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Can't fall in love
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Right...where do i start?
I don't want to be boring and go into details, because i ithink that i'm repeating myself... I had two crushes that both rejected me. Both were long time crushes, one was on for about 4 years (i was a kid then, ok?
), and the other one lasted for about 2 years. I'm 17 now, and just got out of my last crush, so i was 15 when i got it.
I realise that my problem is that, when i get to like a girl, i can't tell her, and it always grows into an imaginary relationship, i get to like her more and more, and then i get too embarrased to even to her. I know, it's even a bit childish of me. It's just the way i am (or was).
I want to change, and i think i finally realised that i should get in a "i don't care what happens" state early into our friendship, and go ask her out. That would save me a lot of trouble (and years) that would arise from rejection. The problem is, i already have the fear of rejection. It's nothing huge, but it just sits there in my mind.
Ok, now for the question: I can't fall in love! In order to fall in love, i have to like her personality. I can't do that in a club or whatever. And i don't go clubbing much, anyway. I prefer hanging around with my friends, so i can't really meet new people. At school, i see about 500 people every day, and let us assume that out of that number, 250 are girls. That's a good start. But how am i supposed to 'see' personalities in a crowd? I don't have filter view, do i? A first impression of a girl can be: sweet and nice. And that impression can last for a week, before she loosens up when around you, and then you can see she's a worthless bitch, if you get what i mean. I have several girl friends that act like that. When they meet someone, they're all sweet, and I just can't believe the difference, since i know them very well.
How can i intercept and evade that? How do i find a girl to fall in love with?
If you're still reading, then thank you, and sorry for all the confusion, i haven't sorted it in my mind yet.
I don't want to be boring and go into details, because i ithink that i'm repeating myself... I had two crushes that both rejected me. Both were long time crushes, one was on for about 4 years (i was a kid then, ok?
), and the other one lasted for about 2 years. I'm 17 now, and just got out of my last crush, so i was 15 when i got it.I realise that my problem is that, when i get to like a girl, i can't tell her, and it always grows into an imaginary relationship, i get to like her more and more, and then i get too embarrased to even to her. I know, it's even a bit childish of me. It's just the way i am (or was).
I want to change, and i think i finally realised that i should get in a "i don't care what happens" state early into our friendship, and go ask her out. That would save me a lot of trouble (and years) that would arise from rejection. The problem is, i already have the fear of rejection. It's nothing huge, but it just sits there in my mind.
Ok, now for the question: I can't fall in love! In order to fall in love, i have to like her personality. I can't do that in a club or whatever. And i don't go clubbing much, anyway. I prefer hanging around with my friends, so i can't really meet new people. At school, i see about 500 people every day, and let us assume that out of that number, 250 are girls. That's a good start. But how am i supposed to 'see' personalities in a crowd? I don't have filter view, do i? A first impression of a girl can be: sweet and nice. And that impression can last for a week, before she loosens up when around you, and then you can see she's a worthless bitch, if you get what i mean. I have several girl friends that act like that. When they meet someone, they're all sweet, and I just can't believe the difference, since i know them very well.
How can i intercept and evade that? How do i find a girl to fall in love with?
If you're still reading, then thank you, and sorry for all the confusion, i haven't sorted it in my mind yet.
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Comments
I don't think it ever works when you're trying to push it. Love has to come naturally - when you force something like this, it's not real. The best part about love is how it's so raw, so real, so true... you can't create that. It just happens.
One day you'll meet someone who amazes you - in all likelihood it'll be when you're not looking, too, which can sometimes be a blessing, and other times a complete sodding nightmare - love is more likely to stem from you getting to know someone over a period of time, as opposed to you meeting someone in a club and immediately trying to assess whether not not they're the right 'material' for you to fall in love with.
Stop trying. And trust me, I'm taking my own advise here, too - get out there and live a bit. Stop trying to find love - go out there with an open mind and if you find it, you find it. You'll appreciate it so much more that way, too.
Feel better.
I think i should add this:
Last night i got really lashed, and i realised that i had so much of some 'gentle energy' that i have to share with someone. It isn't about the need to be cuddled, it is the need to cuddle. I'd like to get a gf not because i'm desperate, but to have someone to be gentle to.