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Bisexuality
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Just recently I've discovered that I'm bisexual. I've always noticed something about certain guys and I never knew what it was. Then i realized that I find some men attractive. It's a really wierd experience realizing you're bisexual and in a way it's kind of scary. Some people give me their opinions on the matter
Blessed Be
Blessed Be
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There's been a lot of discussion recently on the board about bisexuality etc. If you do a search, you'll find lots of threads that may help you.
I think I'm bi too but I haven't had a same sex experience yet. Whether I enjoy it or not when it happens will help me to finally decide but regardless of that, any sexuality that is consenting and no-abusive is cool by me! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
This is just what happened to me, it's probably different for everyone. I eventually made my mind up that I was gay and realised that I had been all along, I just was scared of finally saying it to myself.
A friend of mine finds men attractive and has had relationships in the past but would'nt go out with one now, more's the pity.
You've got to make up your one mind about what you want and can't let anyone deciede for you.
That there
That's not me
(omg i just realised who's gonna read this and he's soooo gonna wind me up about it, if you DO read this then you know who you are, then just shhhhh!!)
Burn baby burn!
I'd probably say that everyone is born Bi by default and that interests and sexual orientation develops as the individual grows up.. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
Burn baby burn!
i dont think im bi,i love men,but i have pulled a few girls,and it was nice,but im straight,at least i think i am!my bf is bi,i dont have a prob at all,in fact its quite fun,coz i can ask him if he thinks certain guys are fit!and if he ever wants a 3sum!!............
I haven't got anything to say about this thread but I wanted to say to Justin that I think that's a really interesting point <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
I personally don't believe in bisexuality and have some strong views which I will not go into detail, because I know the reaction it will cause.
I have to dissagree hear I think that sexuality is something conditioned. I was abused as a little kid then raped in my early teens, I really questioned my sexuality in a big way to the point of having homosexual feelings for a mate ( he didn't feel the same way) and now personally believe I have been homosexual have become homophobic due to conditioning, I have had a few sexual relationships with women and feel niether one way or another. But I don't believe in going in both worlds. I even had this argument when a dr in hospital said I must be bisexual, I jumped down her throat feeling very insulted..only to hear her reply "I'm bi" but I guess each to their own, it's not a world for me.
Luk
~ If you can see the beauty of whatyou aspire to, it doesn't matter if you achieve it all. Simply to aspire is no mean achievement ~
For example, a non-abused person growing up develops feelings for the same sex through his own mentality and then cross-reference this with an abused person who's contact and feelings are disalusioned due to events and experiences that this person has had to deal with. This person's mind will try to rasionalise this events and explain them logically which could cause the confusion.
Once again tho, I'd stick with my opinion that during hormonal development, individuals decide their sexuality but adding that previous early experience can influence these opinions and attitudes towards same/opposite sex partners.
*goes off to sign himself up to be a physcologist*
I sorta disagree with both Justin and Luka.
Re - Justin's post - I don't believe EVERYONE is born bi. I believe that there is a scale from completely gay to completely straight but many people sit in the grey area. According to how far up the scale of their inclination, it determines their sexuality. Some people are completely gay or completely straight but many people have tendencies either way - some with stronger inclinations than others.
Re - Luka's post - that is an awful thing to have happened to you, Luka, and there is no doubt that abuse of any kind can confuse one's sexual identity. But most people are fortunate enough not to suffer abuse so, if that is the case, why do many turn out gay or bisexual? I have a friend that is quite effeminate and he is also certain that he is gay. He's never been abused, comes from a good home and (most importantly) he has never had sex with either guys or girls. But he knows he is only attracted to guys. It's just a part of him, deep down in his psyche.
At college, there is a girl in my group that is and only could be a lesbian. She has masculine features, broad shoulders, built like the proverbial brick shithouse - she was born like that, has never been sexually abused etc but, once again, it is just her nature.
I do think that some people can be affected, either positively or negatively, to a "conditioning" experience but most people who are sexually ambivalent are so because of their genetic makeup.
It's worth noting that recent studies have shown that far more same-sex encounters occur amongst animals in the wild than was previously thought - another indication that whether gay, straight or bi, what you are is often determined by the genes you were born with. It's only human prejudice that causes us to be judgmental of the sexual preferences of others ...
