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confidence
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
how the hell do you get confidence?
ive just graduated from uni, and i never managed to work out to make friends. not at all. never managed it in halls, never got on with housemates, and it was alwways crushing to be walking past the pub and looking in not being able to be there too.
i hate the way i look, i hate the way people scare me to death, and i dont know what there is to do about it.
i feel stupid for having to sign up somewhere like this to ask, its something youre just supposed to be able to do.
ive just graduated from uni, and i never managed to work out to make friends. not at all. never managed it in halls, never got on with housemates, and it was alwways crushing to be walking past the pub and looking in not being able to be there too.
i hate the way i look, i hate the way people scare me to death, and i dont know what there is to do about it.
i feel stupid for having to sign up somewhere like this to ask, its something youre just supposed to be able to do.
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Comments
if you answer yes then its to do with confrontation, facing the fear of a new person in front of you
im sure theres social groups for people like this, where you can go and meet other people who have the same kinds of problems
other than that i dont know
you stick your head in the air, and you walk everywhere like you know exactly where you're going and exactly what you'll do when you get there, and you're shitting yourself inside, but you never let it show.
in real life when i think somebody is being nasty to me i just run away and never look at them again. and i think the slightest look is being nasty, so i run away.
ive tried holding my head up tall, but it doesnt work. i cant keep the pretence up because i just end up feeling stupid and running away.
thanks for the replies.
I agree with Kaffrin here. I used to be very shy, I tried all these Techniques on how to be more confident but nothing worked. when i got my first proper job 2 years ago that staert to give me a confidence boost because i was forced to talk face - face with people and it started to work.
I now do what Karrin has suggested and no one even noticed im shit scared because on the outside i look confident, to proove this point. I hand ed in a cv the other day to a shop and ive just had an interview withthem the girl i had the interview with told me they liked me when they first saw me because i walked in their all confident and stuff, that fact is i was kinda afraid to walk upto her but i held my head up high and made it appear as if i was more confident than i am..
Try it, go out and hold your head up high. I make myself appear confident and take every situation as it occurs.
Good luck
My advice would be to take plenty of risks. You should also try not to obsess about what others may or may not be thinking. It's hard, but the truth is that you are your worst critic.
And no matter how hard it is to stay in a certain situation where you're feeling shit, try not to flee. Yes, it may be horrid to begin with, but it gets easier the more often you manage to not run. You also start feeling better about yourself if you can hold out.
Likewise, your fear only gets worse if you give in and run.
Overcoming a lack of confidence is something nobody can do but yourself. You've just got to believe in yourself, and force yourself to think more of your strong points than what you loathe about yourself.
Its is hard overcoming a lack of confidence i know because im still beating it. Fafnir VII is right also that only your can overcome and you will, believing in yourself, which i never used to do but have started doing, does work also. I learnt that you really do have to like / Love yourself before anyone else can, its similar with your own confidence.
It wont happen over night. Mine is still ongoing, i still find times when i feel im lacking in confidence and iw ant to run away but i know th ebest way to beat that is to ( for me personally ) throw myself right at it.
For my interview the other day i had to go talk to 2 customers in the shop, i was in my fancy gear to look good i felt so scared it too me about 5/10 minut3es to compose myself, even when i was doing it i was feeling nervous shaking but i did it and i felt a hell of a lot better for it.
but.. shyness is cute too!
i used to be insecure too but i realized that i was always comparing myself with other people... "she has better eyes than me" or "i have better this than her" and so on.... i think a lot of people do this.. and if you can stop this and just look at yourself and say.. i liek this and this about me it could help your confidence.. and don't compare yourself to other people. im sure that you are much better looking than you think!
confidence isnt something that anyone has.
its something that is lent to you from other people. Look at it like this, your in a social situation and your faced with talkin to a group of people....now until at least one of those people has laughed at one of your jokes, taken an interest in you, listened to what your saying etc then you arent gonna feel very confident....you only start to feel confident when the wheels are in motion kinda thing....see what im saying? the boost that the initial interaction gives you is confidence itself, its lent to you....
so...in conclusion, the only way to be confident, is to pretend you are, jump in both feet first, get your head to the surface and splash around til you start to actually feel confident...yeah that sucks, but its pretty much how it works
Peace
nah man you'll be ok, there are more understanding people out in the real world than us
I'm interested to know, though, what has made you feel this way in the first place.
:yes: If you appear confident and happy, people will be drawn to you. Other times you gotta force yourself to be sociable. \
I used to be very shy and stuff too, but if somebody tries to intimidate me (and I've had it in barwork -which is great for bringing you out of yourself in my experience-) I imagine a silvery-green shield in front of me, imagine myself untouchable.
What you put out to people is how they tend to perceive you. You act happy and they'll swarm, you act sad, or lonely then if you attract people a lot may wanna take advantage.
Head high, keep smiling... you'll be fine.
But couple of years ago i knew someone similiar to you whos low self esteem prevented him from going out and socialising.. or doing anything..... he consequently went to see expert advice and they predicted it was a social phobia and whatever these experts did worked... he's alot more relaxed around people.