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Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Firstly, i love my boyfriend to bits however there is this nagging feeling i cannot get over.
In a week i go into hospital, i am very nervous and stressed about it. My main fear is with the anaesthetic and not waking up, silly i know but i am terrified.
I have had the same op before but other ear, i was with a boyfriend at the time, who was very supportive understood how i was feeling and listened, on the day he begged to get the day off work and came in 6 in the morning, leaving at about 9 at night, long day however he brought pressies and held the bucket whne i was being sick. Next day he had to beg to get college day off, without me knowing he caught the bus in to see me, with more pressies, saying that he was so worried about me he could not sleep.
However 6 months later he treated me like shit, saying that he was bored of me and didnt want to see me anymore in fact he was not that polite!
This time around my new boyf of 11 months seems reluctant to be there, as if he doesnt care...dont get me wrong he treats me far better than the first ever did, but he seems to hide his caring side, it really upsets me.
Just tonight we had an argument AGAIN! about something silly, his dog was playing up so i pulled him along, less than he would with the dog and he said "dont you ever pull my dog like that and hurt his neck else i will wring yours!" hypocritical to say the least!
we ended up in a slanging match with him leaving me to walk home alone.
It seems that he can shout, scream yell at me, talk to me like i am a lump of crap, yet if i should do the same back i am a bitch or something! it really upsets me i have split up (rather tried) in the past and would have thought that by doing so he relised how his attitude hurts me so, still i am left to keep trying, after 11 months still wondering if we even have a future!
what would you al suggest, how can i get on a little better?
a) i could let him walk all over me and be happy because we talk nicely?
b)treat him as he treats me and end up unhappy, and probably risk breaking up!?
In a week i go into hospital, i am very nervous and stressed about it. My main fear is with the anaesthetic and not waking up, silly i know but i am terrified.
I have had the same op before but other ear, i was with a boyfriend at the time, who was very supportive understood how i was feeling and listened, on the day he begged to get the day off work and came in 6 in the morning, leaving at about 9 at night, long day however he brought pressies and held the bucket whne i was being sick. Next day he had to beg to get college day off, without me knowing he caught the bus in to see me, with more pressies, saying that he was so worried about me he could not sleep.
However 6 months later he treated me like shit, saying that he was bored of me and didnt want to see me anymore in fact he was not that polite!
This time around my new boyf of 11 months seems reluctant to be there, as if he doesnt care...dont get me wrong he treats me far better than the first ever did, but he seems to hide his caring side, it really upsets me.
Just tonight we had an argument AGAIN! about something silly, his dog was playing up so i pulled him along, less than he would with the dog and he said "dont you ever pull my dog like that and hurt his neck else i will wring yours!" hypocritical to say the least!
we ended up in a slanging match with him leaving me to walk home alone.
It seems that he can shout, scream yell at me, talk to me like i am a lump of crap, yet if i should do the same back i am a bitch or something! it really upsets me i have split up (rather tried) in the past and would have thought that by doing so he relised how his attitude hurts me so, still i am left to keep trying, after 11 months still wondering if we even have a future!
what would you al suggest, how can i get on a little better?a) i could let him walk all over me and be happy because we talk nicely?
b)treat him as he treats me and end up unhappy, and probably risk breaking up!?
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Comments
Just think if this is the situation after 11 months..... what will it be like in another 11 months.... A boyfriend who treats you with respect and actually thankful your together would be a move in the right direction.....
Sorry but i cant see how the situation can change when your boyfriend is acting as he is
I was recently diagnosed with depression, to be honest this really doesnt help, i am petrified about this op, and instead of offering advice everyone says "you will be fine" no sitting and listening to worries, just "you will be fine" i am so scared i cant sleep, worrying about weather my boyf will be there or not doesnt help!
i try to get along, i understand when he is tired or hungry (most of the time) that he is really stroppy, and that he cannot talk to me without snapping, yet i will admitt i snap at him when i am depressed then i am worst in the world. now and again i get stroppy i am "evil" he gets stroppy " dont like it go"
seems like i cannot win!
let him be stroppy and i will be angelic, nice fluffy, happy all the time!"
probably he thinks that you're making a way too big fuss about it, since it's not really dangerous in his eyes. I don't know how dangerous/risky it actually is, but if he doesn't feel like it the same way as you do he won't be able to understand you in that matter.
so maybe both of you should work towards the solution of this problem together. you could think for yourself if you really have to feel that scared about taking the OP and he should try to get into your head better (maybe you have to open up to him a little more for that?).
about harrassing you verbally:
that's just plain wrong!
talk to him seriously about that and if he refuses to think first if it's really neccessary to start yelling before just barking out at you, then you really might be best off without him... as sad as it might be.
C) dump his lame ass and find someone who knows how to make you feel good about yourself
Some guys have problems expressing themselves about really caring for someone and about fear. It may actually be that he's picked up on how scared you are and is actually petrified about the op himself, but isn't willing to tell you. So instead he vents all his worry and frustration on you by lashing out. I'm not saying it's acceptable behaviour, because it's not at all, but I'm just wondering if maybe it goes deeper than it first appears. If you've been together for 11 months I think it's worth trying to work things out - don't throw away what you've got so easily.
If you're worried about the op then ask the hospital if you can perhaps speak with the person looking after you during the operation
or maybe go see a hypnotist
your boyfriend sounds like a dickwad, dump his ass!