I heavily believe in this last comment from J@ke, thats where many of the problems in sexual orientation lye and why many people cover up themselfs for years before breaking out and letting everyone know (ie. Barrymore).. I think one thing I will find most interesting about the animal study is that they don't have any aspects demining the behaviour of same sex encounters and therefore these are deamed as acceptable.
ok i am in a relationship with a bloke (as most of u know!) nd I THINK i am strait but there is always a side of me who wonders what it would be like to have a sexual experience with a woman.
my bf is kinda one of those lads who dont belive in promoting homosexuality, but he aint totally against it or ne thing. and sometimes he askes me if i think a man is good looing and if i sa no he says i do.
(I THINK AFTER THIS I AM GONNA MAKE A POST OF SOEMTHING WHAT JUST CAME INTO MY HEAD!)
and in everyones life i think they kinda have some wonders about having a same sex relationship.
ok 2 of my friends who have been best friends for about 4 years,recently "came out" but at forst they said they were bi then they were gay, and personally i dont think they know wot they are. they are kinda going out together and i see nothing wrong with thatat all, but they r really obsessed with eachother and i dont think they can plan out their whole lives at 16 and rule out ever going wit ne1 else.
i mean both of them have been with guys and used 2 go round town and pull like 6/7 lads in one night.
oh i dunno but i dont dissagree with bisexuality i just kinda think alot of it is experimenting.
Ive had an abusive back ground, but i am bi,I will go either way, i do prefer men to women when it really comes down to it and i have had a lot more experiences with men than women because of the fact that you dont exaclty meet a lot of lesbian/bi girls in everyday life.
I mostly have met them by going out to the gay village or through gay friends that i have made in the gay village.
I dont think the way that i was treated as a child has had an effect on my sexuality at all, mayb it had? i dunno really, i went wiv women more if i just split up wiv a guy or somefin tho cos i was in a male h8 stage sorta thing, all i know is when ppl were talkin at school and sayin oh such and such a person is a lessie! are u gonna talk to her again i was sat there going yeah course i am theres nuffin wrong wiv it n checkin all the girls out on the fashion pages in my mag or somefin lol.
Nah seriously right it confuses me talkin about this sometimes! Ive never thought there was anything wrong with it and i always was curious about trying it and when i first kissed with another girl it was like 'god is that what all the fuss is about?' it just felt the same as snoggin a guy to me, there was no nice or icky feelings it was just a snog.
I know some women turn to other women because of abuse from the opposite sex and men must do too, but i think for someone to go that way there must have been something there in them in the first place, i dont think you can just become gay.
Now i think about it you know i probably wouldnt give two shits if i never ever slept with another women for the rest of my life but i would with a man, but i wouldnt say no if they were nice and yes i probably no doubt will go with a women again b4 i die but i could go without em if u know what i mean.
It is confusin all this sexuality stuff cos u try and say ok i like both but when u think about it theres so many issues and whatever that its just not that simple.
I know the thought of havin a sexual relationship wiv another guy for some men is like <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/eek.gif"> , but i mean i do wonder a lot if thats what they really do think or if a lot of them sort of like the idea of it.
Cos i have snogged loads of my m8s (cos they wanted to!!) so they know what its like and loads of them have gone all the way wiv women and would do again, and i dont know it just seems to me like all the girls think about it but the lads dont, do you think maybe girls r more inclined?
Hummmm anyway ive been writin this for ages, and ive totally lost the plot im tired and i need my bed now! no doubt ill go off n post to somefin else <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/rolleyes.gif">
Erm ... what exactly IS promoting homosexuality? I don't know of any gays who want to be treated special or different - just to be treated the same as straights. i.e. a right to live without discrimination
A lot IS experimenting but if you're not even SLIGHTLY attracted to the same sex, you wouldn't do it, would you? There has to be something deep down in you to even say "hey, I'll try it once at least" ...
