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Talking about illness with friends
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
Hi everyone, just wanting a bit of advice. I have rheumatoid arthritis, and am in my first year of uni. The arthritis isn't incredibly severe, but it makes it painful to walk to uni sometimes, and I can't make notes in lectures (so I have note takers). It also makes me REALLY tired, but I can't really sleep at the moment (hence the message at 3.30am!). So it just generally messes me around a bit.
The thing I'm finding difficult at the moment is how to talk about this with my friends. They all know that I have arthritis, and have a very vague understanding of it (although one of my friends was quite shocked the other day when I said I was in pain every day, so obviously haven't made myself clear!). If I felt it wasn't important then I'd just keep it to myself, but it gets me quite down, and I could really do with talking about it, but it's just so hard. I don't know how to bring it up without sounding like I'm delivering a lecture! And I know there are all these leaflets that say 'show these to your friends', but I just feel that would be a bit patronizing! But I know I need to do something, cos it's started to upset me how little people understand. Like the other week, I ended up in tears cos I was just so tired, and everyone was just laughing at how they think I'm lazy. And no one really understands if I say I can't walk somewhere, they'll just say 'well wear flat shoes then', but to be honest that doesn't always help.
I've also had a lot of difficulty with the whole no drinking thing (I can't drink alcohol cos of the medication I'm on). I drink once in a while, but then everyone starts to pressurise me to drink more often. Not in a bad way, but just saying 'come on, just have one, it can't be that dangerous', and I just don't need the pressure! I'm finding it hard enough anyway! Uni life isn't really the same without drink, as pathetic as that sounds!
Sorry, don't know if that has made any sense at all, but any advice would be much appreciated, from anyone who's been in a similar situation, or anyone who's had friends in the same situation etc. Thanks, Tates x
The thing I'm finding difficult at the moment is how to talk about this with my friends. They all know that I have arthritis, and have a very vague understanding of it (although one of my friends was quite shocked the other day when I said I was in pain every day, so obviously haven't made myself clear!). If I felt it wasn't important then I'd just keep it to myself, but it gets me quite down, and I could really do with talking about it, but it's just so hard. I don't know how to bring it up without sounding like I'm delivering a lecture! And I know there are all these leaflets that say 'show these to your friends', but I just feel that would be a bit patronizing! But I know I need to do something, cos it's started to upset me how little people understand. Like the other week, I ended up in tears cos I was just so tired, and everyone was just laughing at how they think I'm lazy. And no one really understands if I say I can't walk somewhere, they'll just say 'well wear flat shoes then', but to be honest that doesn't always help.
I've also had a lot of difficulty with the whole no drinking thing (I can't drink alcohol cos of the medication I'm on). I drink once in a while, but then everyone starts to pressurise me to drink more often. Not in a bad way, but just saying 'come on, just have one, it can't be that dangerous', and I just don't need the pressure! I'm finding it hard enough anyway! Uni life isn't really the same without drink, as pathetic as that sounds!
Sorry, don't know if that has made any sense at all, but any advice would be much appreciated, from anyone who's been in a similar situation, or anyone who's had friends in the same situation etc. Thanks, Tates x
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Comments
I think you just need to be honest, especially with flatmates/ close friends. They won't realise how serious it is or how much they are upsetting you unless you explain. Just sit down with them, either in a group or one by one and tell them about it. Yeah it may be awkward at first but once they know there will hopefully be less of those difficult situations for you to deal with.
If you aren't supposed to drink with your medication then don't cave in, there are reasons for this... you could find out if there is any other medication that you can drink with from your GP.
Take care of you
Susie
But, it does sound like youre pretty on top of it so in reference to what you wrote about specifically, susie is right, you really need to talk to them if you feel uneasy doing it formally just drop it in the conversation, say you need their support explain it and get it off your chest. They will support you, they just dont understand yet, but they will, just talk to them.