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suicide
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi, i didnt really know where to put this, but i figured health was probably the best place. feel free to move it if you think another board is more suitable.
my flatmate Ian (one of my best friends) committed suicide last tuesday (the 8th). we found him in his room and it was horrible, the worst thing ive ever seen, i do not wish it on anyone. he had been locked in his room for 2 days but we only got worried towards the third day, as he often did this, as he liked a lot of time alone to work/read whatever. so when we realised that he'd been in there for over 48hrs and no one had seen or heard anything, we got worried and phoned the landlady to bring the keys to his room. at this point we all thought he just wouldnt have been in there, he'd been depressed before but had seemed a lot better this year, apart from becoming quite rude and slightly withdrawn...yet his happier times were more frequent. anyway the landlady sent her husband round with the keys and me and one of my other flatmates ben went up there with him, and well, Ian was dead. hanged. went into shock obviously...i dont really remember a lot of that night.
anyway the reason im posting is just for a bit of advice nd support really. ive actually been ok, been concentrating on the practical things like getting a room in halls temporarily, etc. i dont feel overwhelmingly sad, although i am definitely low, i cant really be bothered to do a lot of stuff, like uni work. im not angry or guilty or whatever, im just nothing. i feel like im kind of in limbo, waiting for it to hit me suddenly. ive only cried once, apart from on the night tself, and that was because i was drunk. and we havent had the funeral yet. im scared it all going to hit me suddenly and i wont be able to cope. we are back in the house now, and it's ok. im just...coping. im not really anything. is this normal?
my flatmate Ian (one of my best friends) committed suicide last tuesday (the 8th). we found him in his room and it was horrible, the worst thing ive ever seen, i do not wish it on anyone. he had been locked in his room for 2 days but we only got worried towards the third day, as he often did this, as he liked a lot of time alone to work/read whatever. so when we realised that he'd been in there for over 48hrs and no one had seen or heard anything, we got worried and phoned the landlady to bring the keys to his room. at this point we all thought he just wouldnt have been in there, he'd been depressed before but had seemed a lot better this year, apart from becoming quite rude and slightly withdrawn...yet his happier times were more frequent. anyway the landlady sent her husband round with the keys and me and one of my other flatmates ben went up there with him, and well, Ian was dead. hanged. went into shock obviously...i dont really remember a lot of that night.
anyway the reason im posting is just for a bit of advice nd support really. ive actually been ok, been concentrating on the practical things like getting a room in halls temporarily, etc. i dont feel overwhelmingly sad, although i am definitely low, i cant really be bothered to do a lot of stuff, like uni work. im not angry or guilty or whatever, im just nothing. i feel like im kind of in limbo, waiting for it to hit me suddenly. ive only cried once, apart from on the night tself, and that was because i was drunk. and we havent had the funeral yet. im scared it all going to hit me suddenly and i wont be able to cope. we are back in the house now, and it's ok. im just...coping. im not really anything. is this normal?
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Comments
sorry this might not of helped but i tryed....
your numbness is a feeling ...a reaction. probably your drinking and lack of will ...your already hurting.
i guess feeling numb and strange and weird is the first stage. i know everyone reacts differently to these things. it doesn't always hit hard after that - you can stop that from happening. the best way is to talk. talk as much as you can about it. to your flatmates if you feel you can. or possibly to a counsellor, or outside person. the counsellor is probably the best bet, cause you can say anything, even things that might upset or shock your friends. you probably have this whole mass of weirdness, and mixed up feeling, and you can either leave it inside (where you get the hitting hard bit) or just let it out. talk, cry, scream, hit pillows, laugh. whatever it takes. but nothing that will hurt you. i think you already know the drinking is a bad idea.
one broken life is enough. don't let it break yours too.
It will always hurt you, but it does get better, trust me x
There is no right or wrong way to feel when something like this happens in your life and you can find yourself going from feeling nothing at all to a zillion different emotions at once. Having lost a few people to me via suicide and accidents I can completely empathise with what you are going through but I really would urge you to try and find an alternative to drinking alone as your coping/dealing mechanism or you will simply fall into a whole other mess.
Talk to people, take comfort in your other mates, take time for yourself and eat properly and sleep plenty. Talk to your GP if this is taking it's toll on your health/ sleeping patterns/ anxiety. Talk to those close to you/ a counsellor/ the following helpline [CRUSE - Free, confidential advice and infomation for any young person affected by a death. Tel: 0808 808 1677] or write it all down to make sense of the situation and how you are feeling.
this TheSite article may also help
Take care of you, and as you know the boards are always here
Susie x
drink drugs and shock don't work together to your benefit.
don't be alone with all this.