Home› Sex & Relationships
If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Options

Moving in on your best mate's ex

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in Sex & Relationships
How long you would leave it before making a move on your best mate's ex?

As you might know (see "Is this just shyness?" thread) I was kinda seeing a guy a few weeks ago but it seems to have faded away to nothing now - not sure why, but anyway..

Last weekend, his best mate started txting me. At first I thought it might be "on behalf of his mate" to find out how I felt and whatever. But it turned into him asking me out.. :eek2: I basically (in a nice way, I think) told him it was his mate I liked but he didn't seem to have a problem with that!

Then I didn't hear from him for a week.. until last night, when he asked me out again, and seems completely serious (first time round, I thought it was probably the two of them in the pub, taking the piss). I've told him (again!) that it didn't seem/feel right to go out with the best mate of the guy I was seeing a few weeks ago (and would still like to get with again) and I think he's finally got the message...

But, seriously, would you make a move on your best mate's ex, and how long would you leave it after they split up before saying something? Just all seems a bit soon to me! I wouldn't dream of doing something like that to my best mate!

(Apparently the guy I was seeing knows all about his mate txting me, but I'm not quite sure I believe that, somehow!)

Comments

  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    It depends on how serious the relationship was. You say that you were just 'seeing' this guy, which implies that you weren't particularly serious about each other. So that makes it more acceptable. Also, if his friend really doesn't mind then that's another factor. But it's hard to tell because he could just be saying he doesn't mind when really he does. Personally if I were in his shoes, ie wanting to date an ex of a friend, then I would wait until I was totally sure she didn't mind and preferably until she'd found someone new herself. I'd also make sure I really wanted to go for the guy otherwise it'd just be a lot of fuss for nothing particularly special.

    Friends' exes are best avoided unless you really think it's worth going for. And sometimes it is - you can't always help who you fall for.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Originally posted by lisa simpson's saxophone
    Friends' exes are best avoided unless you really think it's worth going for. And sometimes it is - you can't always help who you fall for.

    its true, i would leave it a while then ask your friends permission before you move in, better to say something. they mightnt mind there leftovers.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i guess it depends on who you think would last longer in the long run, the relationship or your best mate. Personally i wouldn't do it because i love my best friend too much but up to you
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    oh hang on, it's your ex's best mate....
    ohh...
    in that case.... go for it :D
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i'd agree that it is too soon, but you cannot help who you fall for or when.

    unfortunately when that sorta situation happend to me, i fell for him and then was duped so it really wasnt worth hurtin ma mate...luckily me and ma mate r cool and much stronger thru this.

    however i think most men are more acceptin of their mates goin after their exes, i dont kno seems they're less emotional than us women?
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    If one of my best friends, or any of my friends at all, moved in on my 'newest' ex boyfriend, who I only just broke up from, then I'd be devastated and never speak to her again. But if they moved in on any other ex of mine then I wouldn't mind at all - in fact I'd be happy for them. I think it gets to a point where you really don't mind who your ex gets with, but that could take years to happen.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Well, both of them are playing games with me now!

    The ex got back in touch last night but I haven't heard anything from him all today.. and his mate txt me this morning, saying he wasn't going to give up that easily! *sigh*

    I know for sure that I would start seeing the ex again without a shadow of a doubt, and would never get with his mate in the first place (even if I'd never met the first guy!) anyway - and his mate knows this... he just doesn't seem to want to accept it.
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    confused.

    is it your best mate's ex... or your ex's best mate??
  • Options
    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    My ex's best mate... "ex" meaning "guy I was seeing briefly" not some long term relationship or anything...
Sign In or Register to comment.