Party

hi people, hope you all are ok.

Wel I have a little story which is in a way regarding the same problem.

3 weeks ago, my friend, Rachel invited me to her b'day party but she warned me that Sarah and the bf would also be there. For the people who know the whole story (if not, read my prev thread) you know the situation. So besides the fact that I had no money, I just told Rachel I couldn't go because I didn't want her night to be ruined and if me and him are in the same room, I knew I would lose it and everything would come flooding back and I would belt him. Rach said that she thought it would have been more than likely that Sarah would have said something to start it all off again.

So I didn't go to that party. Now my old school friend, Dave asked me a while back if I wanted to go to his 18th in July. I said yes and asked him on the of chance if Phil ( the bf) would be going,dave said he was 99% sure no, seeing as him n Phil barely speak. I then get an email from Dave saying he made a mistake and Phil was going. I thought if it was just Phil on his own, I could have handled it, but I knew he would never go to anything alone. I asked Dave if Sarah was also going and he said yes, so I said, sorry but I told u if he was going I wouldn't go, but if she's going also, I'm def not going.

Now people have been saying that I can't avoid them forever. Well by September I won't have to do it again, cos I and this guy go to uni, so we won't see each other. But I feel like I'm giving in to people. I really cannot describe how much I hate him though and I know that if I am in the same room as him, I will go mad cos I never want to speak to or see him or her again. When I go to work during weekends, I get nervous everytime cos I think that theyre going to come into where I work, like they used to a few times, and I know it's going to happen during the Summer, yes of course I can just not look at them, but to just imagine two people together who are the worst couple I have ever seen in my life, snogging , or no snogging, sex or no sex, that means shit without trust and honesty and I know that he still knows nothing about the things that happened between me and her, the book she made for me, her b'day card for me, the poem she emailed me saying I love you several times.

How can I overcome this fear? I am serious that I never want anything to do with them again, but when I try to get on with my own life, they appear again.Most likely when I go to uni, before I know it, I will have forgotten about the both of them all together because I will be making new friends, and it won't feel bad if I see them later on, but I'm more concerned about now.

I really don't know if I can manage going to this party, the moment they kiss, everything will come flooding back and I wil go mad.

Advice please friends.