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Headblagged about my sexuality
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
So here's the deal, I'm a 20 year old virgin and haven't had much to do with relationships because I've never 100% connected with my partners, or found it hard to be aroused by men and only one guy has really remotely got me excited. Obviously I didn't go all the way but I have this other problem that sometimes gets to me so much I want to cry.
I'm attracted to women, like when a female friend comes to me for a cuddle I feel more right with it. And if I see a pretty female I blush, sometimes I think I might like to go out with girls but then I turn around and feel ashamed of what I'm thinking, especially because my brother is gay.
But I do feel dirty and ashamed of myself for feeling like that because I know I shouldn't. I have a lot of gay/lesbian friends and I feel it ok for them, but not me...
I'm attracted to women, like when a female friend comes to me for a cuddle I feel more right with it. And if I see a pretty female I blush, sometimes I think I might like to go out with girls but then I turn around and feel ashamed of what I'm thinking, especially because my brother is gay.
But I do feel dirty and ashamed of myself for feeling like that because I know I shouldn't. I have a lot of gay/lesbian friends and I feel it ok for them, but not me...
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Comments
why do you feel it isnt ok for you? do you know why? theres nothing to be ashamed of if you are bi/straight/gay/lesbian. its your choice and if you feel that way you shouldn't be ashamed.
There no reason to feel like it isnt ok for you to be [insert sexuality here] you should be proud. yeah you may be confuced atm about what you are and thats understandable i know alot of people who are but with time it does get clearer.
sorry i could'nt be much help, good luck
g:)
You might want to try talking to these people:
London Lesbian and Gay Switchboard
Helpline for lesbians and gay men, offering support and information.
Helpline: 020 7837 7324
Careline
Telephone counselling service for children, young people and adults on any issue, including relationships, depression, mental health, child abuse, bullying, rape and sexual assault, domestic violence, addictions, stress etc.
Telephone: 020 8875 0500
It can take time to accept who you are and what you like ... and perhaps to allow yourself to be 'happy'...?
Talk how you are feeling through with one of the above ... or your consellor if you still see them.
Take care of you
Susie xxx
People in work are homophobic as are my old friends.
and the old line: if they are your real friends they will support you, stands well here.
Why should you not be happy ? if its ok for them then surely it must be ok for you ?
I think you probably are not 100% of what you want, you feel comfortable with females but is that because you have not met the right man ?
I think Id go with visiting gay places and see how you fit in. You say experiment at uni , im not sure that is a good thing to be honest. Maybe others could say how they feel, but I think id seperate the two until you actually are a bit more sure of your feelings.
I think just give it time and if you meet a girl then see how it goes, try experimenting and dont put yourself down, you cant help having feelings for another girl, your not abnormal and you shouldnt feel dirty and ashamed.
Why do you feel dirty or ashamed about it? Is it because of what others may think of you, or does it not fit into what you think your life plan should be? Experiment if it is what you want to do, and university is a good place to try, with the LGBTA at every university providing a good social setting to try new things.
Once you've experimented it might be perfect, or you might realise you prefer men- but either way, it shouldn't matter to anyone whose opinions are worth caring about. I know people who have been very unhappy, but when they found out that they preferred women they became happy- being a lesbian wouldn;t stop you having a good life, it may even encourage it.
I think it is partly because of what people think that I feel dirty and I'm even more scared that I'll like it. Because people take a homophobic attitude in work too, it wouldn't go down well. Also, a gay guy I know takes the piss like... all the time. But he's eased off a lot now.
Am considering visiting my local gay and bisexual group in college.
That's what I mean- don't pigeonhole, just have fun:)
I think that's slightly more the issue, if I'm going to be quite honest. What is it that scares you about it, what is it that makes you so scared to be a lesbian or bisexual? Is it that you've always been taught that "dykes are dirty", does it not fit in with your rosy (as in ideal-world) idea of what you want your life to be, finding out what it is (and I don't just mean a couple of bigoted arseholes in work or college) will go a long way to sorting it all out in your head.
Even if you're not lesbian or bi, talking to the LGS on the telephone would be a very good start.
Edited because I phrased something very badly:)
See why I thought that could be a bad idea is because she doesnt sound sure 100% of her sexuality so then mixing with friends from uni may not help her. I dunno, its like she said she feels dirty and ashamed so if she was experimenting would it not be better with people she probs wouldnt see again ?
I dunno, you young uns know more about this than me
There's nothing wrong with being who you are - whoever that may be! - and your sexuality doesn't determine that. Don't pigeon-hole yourself, as Kermit said. It is widely accepted that human sexuality is fluid so just because you've been attracted to guys in the past that doesn't mean that you have to like them now, and nor does the fact that you don't mean that you never will again. Make sense?
Anyway, try to relax and go with the flow. I know it's easier said than done, believe me, and I know I would have thumped me for saying it 18 months ago, but it's really the best thing you can do! I can't tell you when this will settle down, only time will tell. But at the end of the day, you're attracted to the person, not the gender.
Sorry about the cheese-fest, but that's all folks.
Picc
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