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why?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
My husband and I have been married for 2 years now. We have sex maybe twice a month that menas 24 times per year. I have no idea why he is never turned on. I am 33 120 lbs long blond curly hair I am not ugly or fat or anything... it seems that no matter what I try he is absolutely not interested in me. I had a baby almost 2 years ago and did not quite loose all the weight yet. I am so lost and cant explain why a guy would not want to have sex with me...I never ever had a problem like this. My ex-boyfriend and I had sex at least twice a day some days more.......When I go out,I have guys interested in me all the time. But my husband cant seem to get turned on.I am sometimes thinking about leaving him because of this. When I mention this subject he gets all mad and throws things and yells...so, I dont really want to say anything to him. He does masturbate though and visits sex sites online. I caught him several times. This really hurts my feelings, because I dont know why he does it himself but cant touch me.He is not talking about it, his excuse is that he has so much stuff on his mind and cant think about sex too. I dont want to go cheat on him,because I do love him. But, what to do? I am to young not to get laid anymore.
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He's obviously still got a sex drive, but because things have gotten complex with you its easier to masterbate. Probably not something he'd really rather do, but theres no pressure.
Attempting to push him into anything isnt going to solve the situation. As unfair as it may sound you're probably going to have to make the first move and try and talk to him about it.
Communicate and then he may well tell you whats going on in his head.
I would suggest that perhaps you need some sort of outside help then if he wont talk to you about the issue. It seems either that or you're going to leave, which would be a shame.
I am concerned about his temper when you mention things. You should never be frightened to talk about things, and if you feel that you are in danger, then its not a healthy environment for you or your baby. babys pick up on a lot more than they are given credit for.
It sounds like he has serious issues of his own. Do you think he is depressed maybe?
When I married him he had his temper under controland I did not know about it. He started to get angry in this way few month after we got married.I talked to his brother about this a while ago and he said he is doing much better he was way worst. He is not violent to any of us he lets his temper out to other things like a wall or the computer or a car. I am absolutely not scared of him. I have myself under control and if he ever touches me or any of the kids I am gone !
Anyways.....He could be depressed I would not know why but hey what do you know.
And I thought about the uncomplicated thin too like BONGBUDDA said. It is much easier to masturbate. Easy, quick and done. But what about me???
Good luck.
Its not an unreasonable request to want to have sex with your husband, but if youre already having sex once a fortnight, youre probably less unusual than you think for people married with children.
Youre still doing it, and hes still getting turned on, just has a lower sex drive than you. It doesnt necessarily mean theres anything wrong with your relationship. Me and my husband often go that long or longer between having sex. It sounds sad when written down, but we love each other and are affectionate, but he is on anti depressants which reduce libido. Also the fact weve been together 8 years means sex isnt as urgent as it is when you first get together.
Try and talk to him, but if you can't talk to him then you have problems.
A low sex drive in itself is not a problem, and a very low sex drive is quite often indicative of other problems, either personally or within the relationship.
If you're thinking of cheating as a "solution" then there aere obviously a lot of problems in your relationship that you need to work through. A sex life doesn't just die by itself.
I wouldnt call sex once a fortnight as a dead sex life, just not as often as she likes maybe.
Definitely.
I wouldn't class it as dead either, to tell the truth. But yes, not as much as it was before, or as much as she wants.
When we met I just sold my Log House near Alaska and had quite some money. I was robbed last year July and lost 250 k that didnt help our situation either.But things really came to an abrupt halt when I got pregnant. Ever since,it has not been the same. Our daughter is now almost 2 so it has been more than 2 and a half years with very little sex drive for him.
Just how old is that then?
And have you consider that maybe he's doing the dirty on you already?
Not saying he is, but perhaps you should keep that possbilty open.
Some men don't like having sex with mums, perhaps he had a messed up childhood and he views it wrong to want to sleep with you, as you're now a mum.
But who knows why....... Perhaps if you break up for a while the answer may come to your husband - Bit of time, space and soul searching may improve things for you both.
That's what I was thinking too.
Now your kid is two she must be walking and talking and maybe he sees you less as his wife and more as the mother of his child and that's putting him off
Problem is...I cant just go away for a while. I lost all my money and am stuck in a way. I just have to deal with this until things get better. I am trying to find out what could possibly be the reason since he has an excuse for almost 3 years now. This sux. I never thought I could ever be in this position..since I am actually pretty good looking,not trying to sound stuck up, but I never had a problem with guys.
Was he there for the Birth .. cos I'm thinking for some men once they see their wife give Birth there is a chance it's gonna put them off nookie
Maybe there's a reason in the old days men used to wait outside when the woman was giving birth .. and if you think about it in those days families were a lot bigger too!!
If we ever have another one, hes staying at the head end during the birth!!
I still maintain that once a fortnight is not that bad for a married couple with children. Yes some people have sex more often than that but a hell of a lot dont. Im surprised you would consider leaving over that. Are you sure there arent other issues?
It has nothing to do with whether you are good looking or not, im sure youre lovely. I think maybe a part of the problem is it sounds like youre putting a lot of pressure on about this. Considering leaving, and telling people your sex life is dead, when you are still having sex fairly regularly, even if its a bit of a wait inbetween.
I do feel for you, because Ive been there and I know its horrible feeling rejected, but you ARE still having sex.dont forget that and start convincing yourself its non existant.
How often would you like to have sex?
once a week? twice a week? every night? 3 times a night?
The thought about leaving because of that only comes from the problem that I have to say something to him. Like umm....it has been 3 weeks and I am kinda in the mood. Then he either says Thats all you ever think about, or... I am to busy thinking about other things.....but most of the time this is when we do have sex, because I said something. Do I always have to put a request in to get sex? Or would it be possible for him to just be in the mood. I cant even remember the last time he started it. Most of the time we have to have an argument over it and a day or two after that we have sex and thats it again. Until I cant hold it anymore.I dont know if you have ever been in pain because of the lack of sex. Its almost as if something is building up in your stomach area and it starts to hurt after several weeks. I am not into the masturbation thing if I dont absolutely have to, because I like to save myself for him. So, I wait. Now I wonder how often you guys have sex???
Also, sexy isnt just skimpy under wear and such, it can wierdly be really simple things. Like doing something he normally does around the house so he wont have to. Kind of saying, I care about you and I wanted to take a little wieght off. Now granted the sight of you maybe emptying the bin isnt going to get him rock hard but it will remind him of how nice you are.
I'm not explaining well.
Further than that, though, it certainly sounds liek the lack of sex may be a symptom of other cracks in your relatrionship. Perhaps your husband's anger is a result of issues that he is not dealing with, too? Have you considered therapy opf some sort? Again, it's a hard subject to approach, but it could really save your relationship.
here are some links to some artciles that you may like to read:
Sex therapy
Relationship therapy
Shake up your sex life
Mismatched sex drives
Hope some of this helps