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Can't cope anymore
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Over the past couple of years my mum has been having an affair with my dads now ex best friend. About to years ago my mum left us for him but then came back because of us. She still sees this man and makes it really obviouse to us that she is still having an affair with him. She is constantly on the phone to him and texting him even when my dad is around. I really can't cope with this anymore I wish she would stop seeing him and work things out with my dad or just leave.
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Can I just ask, why is your Dad still with her? Presumably out of love and respect for the family?
I'm sorry to hear that, it's not surprising you have no respect for your Mum. Do you think your Dad knows it's still going on?
I'm really sorry that you've found yourself in this situation. I realise how difficult it must be for you, and I do not condone extra marital affairs in any way shape or form. However - I have to say that there are probably things that have happened between your parents that you are unaware of. Who knows in what ways your mum may have been unhappy or for how long? You just don't know. Again let me say that I'm not condoning her having an affair. It's just that, possibly, your dad may deserve a little more of the blame than you're giving him....
It may be that they got back together for the sake of you kids... I know it's not making you happy, but parents are only human and sometimes we make mistakes. Quite often we end up doing the wrong thing for the right reasons. We like to think that we're protecting our children from the worst in some way, whereas sometimes we're just creating what is, in reality, an even worse situation. I stayed with my ex husband for some years because of my children when I really should have left him, and when I did finally end our marriage after years of misery, he managed to make himself out to be the victim to the children, who completely and utterly blamed me for a while.
Anyway, that's another story.
I think it's time you did some straight talking to your mum. Make her listen. Tell her how you're feeling. Tell her how you and your brother and sister are feeling pushed out and neglected. Tell her what you've told us. And most of all tell her that she should no longer expect you to cover for her - it's pretty selfish of her to ask you to do so. If you can't talk to her, write it all down in a letter to her.
It sounds to me as if her and your dad have got caught up in their own business and because you're quietly getting on with it, she thinks you're ok! Time to kick up a fuss, let her know how unhappy you are; she needs shocking back to reality.
Some people are very bad at listening but a letter might do the trick?