idea and it will usually cause complications.

    I don't have many "rules" I live by, but one of them is "never meddle with a mate's ex". Maybe you should stick to this one...

    Honestly though - I really wouldn't bother, "arrangement" or not.
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