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what is wrong with me?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I have been best friends and/or dating this girl for the past 3 years. Now that we are friends, she is going out to clubs and stuff to meet other guys. She lost her virginity to me, but slept with two guys, one of whom she knew I hated soon after we broke up. The break-up,as you can imagine, was very emotional for both of us. She never told me because she didn't want to hurt me, but I feel shattered. I feel like I never want to talk to her again one minute, and than I feel like I can't live without her the next. My mind is totally messing with me. My emotions and mood are changing every second. Laughing one second, crying the next. I can't stand to hear about her with anyone else, yet I need to know every minute detail even though it kills me. When she is happy and feeling good, it makes me a little more depressed, and when she is down and comes to me to talk, it makes me feel better. One minute I'm so angry and hurt at her about not telling me and everything, and the next I'm making sure she'll always be here for me. What the hell is wrong with me? I feel like I need some serious medication. I feel like I want to take some sleeping pills and wake up in a few months, just so I don't have to think anymore. I over-analyze everything, and have lost most of my friends because I don't act all cool and like everythings allright all the time. This girl is basically my only support, the only person I really care about with all my heart. I was thinking maybe I should take some time off from her, but I can't see myself not talking and hanging out with her almost every single day. I am seeing a therapist but it doesnt seem to help, although he is extremely caring and has great advice and is probably the smartest person I have ever met. Whats wrong with me??????
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It's hard to hear that he's having a good time but it really make me happy when he's like "been sitting around being a loser." yes, I do have a cold heart.
I know how you feel though because you want so bad to be with the person but obviously they dont feel the same for you as you do for them. And if your "friendship" which basically consists of jealousy, envy and no communication, is all they're willing to givem I'd gladly take it. But what has really helped me, was getting out of the situation.
I know that my ex still cares about me and I still care about him. But it was really dragging me down to hear all this stuff about him when I had to hold back my feelings for him.
If you think you can handle hearing about her being with other guys, than stay and try to work things out with her. Let her know how you're feeling because she might not even realize this hurts you so bad.
oh and over-analyzing is one of the worst habits to make. Trust me, it never helps at all and in the end, it only makes you 10 times more miserable and everyone else around you 10 times more frustrated. The next time you catch yourself doing it, stop yourself, it's not a healthy thing to get in the habit of!! :thumb:
oh and btw, I think this might belong in Relationships....
Probably better in the relationships forum, also it helps if you break up your text so that it's easier to read. Having said that...
Nothing's wrong with you. You've been somehow attatched to the girl for three years, and now that things aren't the same you're having trouble dealing with it because you still like her. I doubt very much that she slept with one of the other guys as a personal attack to you, but it would be unrealistic to expect her not to just because you disliked him. People don't work like that.
You might feel that you never want to talk to her one minute because you're angry with her, or because you feel that you can't or because you're trying to get over her. That's what you need to concentrate on - getting over her. It's hard, but eventually you'll be able to get back to your old lifestyle. Lots of things can help you get over her, but help is all that they can do as it's you who needs to put them into action and make an effort. Try meeting new people. You said that you have lost most of your friends, so why not make it your aim to repair broken friendships and make new ones rather than get this girl back? Once you have, you'll be able to go out with your friends on a night and on the weekend and then you'll start meeting new people.
It would seem like you have a need and the only thing to satisfy it is her. If you do at the moment, try not to constantly bombard her all day and every day. Give her the room she wants. She'll appreciate you a lot more for it even if she doesn't realise it yet. Don't be happy when she talks to you when you're down, be happy when she's happy. It might be hard if it ever involves another guy, but part of liking someone is liking them enough to appreciate what they want.
You might be very unhappy for a while, especially if this is recent, but if you're really worried then go and talk to your GP; or if for any reason you don't want to why not talk to your therapist and he'll advise you as best he can. It's good that you have someone pro' that you can talk to.
It might be hard, but just do little things to take your mind off her. Talking about it in places like this is good, but get a hobby, start going out with friends in the day as well as on a night, walk the dog, clean out your old junk, just find a way to occupy yourself. Time is the greatest healer, so while you're worried and bothered at the minute, look forward to being happy again soon enough. It might even pay you to talk to her about it if you are friends. It might also pay you to face up to reality if you're telling yourself a lie, and maybe you should try and move on?
Hope that helps. Let me know how it goes.
Tom