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im so tired...of falling in love i find it easier..to fall out..

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
and i can't deny it, i feel it inside i keep it locked up, but it can't hide, im fallin in love again!

I dont know what to do, ive fallen in love with my gf but i dont know if thats a good thing or not because by the looks of things, im about to be really really hurt by her when she breaks up with me. :(

We've just come back from a trip to skeggy with her mate and her mates bf.

things were going great the 1st night, went out into skeggy town on the piss, got rather drunk and decided to walk back to the camp site, we walked along the beach and it ended up just me and the gf walking on our own as the other 2 were really slow and carrying each other. we were talking and i asked her if she loved me, she said yes, so i asked her to actually say it to me so id know she wasnt just fucking around so she said it 'i love you'. it made me feel really happy to hear her say it and ive realised that indeed i love her too. the next day i asked her what she could remember about the night before and she said nothing but i know this isnt true as she mentioned quite a lot about what happened later on. anyway, went out again the next night and she didnt really drink much whereas i had a fair bit. i was pretty tipsy but not drunk but she was (so she says) sober. we were dancing together really close and I leaned in and whispered in her ear ‘I love you’ she carried on dancing with me but she didn’t say anything so I asked her ‘do you still love me too?’ and she said she didn’t know.

We’ve talked a lot since Saturday (the day I told her I loved her), ive kind of backed back out of saying I love her by saying I don’t know how I feel and that I said what I did because it was what I felt at the time and that I was a bit merry. She wont commit to loving or not loving me, just says she doesn’t know but now shes thinking about weather she wants to even stay with me or not because she says shes going to have a lot going on in her life (starting college, work etc) and that she doesn’t know if she can handle all that and have a relationship at the same time. I don’t think she was thinking this before I told her I love her.

I do still love her but I don’t want to tell her that in case she freaks out again. Shes told me that she can feel herself falling in love with me but only if she lets herself and she doesn’t know if she wants to do that or not. Shes been in love twice in the past and both times it ended badly and I think this is affecting her decision (which its bound to).

I asked her if she would break up with me because she was scared of getting too close to each other and she says no not because of that. But shes also been having these break downs where she just thinks about things really deeply and it affects her mood completely (she had them before she got with me though so its not me that’s causing them) and she doesn’t think that its fair on the relationship for her to just ignore me for a couple of hours while she goes through one of these. Ive told her that I don’t mind and I am completely understanding with them and she can have as much time to herself as she needs but that I’ll always be there should she need to talk.i asked her if she felt strongly enough about these break downs to break up with me over them and she doesn’t know.

Ive asked her if she feels happy with me and if I make her feel happy and she says yes. She says she needs to sort out how she’s feeling about me but I cant understand what shes trying to work out.

I asked her if she still likes me and she said yes, of course she does so I guess that’s a good sign.

I don’t really know what im asking here to be honest I just needed to get it off my chest. I really hope she comes to the conclusion that she loves me too but somehow I just cant see it happening and I can see her breaking up with me before she gets in too deep. I’ve asked if shes happy going out with me and if she does want to be in a relationship with me and she also said yes to these but shes not sure if she can handle the pressure of having a relationship at the same time as having these break downs and having the stress of college and work as well.

Any advice or thoughts on this will be greatly appreciated!

icey x


  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey man, wow thats a pretty long post, its good u got if of yer chest....

    She mite be scared of comitment, or more presicely, scared that comitment will result in her getting hurt, which wud be ontop of these breakdowns you mentioned, plus the stress of college etc.

    Have you ever tried to discuss them with her? like the true root of her troubles. Take her uncertainty as a cry for help, maybe she just needs to know in herself that you do care about her etc.

    So yeh, my advice wud be to try and talk to her about her problems and make sure she gets it all of her chest. If you can sense that she hasnt told you whats really bothering her or the whole story, try again another time, maybe when shes drunk.... remember, "the drunk man's words are the sober man's thoughts"

    As for you, dont worry about falling in and out of love, its something that just happens eh?


    the spirit of teen
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Don't know if I got the wrong end of the stick here but it sounds like you asking her all the deep questions has made her back off a bit. Ease up on her, give her space and time and just be nice to her without constantly asking if she loves you, if she is happy with you etc. This way she will see how nice you are and then she can decide if she wants to carry on with the relationship.

    If she is worried about falling in love because she has being hurt in the past then the best way to go about a relationship is to be totally relaxed and you have to stop worrying if she loves you, she will break up with you if she wants to, so just be nice and normal, leave all the pressure questions at home when you see her and I hope it all works out for you.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I totally agree.
    In the end "I love you" are just words that don't prove a thing.
    Show her by your actions that you love her. Then she won't feel rushed but she'll _see_ the great guy in you.

    Keep your head up! It'll work out :)
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