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pushing my luck?
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'll fill you all in-
I'm in this kind-of relationship (you may have read posts about my boyf, and it all sounds normal, well- I wish.) Stew and I went out for over 10months until last September, we broke up, and then decided we both wanted back in, but his f*ck*ng stepdad has this thing about never trying again if a relationship failed once.
"So what?" you may ask, well it turns out this said Stepdad is a bit of a controlling b*st*rd, and runs Stew's life.
So we tried going out secretly, we had to keep it secret in college too, in case things got back to the SD somehow.
That didn't work, cos you know all the little problems that really don't matter? well, if you cant talk and deal with them, they become big problems, so we decided to give it a rest until he was free of his SD. I decided I've gotta try and lead something like a normal life, even though I was completely screwed up over having lost him AGAIN. I went out with a lovely guy I met through friends, I really did like him and it was a case of bad timing, cos we got on really well and if I hadn't been crazy about Stew, sparks could have flown.
Now it just so happens that the same day I got together with this other guy, Stew was ill, and it turns out he'd been planning to come in and tell me he didn't care what his SD thought, he cares about me too much to lose me again (so so so gorgeous!), when I told him about this new relationship, he was really screwed up- crying all night, and for hours in front of me, while telling me what he'd wanted to say the previous day.
Since I'm mad about him, I knew what I was going to do, I felt awful, but it was a case of who I cared more deeply about, so I ended the very very short relationship, in favour of going out again with Stew- properly this time.
Anyway, that was nearly three weeks ago now, and we still havn't 'gone public' as a couple, we were going to leave it a week, for proprietry's sake, but thing keep getting in the way- he's really stressed about coursework, and he's worried his friends'll take the p*ss cos he's been pretending he doesn't like me for months now. And he's gonna have to face his family about it.
This week we've just been stuck in the computer room working, so there's not been the opportunity, and next week I' barely going to be in college- I've got doctors appointments and a driving test and field trips galore, then its the holidays, and I really want to be a proper couple before then.
Would I really be pushing my luck to put some pressure on him?
It's hardly fair on him, if he can't cope with it, but I'm worried that we'll be finishing before we begin if I let it go on and on- I'm getting really frustrated.
Last wednesday I got pretty upset about him putting it off, and he said we'd tell people on thursday, but later I text him and said if he needs to wait, we can leave it until the monday just gone, he said that'd be great.
Come Monday i was feeling so happy and loved up that I said knowing he loved me was enough, and I could wait as long as he needed to. Now I'm regreting it, cos I think he's taking it seriously. I dont know.
So, should I try to get him to bite the bullet?
Sorry this has been so long!
Freyja
I'm in this kind-of relationship (you may have read posts about my boyf, and it all sounds normal, well- I wish.) Stew and I went out for over 10months until last September, we broke up, and then decided we both wanted back in, but his f*ck*ng stepdad has this thing about never trying again if a relationship failed once.
"So what?" you may ask, well it turns out this said Stepdad is a bit of a controlling b*st*rd, and runs Stew's life.
So we tried going out secretly, we had to keep it secret in college too, in case things got back to the SD somehow.
That didn't work, cos you know all the little problems that really don't matter? well, if you cant talk and deal with them, they become big problems, so we decided to give it a rest until he was free of his SD. I decided I've gotta try and lead something like a normal life, even though I was completely screwed up over having lost him AGAIN. I went out with a lovely guy I met through friends, I really did like him and it was a case of bad timing, cos we got on really well and if I hadn't been crazy about Stew, sparks could have flown.
Now it just so happens that the same day I got together with this other guy, Stew was ill, and it turns out he'd been planning to come in and tell me he didn't care what his SD thought, he cares about me too much to lose me again (so so so gorgeous!), when I told him about this new relationship, he was really screwed up- crying all night, and for hours in front of me, while telling me what he'd wanted to say the previous day.
Since I'm mad about him, I knew what I was going to do, I felt awful, but it was a case of who I cared more deeply about, so I ended the very very short relationship, in favour of going out again with Stew- properly this time.
Anyway, that was nearly three weeks ago now, and we still havn't 'gone public' as a couple, we were going to leave it a week, for proprietry's sake, but thing keep getting in the way- he's really stressed about coursework, and he's worried his friends'll take the p*ss cos he's been pretending he doesn't like me for months now. And he's gonna have to face his family about it.
This week we've just been stuck in the computer room working, so there's not been the opportunity, and next week I' barely going to be in college- I've got doctors appointments and a driving test and field trips galore, then its the holidays, and I really want to be a proper couple before then.
Would I really be pushing my luck to put some pressure on him?
It's hardly fair on him, if he can't cope with it, but I'm worried that we'll be finishing before we begin if I let it go on and on- I'm getting really frustrated.
Last wednesday I got pretty upset about him putting it off, and he said we'd tell people on thursday, but later I text him and said if he needs to wait, we can leave it until the monday just gone, he said that'd be great.
Come Monday i was feeling so happy and loved up that I said knowing he loved me was enough, and I could wait as long as he needed to. Now I'm regreting it, cos I think he's taking it seriously. I dont know.
So, should I try to get him to bite the bullet?
Sorry this has been so long!
Freyja
0
Comments
I think perhaps you should wait a while, for his sake. It's going to be hard enough for him to deal with his stepdad so I think you should listen to what he wants at the moment (the boyfriend).
when the time is right it'll make it easier.
Just give him the time he needs. You know your a couple, he knows your a couple. Thats all that really matters.
I really want to be able to hold his hand in public- you know- the little things, like goodbye kisses, and my friends are saying he's treating me like a doormat, but I love him, and I don't think I'm throwing the word around when I say that, it should be enough for me (as long as he doesn't get moody with his men's PMT, I cant stand it when he ignores me!)
Thanks- I just needed some support, cos all my mates think I should make him prove that he feels as strongly for me as he says he does. But I trust him.
I could have persuaded myself really!
Thanks again,
Freyja
mens PMT? :eek2:
The horrible bit is I'm barely gonna see him this week, so there just isn't the opportunity. I've told him I'd like to be a public couple on Friday, or if not, then by the first day back after the Easter holidays.
Aaaargh, I've got people telling me to do all different things, and different bits of my brain are fighting!