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Dealing with things vs Blocking things out.....

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Health & Wellbeing
Was just wondering what you guys think about this, any ideas welcome.....

Basically, I've been seeing a counsellor since november, to talk about my arthritis and all the shit that comes with it. I have found it useful, but it's also made me realise a lot of things that I wasn't even aware were upsetting me - which I guess in some ways is a good thing, cos it's made me realise that when I think I'm upset for no reason, there probably is a reason there, I just don't want to/can't think about it. But also, I'm just at a point now where I don't know what to do about the counselling. It's like, I still like the comfort of knowing there's someone there I can talk to, even if it's not for 2 weeks or whatever, but I don't want to rely on it too much (I have a year abroad next year, so not gonna have the same support), and also I don't know if maybe it could be holding me back....or am I just being stupid? I mean, before easter I went for an appointment feeling relatively ok, not great, but not awful either....but then I randomly started talking about something, and it just really, really upset me, leading to a really shit week cos I'd brought all this stuff into my mind and then just felt crap. And part of me thinks that I obviously needed to get that out of my system, but the other part thinks what's wrong with it being kept in there? :confused:

I had an appt on monday with my counsellor, and I went but just said I was feeling ok about stuff and didn't really feel I needed the appt, and so we just booked another appt for a few weeks. And she said she understood that when I was feeling a bit better that I didn't want to bring things up and make myself feel crap....which is true, and I think it makes sense....but also I don't want to start bottling things up again like I have in the past :no: But it's just hard, cos this last week I've felt happier than I have in quite a long while, just a lot more chilled out after easter, so I just feel like I don't want to ruin that by thinking about things again.

And on top of this is the thought of the year abroad - I definitely want to go ahead with it, I'm sure of that now, the thought of it not going ahead (my tutor wasn't sure it was a good idea with how shit I was feeling) made me realise how badly I want to do it. But as well I know I really need to work at staying on top of things if I want to go.....

Not sure if that made any sense at all, but hopefully some of you will have some words of wisdom to share :)

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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    counselling is like that... but you do need to be working through your issues in order for it to be working... don't get into the "habit" of counselling becasue then you'll get dependant on it. what do you want out of counselling? - have you managed that yet? will you know when you have managed it? - you have to remember your counsellor is not going to be there forever; and that doesn't mean you have to "bottle things up" inside you... it means you need better ways of coping. and if you're only going to counselling just so you don't have to "bottle things up" - then may be you'd be better off talking to someone like samaritans as and when you need to. counselling is more than just off-loading your shit onto someone... its about working through it... and discovering better ways of coping with your shit.
    another thing to remember is that sometimes when you work through stuff you will feel like crap for a while after... but you'll make it to the other side... and the crap will be dealt with. if its constantly making you feel crap though, again may be it would be worth leaving off it for a bit. i'm sure, if you felt it necessary, you could qiuit counselling for a while... if you still need support... you could go back to it for a bit. remember: counselling is like a "crutch in a crisis, it's not a wheelchair for life" - a very wise person said that to me once. anyway, take care, otter. :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    You make perfect sense.

    I know the feeling of if you're feeling alright you don't want to bring stuff up to make you feel worse again... there is a really fine line between needing to do it and just putting it off until it sort of comes to the surface itself. I don't really know which is best though, I think it's an insinct thing. If you feel you need the space to just feel OK to stop you going crazy then that is very important. But also squashing it all to the back of your mind can make you stressed sort of without realising it. I think it's a case of just knowing the warning signs.
    It does sounds like a lot of issues were raised that you didn't even know existed which is really good... counselling isn't suposed to be easy, so if it makes you feel more crap at first then that is a sort of good sign that you're gradually working through all the stuff on your mind. I do think though that you can only take so much at a time.

    It sounds like the counselling you have had has helped a lot anyway and made you more self-aware. It's really positive that you're so determind to go abroad, that shows you're obviously up to it, even if it might be tough. And if you feel that desperate to go I'm pretty sure you're strong enough to not have such a solid support network around you. It'll probably do your self esteem loads of good and boost your confidence and I think that should probably make you feel good so you won't need someone around to talk to. (If that makes any sense at all).

    And I don't think you're dependant on this counsellor if you took the initiative to say you didn't need an appointment when you went, you must be feeling stronger and like you can cope better on your own without that back-up more and more. It is a comfort, but sounds like you're getting to the point where you don't really need that comfort, or at least not as often.

    Now I don't know if I've made any sense either but hope it did. :)
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanks for the replies guys, they've given me a lot to think about. I think the whole reliance thing is a good point....but I do feel a hell of a lot less reliant on my counsellor than I was at the start of the year. I guess I've just got used to having someone there to help me work through stuff, and maybe I have to gain some confidence in being able to do that all on my own. And I guess having appointments less frequently is a good way of starting to do that.

    Otter, as for what I want from counselling....at the beginning I would have just said something like 'to stop feeling shit'. But now I know that that just isn't realistic, I probably will always have times when things get me down. But I want to be able to cope with these times better, and I really do think I'm starting to do that, but again it's just taking time. I've come a hell of a long way since last november, and when I think of that that gives me confidence - ok I may have had a counsellor helping me during that time, but it wouldn't have worked if I didn't make it work myself, if that makes any sense.

    And Lu_C, what you said about my year abroad makes a lot of sense. I suppose instead of seeing it as a problem (i.e something that's going to stop me feeling better and take away all my support), maybe I should see it as something that could actually help - I mean if I want it bad enough, that should give me a damn good reason to fight when I'm feeling bad.

    Anyway, thanks you two, you've been loads of help :yes:
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    where do u want your year abroad? my nan has found living in a warmer climate - spain - has really helped her arthritis and she can do stuff now she could only dream about in england.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Emily&Bagpuss wrote:
    where do u want your year abroad? my nan has found living in a warmer climate - spain - has really helped her arthritis and she can do stuff now she could only dream about in england.

    Unfortunately I'm not off anywhere particularly warm (I'll be in northern france as long as I get my first choice), but I have heard living in a warm climate can bring a lot of relief :yes: I was kind of limited in my choice of location this time, because my consultant wanted me to stay under his care if possible, and since that means travelling up to the north of england for hospital appointments, I didn't want to be to far into the south of france. But a warm climate is something I'll definitely consider for the future :yes:
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