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Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi Guys,
Just another little problem from me, I have been with my boyfriend 9 months now, i have really enjoyed it, although theer has been times when i have hated it, i have felt very 'smothered' with work, both college and voluntary, mainly because my boyf does the same things as me.
I do not have many mates around now because most moved to uni, i stayed here, i have many mates with my voluntary work my boyfriend considers this to be 'unhealthy'
We are on teh same college course, we are in the same group and we do the same voluntary work. He moaned last night that in college i seem to make little effort to get to know anf to get on with the girls on my course, he is the only male, so naturally it is easy for him to use a little charm and to make friends, like he keeps saying they are "very pretty birds!" I however do not see their good points, many seem false, dont get me wrong i do chat to about 5 very nice people, 1 of which i met within 6 minutes of starting. I had mates on the course before he did!
He has now said that its all my fault that he does not get on with all the girls and that he does not have many friends on the course, because i am probably jealous.
I hate the fact that he has taken all this out of context to make me sound bad.
I feel looking back at it now that due to the teaching course, the work involved our relationship will not work, we like to work together as a team sharing books, and information, he has relied on me to type his work and to organise his time, the way i see it he would not have got through this year without my support, now at the end of the year he is saying that he needs space, as its all overpowering him.
This is upsetting as we all know a relationshp requires work and time for love to make an appearance, after months he still cannot say 'i love you' this seems a little strange to me. We spend 95% of our time together talking about work, doing work, getting stressed or doing voluntary work together.
Yes i see him everyday at college, but this set up is 'work work work' i cannot remember a time we actually spent where the word work, school, college, stress was NOT mentioned!
I come home feeling like its a matter of time before he gets bored of me, like my other boyfriends did.
Basically yes he does NEED to see his mates, which is fine with me, but i NEED to see my boyfriend during QUALITY time. I dont think this can work, can anyone suggest a strategy or improvement, yes the hols should be good, we can spend nice time, we can spend apart time but its another 9 months then to suffer the same torment as now!!!
Just another little problem from me, I have been with my boyfriend 9 months now, i have really enjoyed it, although theer has been times when i have hated it, i have felt very 'smothered' with work, both college and voluntary, mainly because my boyf does the same things as me.
I do not have many mates around now because most moved to uni, i stayed here, i have many mates with my voluntary work my boyfriend considers this to be 'unhealthy'
We are on teh same college course, we are in the same group and we do the same voluntary work. He moaned last night that in college i seem to make little effort to get to know anf to get on with the girls on my course, he is the only male, so naturally it is easy for him to use a little charm and to make friends, like he keeps saying they are "very pretty birds!" I however do not see their good points, many seem false, dont get me wrong i do chat to about 5 very nice people, 1 of which i met within 6 minutes of starting. I had mates on the course before he did!
He has now said that its all my fault that he does not get on with all the girls and that he does not have many friends on the course, because i am probably jealous.
I hate the fact that he has taken all this out of context to make me sound bad.
I feel looking back at it now that due to the teaching course, the work involved our relationship will not work, we like to work together as a team sharing books, and information, he has relied on me to type his work and to organise his time, the way i see it he would not have got through this year without my support, now at the end of the year he is saying that he needs space, as its all overpowering him.
This is upsetting as we all know a relationshp requires work and time for love to make an appearance, after months he still cannot say 'i love you' this seems a little strange to me. We spend 95% of our time together talking about work, doing work, getting stressed or doing voluntary work together.
Yes i see him everyday at college, but this set up is 'work work work' i cannot remember a time we actually spent where the word work, school, college, stress was NOT mentioned!
I come home feeling like its a matter of time before he gets bored of me, like my other boyfriends did.
Basically yes he does NEED to see his mates, which is fine with me, but i NEED to see my boyfriend during QUALITY time. I dont think this can work, can anyone suggest a strategy or improvement, yes the hols should be good, we can spend nice time, we can spend apart time but its another 9 months then to suffer the same torment as now!!!
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Comments
I know what ya mean, I also find it hard spending QUALITY time with my bf, and I always seem to have to take the initiative. You desperately need to brake the routine! Do spontaneous things maybe, like go for a little trip on the weekend, go out for dinner, arrange a little hot romantic evening kind thing? Like this maybe he'll start being more "aware" of you and not have to find petty things to argue about, and you'll both be looking forward to your relationship a bit more.
Mmm..dunno if that helped, but good luck.
Nah thats the thing i have said 'i love you' many times, he is not shy, more of a man whore!
So total confusion here, he is the type to tell someone, unless he really is not 'in love'
What if you called for some time alone...make him realise what he's missing kind of thing? I spose it's akind of 'dangerous' move but at least you'll be doing something instead of just leaving things as they are which are clearly maing you miserable?
I have been told that people usually fall in love after 4 months, anything after there may be problems, maybe he cannot say it, but the impression i get is that henever had trouble with ex's "i loved her so much"