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life is so hard, is it ment to be this hard?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
this is from my deviant art journal:
this week has been horrible, i've had GCSE exams, seen dead people on the road (a little girl got knock off the back of her mum's bike, who was pregnant, by a lorry, and i saw this about 3 mins after it had happened, and i was on the back of a bike too, it was horrible). again i did some thing very very stupid this weekend, so i'm not going out for a while now.
i was so angry and ok (as in not happy but not sad or depressed) at the same time last night. and i did some very stupid stuff, as always......
i'm in need of hugs as i am feeling very angry/upset/sorry for myself at the moment.......life seems to fuck me up lots.
i bumped into an old friend of mine on the train today, it was weird seeing her again, as i hang out with her ex boyfriends sister and stuff, so it was a little difficult, but she was actually really nice to me. at least someone is....
now this is not much but i'm finding life a constant stuggle to keep myself on top of my problems. seeing that girl really shocked me, she looked so peaceful yet there was so much blood coming from her head. i've been given some tablets for mood swings, and they have helped a little, but day to day life is so hard. i was doping my self up on painkillers to try and shut stuff out but it just made me worse. i did go a have sessions with a consilor, but i was only ment to have 6 sessions with her, so the have now ended. and i'm now stuck, stuck in a life where i'm finding that i cannot tell reality from virtual any more. i haven't been smoking much, ie 1 joint per 2 weeks. i know really i should go back to the doctor and get refered to a shrink, but as they will be spanish and they may not understand my backround, and my spanish isn't good enough to express what i'm going though, it's hard enough in english!
i'm sorry you people must be getting bored of these threads from me, i'm just looking for impartcial advice and suport, my friends are gong though quite a lot of stuff too, and i don't want to worry them. i'm seriously haveing to stop myself from self harming too, it's so damn hard, but so far i'm succeding.
Luby
this week has been horrible, i've had GCSE exams, seen dead people on the road (a little girl got knock off the back of her mum's bike, who was pregnant, by a lorry, and i saw this about 3 mins after it had happened, and i was on the back of a bike too, it was horrible). again i did some thing very very stupid this weekend, so i'm not going out for a while now.
i was so angry and ok (as in not happy but not sad or depressed) at the same time last night. and i did some very stupid stuff, as always......
i'm in need of hugs as i am feeling very angry/upset/sorry for myself at the moment.......life seems to fuck me up lots.
i bumped into an old friend of mine on the train today, it was weird seeing her again, as i hang out with her ex boyfriends sister and stuff, so it was a little difficult, but she was actually really nice to me. at least someone is....
now this is not much but i'm finding life a constant stuggle to keep myself on top of my problems. seeing that girl really shocked me, she looked so peaceful yet there was so much blood coming from her head. i've been given some tablets for mood swings, and they have helped a little, but day to day life is so hard. i was doping my self up on painkillers to try and shut stuff out but it just made me worse. i did go a have sessions with a consilor, but i was only ment to have 6 sessions with her, so the have now ended. and i'm now stuck, stuck in a life where i'm finding that i cannot tell reality from virtual any more. i haven't been smoking much, ie 1 joint per 2 weeks. i know really i should go back to the doctor and get refered to a shrink, but as they will be spanish and they may not understand my backround, and my spanish isn't good enough to express what i'm going though, it's hard enough in english!
i'm sorry you people must be getting bored of these threads from me, i'm just looking for impartcial advice and suport, my friends are gong though quite a lot of stuff too, and i don't want to worry them. i'm seriously haveing to stop myself from self harming too, it's so damn hard, but so far i'm succeding.
Luby
0
Comments
yes.
why do you think old people have grey hair and wrinkles?
Throw them away. Unless you have any physical pains to heal then they won't help. In actual fact I'm sure you'll know they'll do more harm than good because your body will become so used to them that when you do actual have a physical pain (ie headache) they won't work. It could actually be that the mere act of taking the pills is acting to block out your emotional pain - perhaps they're working on another level so that you swallow pills and believe your pain is less....?
With regards to life - yes it is hard from time to time and what you saw was terrible. I don't know anything at all about your personal life so I can't say whether or not you really do have it rough - but if you feel that you do then that is good enough reason for you to call for help. Perhaps you could start by thinking about that little girl you saw - imagine what she missed out on in life. You could miss out on the same things if you allow yourself to be drawn into a spiral or despair and depression. You have the chance to make sure you get everything you can out of life but you're not allowing yourself to. That little girl won't ever get the chance. It might sound corny but imagine you're living life for the both of you (I realise you didn't know her, but just bear with me...), imagine all of the things that you can do with yourself in the future and make the future start now.
I really think you should go back to the doctor and try and see a counsellor or psychiatrist again, If you have trouble with the language, im sure there will be one who can speak English somewhere.
I think it will get easier for you, Teenage years are VERY hard, no matter what anyone else says - I certainly wouldnt go back there for a million pounds.
I don't want this to sound patronising so I'm sorry if it does, but somebody once said to me that "we are never given more than we can handle".
Geddit?
I agree.
The Site Boards aren't always the answer.
Yeah, you do.
It feels like its hard to do it, but it isn't. Not really. You jsut need to see that.