[This message has been edited by J@ke (edited 18-04-2001).]
i think this is a really good way of describing sexuality as a whole. i mean personally im way up on the straight scale, but im still in the grey area, and am interested in maybe a future sexual encounter with a woman. i mean i might try it and think no i dont wanna do that again, or like spirit said, and think well that was quite nice, i can live with or without it thuogh.. or i might think, well i like that just as much as sex with men, and then do them both equally. i dont think i'll slip further down the scale to the other end though, (reading this back ive realised how bad this sounds, like i think being gay is "slipping down" the scale <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/eek.gif"> i dont mean that at all, i just cant think of a better way to phrase it) coz im much more attracted to men than women 90% of the time id say.
but i think that you dont choose to be gay either, its like if a relationship breaks up someones accused of "making" the other partner "turn" gay and how all they need is a heterosexual partner to "make them right again" or something as equally patronising and prejudiced. a friend of mine, a male one with bisexual tendencies actually, went out with a girl, they broke up and after that her next relationship was with another girl, so theres lots of jokes about the guy sending her gay and all that. but ithink if people actually start believing that, then they're wrong. (actually the girl is bi too coz shes got off with the guy agian since and ive heard something from him about all 3 of them being involved in something or other!! and hes not the sort of person to brag about stuff that didnt happen like that, but hey)
jolizzie maybe your bf is looking at guys just to see how he compares to them sorta thing, and to judge what you find attractive in a man? just a suggestion, course he might have some kind of curiosity towards the same sex deep down too, i suppose its like when they say the homophobics are like that because they have something to hide and dont want to admit their feelings to themselves or others. oh and none of this is meant to offend, jolizzie <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
yeah i agree with that, i mean maybe it IS just a curiosity and you arent really bi... but youre not gonna know unless you try it, and i think everyone's entitled to experimentation without having labels attached to them as being bi or lesbian/gay, if they are still trying to work this out for themselves. but i guess society's not gonna change any time soon... <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/rolleyes.gif">
Burn baby burn!
But I also agree with everything she said about bisexuality too.
You rock girl! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif">
I personally am straight.. sure ive had passing thoughts abt being with a woman but that's all it has ever been. However, ive had so many arguements with bigoted, racist and sexist ppl abt their prejudices.
Only a couple of weeks ago i was having this huge arguement with my god father because he is prejudiced against pretty much every1. As im always doing this i think alot of ppl think that i am gay.. and you know what, i dont see it as an insult coz it isnt at all.
During the arguement i found out that if his daughter was gay he'd never have her in the house again BUT if his son was gay he'd be allowed in the house.. he's such a b*****d.. even his wife thinks so. The scary thing is that he's a really influencial person and it scares me in thinking that these sorts of ppl can be in any influencial position.
Anyway.. just thought id say tht lol...its so refreshing 2hear more non-prejudiced ppl.
love me <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif">
awww thanks babes <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"> xxxxxx <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/biggrin.gif">
i dont know anyone whos gay in my town actually. like i said i know a boy before whos snogged another boy apparently... and the two girls that i dont know at all who are lesbians... actually one of my best m8s jon is bi, hes only told those close to him and isnt planning on coming out EVER in our town, well not when hes at school, he'd be cricified and he knows it. which is quite a sad thing. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif">
Burn baby burn!
I think people are afraid about what they don't understand and because of this they 'shun' away from it, however recently with programs from channel 4 such as 'Queer As Folk' and 'Metrosexuality' becoming increasing popular across genders and taste these 'black curtains' are slowly being lifted.
We joke about gender roles and sexuality a lot though. I'm not very feminine and he's not very masculine, both of us are somewhere in the middle but we've influenced eachother. It's pretty ironic, but I think the fact that he's pretty feminine has made me more feminine (you know when you hang around people a lot you pick up some of their traits) and the same goes for him being more masculine. We think it's pretty funny and laugh about it all.
I guess the point of this is that there really is a grey area and it's good to be open and humorous about it.
Things have certainly got a lot easier in the past 4 years, a few of my old mates from the forces have even come out and I can remember the stick I used to get... now thats bottle I can assure you... <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
i'm super glad that it's easier for you now... i think the more that people get used to and comfortable with their sexuality the more confidence they have, and the easier it gets.
Then last sat i went out clubbin with my best m8 and it got weirdly sexual, we were like giving each other massages and we did end up pukllin and sharin a bed but nothin more happened. i think we both wanted to but neither of us would make the first move.
I have a drinking problem. Two hands yet only one mouth.
On the topic - I'm 17 and bi although I've never had a serious relationship with anyone. I'm a bit envious reading these posts as most of you seem to be having a better time than me, with fewer hangups over your sexuality!
Gotta go ... but I promise to write more posts in future!
good to have ya back <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif">
Never put off to tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.