Home› Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options

Guys opinions wanted aswell!

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships

Hey! :)
Im kinda confused cos ive been seeing this guy for about a month, maybe two. Seeing him as in we've met up a lot, we get on really well. And from more or less the beginning we started being all close with each other. We work in the same place but not exactly same area so see him quite a bit. If I dont go into where he is to say hi he jokes and sez oh thanx for comin to say hi, thats not v.nice! Or one time I didnt kiss him goodbye and got a text later on saying that he noticed i went without doing that. Im just a bit confused cos my definition of seeing someone is being like im going out with them only we've not made it official.

When I first started meeting up with him he had just come out of a two year relationship, so has been away from it for about 3 or 4 months now. He says he is over her and they are just good friends now, she has moved away and basically we've had a really good talk about this and i have no worries there.

Sorry im takin so long but have to explain the situation! Anyway this is what im leading up to! He says he doesnt want to commit to a relationship just yet, but when we're together its like we're going out. Hes got a job interview coming up which could mean he has to go away in winter or next summer, but i dont understand why he doesnt want a gf with the way that we are being with eachother all the time. I need a guys opinion on this! We've also talked to eachother about sex etc and I said that i dont want to be doing that unless i know hes with no one else. We've both said that we don't want to be being like that with anyone else so we've kinda had the 'exclusive' chat.

What the hell goes on in guys heads?! :eek2: We're together but were not and i basically just dont know why he doesnt want to commit just yet when we've said to eachother we're not going to go with anyone else!

Really sorry this is soooo long but Ive been racking my brains for too long trying to figure this one out on my own! :love: I really like this guy! :confused:

Comments

  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My guess is that he's scared.
    He's probably just affraid that if you get together as a proper couple that things will turn sour or one of you will fall in too deep.(in the same situation here..)
    From the stuff like complaining he didnt get a goodbye kiss signals to me like hes in quite deep as it is. Just gonna have to wing it and see how things turn out, either that or ask him out blatantly.
    Good luck!
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Thanx for your reply! Didnt think anyone would be bothered with it bein so long! When I first met up with him I think things were hard for him, he said he was finding it really difficult to come to terms with (his spliting up with ex who by the way has same name as me, dammit!!!)

    I think things are a lot better now as we are getting closer, but with you sayin it sounds like hes quite deep already, i dont know. Think he would want to be in a relationship if he was? :heart: I like him so much and so am just going with his pace really. Is frustrating for me tho! :confused:

    Did you say that you are in a similar situation now? Hows ur situation if u dont mind me askin?
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My situation at the moment is im just seeing someone, i've got a tendency to fall for people way too quick though so i try to keep some sort of distance. This might be what he'd doing now,he's probably still got what happend with his ex on his mind, could that be a reason he doesnt want to get too close? because he doesnt want to fall in love with you only for you break up with him?
    I know you'll probably say that you dont want to break up with him..but he doesnt know that for sure does he..

    Not so long ago i asked the girl im seeing if she thinks about me at all in the day n stuff and she said yes of course she did like it was something i shouldnt have even needed to ask..
    Sometimes you just need to fill in the blanks and reasure us of everything.

    Ok the situation isnt really that simlilar but hope this has given you some clue as to what could be going on in his head..
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah that helps a lot thank u! The thing is that lately Ive started getting strong feelings for him but am not guna say anythin. Think that would just ruin it! When i left work yday b4 him i left a little note on his windsreen saying that im glad hes back (he went away overnight to see his x gf that ez still friends with) and so sed glad hes back and hope to see him at the weekend x. He txt me sayin thanx and that it was a nice surprise. I like little things like that so hopefully he'll take a hinT!

    Id like to think that thats why he doesnt want to give a name to what we are incase he gets hurt again. I duno im just confused! So do u think that i should ask him sumthin to get an indication to how hes feelin? Wud like to ask if he ever thinks of me but dont wanna ask anythin too over-the-top incase hes like 'woah!'. Well thanx for your help. Needed to get a guys opinion! So im not bein messed around? I dont feel like i am but part of me thinks im just getting strung along cos he doesnt want commitment. But we've talked bout things adn he sed he'll always be honestwith me about everythin (referring to when he sees his x etc) so i know that he trusts and respects me. I really like him and dont know what to do! Sorry ill shut up now!
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Why not just ask him 'what are we, gf/bf, seeing each other etc..?' ask him if you're a proper couple, and if he just sort of trails off or says says you're just seeing each other then say that you think you should be a proper couple, then back it up with reasons why, for example, if anyone asks what you are to each other you'd be able to answer boyfriend/girlfriend instead of that awkward..er...we're just um...friends?

    Obviously i dont know the guy so i dont know how he'd react to you telling him how much you like him, but personally i love hearing people tell me they really like me. its great :D
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey angel, I think I can relate a lot to this guy's thinking on this matter. I just got out of a 2 1/2 yr relationship in Jan and since then have had this ongoing weirdness with this other guy. We're not dating but we're sortof together. I also know that I'm moving in a year.

    A couple things:
    1) He may be "over" his ex... but he might still be dealing with how to make his life separate from hers. 2 yrs is a long time and it makes your lives get completely wrapped up in each others. It takes a while to sort that out and I know that it's been taking me a while before I'm happy enough with how the situation is to bring someone else into my life.
    2) He may just not be ready to date again yet but that doesn't mean that he's not attracted to you. Chances are, you are who he would be dating if he was dating... but he may just need a break from it for a while. I wouldn't pressure him on it just yet, give it a while and see how the situation progresses. Does it really matter what y'all call it if you are only seeing each other anyways? It's basically dating, he's just not comfortable with the term yet.
    3) He may be waiting to hear back from the interview. If he has in the back of his mind that he may be moving, he probably is avoiding getting into a relationship. He's been recently hurt, and getting into something that may possibly end in a couple of months may not be worth the additional heartache for him.


    I would just stick with him... ask him what's going on and tell him what you want, but at the same time try not to pressure him into anything. Good luck hon!
Sign In or Register to comment.