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Feeling low
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Since my gran died I haven't really cried- like cried bucketloads. Ive just kinda welled up and stopped myself and at the funeral when I wanted to cry, I couldn't. I felt really bad because she was so close to me yet I didn't show the right amount of emotion. My friend told me that crying was only a physical emotion and that it didn't mean I wasn't hurting which cheered me up a bit. The thing is now that I feel kinda low and I'm scared it's going to go into a depression. I just feel really weird and the other first time I actually realised that my gran was dead. Like, I had sat with her until the undertaker lot came, went to the funeral and stuff but it was like I was watching from the sidelines. I'm just scared I slip into depression and was wondering what the symptoms would be. Sorry if this makes no sense.
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I held my Granny's hand when she died, and only then I just welled up a little bit, but inside I was bursting. Because I was the only one in the family she'd talk to before she died (her head wasn't right, she wasn't Granny really) it made it harder. I think I felt I needed to be strong for everybody else, because I honestly just wanted my Mam to be OK, and I suppose I was scared that she'd be worse if I was crying all over the place.
She died on the Saturday, and I didn't cry a single tear till her funeral, which was on the Wednesday.
Then straight after the funeral, I couldn't help it and just started crying. Don't be scared of that Jamie, you're still in mourning. I was your age when it happened to me, and it's hard. You'll find your own way of dealing with it, whatever that way might be.
I'm not an expert on depression, but my advice would be just to give it time, because your head is bound to be all over the place justnow.
Hang in there.
hey you, give yourself time, its not been long since your gran died, give it time. not everyone cries when someone dies but inside they still hurt like hell. my brother didnt cry when any of my grandparents went. sometimes in our subconcious we dont allow ourseleves to cry and its the bodies way of protecting itself. you might find that one day, anything and i mean anything might trigger it off.
i dont think you are depressed, your grieving. i felt like shit for ages after my grandpa died, was heartbroken and would go to school and try to be normal but he was on my mind all the time. at night i would go home and just cry and i think i listened to my cranberries cd for weeks on end(was a very depressng cd). you know what though you just have to tell yourself "this isnt how my gran would want things" and get yourself together even though its really hard. just give yourself time to grieve then try and get back to normal.
just a thought from mentioning me listening to depressing cds. sometimes listening to sad songs makes you cry if you really need to get it out. i used to cry and cry listening to that cranberries cd, i think i wanted to cry forever cos i was so heartbroken.
it will get better, at the time though you think it cant possibly, but it will. i miss all my grandparents but i still miss my grandpa in particular, terribly and he died 9 years ago and i still cry for him sometimes but i know he would be mad if he knew i wasnt living properly cos he wasnt there.
just take your time x
when my aunt died, i was there when she actually died, i was there all the way through the funeral and burial, and i was there when they went back to the house and sorted through her stuff. and i never cried, that whole time. i think my family thought i was a bit weird, cause they were all in shedloads of tears...
the first time i did cry was a while later, when my mum said something about ciocia (means 'aunt' in polish) and i said, automatically, 'which ciocia?' before realising, suddenly, that there was only one left. and then just kind of fell apart a bit.
but that's ok, you know. someone you love just died. you're allowed to fall apart a bit. if you can find someone to talk to who's not a member of your family, that helps (if you talk to your family, you tend to just set them off). in the meantime, if you're not eating or sleeping or you feel like doing something stupid, it's time to get some help. but it's ok to be sad. don't think that it's not.
Firstly sorry to hear of your loss and yes what you wrote makes sense.
What you describe is a very normal reaction to a death. Some people will cry loads all the time and stuff whereas some go into "business mode" and get the stuff that needs to be done sorted.
Feeling as if you were watching from the sidelines is also fairly common I think. I saw a friend have a fatal accident and for a long time it just felt like I'd been watching a film or something, it just didn't feel real. Even when I was giving my police statement and taken back to the accident seen to help the police investigators it didn't feel real and I didn't feel emotional or cry. It was all very as-a-matter-of-fact.
Eventually you will cry as you come to terms with the death and the loss. It might be at a very random moment or when you are doing something you used to do but will now have to do a bit differently, like putting fewer plates out for Sunday lunch or whatever.
Not sure what else I can say. But good luck with it all
Just to echo what everyone else has wisely said, really. First of all, I'm really sorry to hear about your loss. Secondly, you are experiencing the grieving process. There are no rights or wrongs - everyone deals with loss differently, and if this is the first time that someone close to you has died it isn't at all unusual to be confused and worried about your emotions. After all, you've probably never experienced emotions like this before. Take a read of our feature on dealing with death.
If you want to talk to someone in confidence about how you are felling, Cruse are an excellent organisation that offer support over the telephone: 0870 167 1677
Their website is: http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk
Take care of yourself
Hannah Spannerxx