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Phone numbers
Indrid Cold
Posts: 16,688 Skive's The Limit
This will sound ridiculous, but it's been a number of years now that I can't get myself to ask the phone numbers of people I know. To avoid any misunderstandings, I'm not talking about women I might meet, but people I hang around with at uni and stuff. Only ones I got were of some that I had to work with, so we needed to have some kind of contact.
One reason is that I don't know how much I'm supposed to know someone before asking their number. Another (and biggest) is that, well, I'm afraid they'll not give it to me. I know that in that case it means they're not really "friends", but I'm actually afraid of finding out that they aren't. I'm generally paranoid about whether people that act like they like me actually do, or they're just pretending to for whatever reason.
I feel that not knowing people's numbers limits the interaction I can have with them. For example, the ones I was with last year at uni never acted like they didn't want me there when I was with them (except one, whom I don't like either), but on the other hand they never invited me to anywhere they were going at weekends and stuff. This could be because they actually don't like me, or because they think I don't like them enough since I never asked their numbers, or simply because whoever organized each "outing" didn't want to invite everyone (as I wasn't the only one who wasn't asked to go).
I hope what I write makes sense... I'm pretty confused as you can probably tell, and as the new year is getting closer, I think I should know what to do and what to not do... Anything you can say will be welcome, unless it resembles "You idiot, just < insert comment here >."
One reason is that I don't know how much I'm supposed to know someone before asking their number. Another (and biggest) is that, well, I'm afraid they'll not give it to me. I know that in that case it means they're not really "friends", but I'm actually afraid of finding out that they aren't. I'm generally paranoid about whether people that act like they like me actually do, or they're just pretending to for whatever reason.
I feel that not knowing people's numbers limits the interaction I can have with them. For example, the ones I was with last year at uni never acted like they didn't want me there when I was with them (except one, whom I don't like either), but on the other hand they never invited me to anywhere they were going at weekends and stuff. This could be because they actually don't like me, or because they think I don't like them enough since I never asked their numbers, or simply because whoever organized each "outing" didn't want to invite everyone (as I wasn't the only one who wasn't asked to go).
I hope what I write makes sense... I'm pretty confused as you can probably tell, and as the new year is getting closer, I think I should know what to do and what to not do... Anything you can say will be welcome, unless it resembles "You idiot, just < insert comment here >."
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Comments
I very much doubt someone would say no for you to have their number if your friendly with them. Without my friends mobile numbers i really dont know what i would do to be honest. Without their number you are limitiing your interactions as you said.
Best way to ask for a number is by saying something on the lines of
"It'll be good to meet up some other time, would you like to swop numbers so we know where and when"
Hope i got the right end of the stick with your thread, quite alot of writing there and i'm getting tired
I don't think your problem is actually phone numbers per say. You just need to be be a lil lil more confident in your self. You say you're afraid they wont give you their number? Well then try, "Hey here's my number so we can get in touch for any reason." (for example.) With that they'll probably give you theirs in return. But if they don't, then so what you know.
You also say you're suspicious of people, about whether they actually like you or not. Maybe that suspicion shows and they think your're a bit cold or un-friendly, kinda thing. Try being a bit more sociable and when you are with them try and ignore that thought at the back of your head that's saying "they dont really like, what exactly am I doing here" kinda thing.
You could also always ask them out, you know, be the one to arrange it. But if you're a bit shy I spose that can be a bit daunting.
Mmm, well I dunno if that helped, just think of it this way - phone numbers aren't that of a big deal. Even if ya don't believe it, it might help you overcome whatever is stopping you.
Anyway.
As the holidays are approaching, this matter has arisen again in my head... Though not as bad as when I made the thread (I did ask a couple of guys for their numbers, and I think I could more) it still is an issue. While "scanning" my brain to understand the fear, I found another thing.
It will sound funny or weird (which I am) but I'm afraid to ask girls for their number, because they might think I'm hitting on them or anything. Is that a reasonable idea, or just one more piece of proof that I'm an alien to this world and I don't know how people's minds work?
Yeah I think most people find this, but you just gotta get over the fact. Just ask for their number in casual conversation like 'hey whats your number so I can let you know when we're all going out' or something, then it implies you want her number on a friends basis rather than a personal one. Failing that, ask people when theres others in the room, then maybe a few of you can swap numbers and it isn't so awkward.
To be honest, I've found this at university too, I hate asking for peoples numbers, which is strange cos I'm quite a confident person, but I still only have about 7 uni peoples numbers on my phone, and only a few which I actually use!
Thing is though, pertraining to me there is no "we all" so far. Apart from the "students at the same university", I don't belong in any kind of group.
I think this would be slightly stranger than asking for their phone number...depends. If you've got a reason for asking for their email then fair enough, like if you're in the same hall at uni it's quite useful to use msn if u wanna ask something quickly or whatever, or if you need work emailed or whatever/you're on the same course. But asking for someones email for no reason is maybe a little strange, especially if they're not a computer person.
Well then just say something like 'I was gonna get a group of us to go out to (insert place name, umm clubbing/cinema/whatever) some time, do u wanna give me your phone number and i'll let you know?'
or something along those lines anyway!