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Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
i had it all worked out a minute ago but now its gone.
this properly wont make much sense but hey.
all i day i sit here on this computer staring into a screen from the minute i get up to the minute i go to bed day dreaming about things that will never happen ever. why? because i have no girlfriend, no job, no friends, no nothing. to top it off im not even that good looking, im over weight, unfit, im lazy, i have spots and im going bald at an early age and im probably going to end up in some shit flat on some shit estate full of yobs, drunks and drug addicts. ok, well do something about you say... i would but im lazy and i have not a clue how to motivate my self. im a complete selfish, inconsiderate arse hole. i got in a mood about nothing a little while ago and riped up the clothes i got for christmas.. why? your guess is as good as mine. it almost like i want my mum to see what ive done and see how hurt she is so i can feel the pain and guilt. i even hit her in the face once... i know im scum. ive seen a councilor and ive talked to them till the cows come and and it done nothing whats so ever. i cant even go down the road without thinking something bad is gonna happen to me and i always assume the worse in what ever i do.
im at a loose end. not even sure why it wrote this really.
this properly wont make much sense but hey.
all i day i sit here on this computer staring into a screen from the minute i get up to the minute i go to bed day dreaming about things that will never happen ever. why? because i have no girlfriend, no job, no friends, no nothing. to top it off im not even that good looking, im over weight, unfit, im lazy, i have spots and im going bald at an early age and im probably going to end up in some shit flat on some shit estate full of yobs, drunks and drug addicts. ok, well do something about you say... i would but im lazy and i have not a clue how to motivate my self. im a complete selfish, inconsiderate arse hole. i got in a mood about nothing a little while ago and riped up the clothes i got for christmas.. why? your guess is as good as mine. it almost like i want my mum to see what ive done and see how hurt she is so i can feel the pain and guilt. i even hit her in the face once... i know im scum. ive seen a councilor and ive talked to them till the cows come and and it done nothing whats so ever. i cant even go down the road without thinking something bad is gonna happen to me and i always assume the worse in what ever i do.
im at a loose end. not even sure why it wrote this really.
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Comments
It seems to me as though you have a lot of anger there somewhere. Like when you said about your Mum wanting her to see the hurt and pain you have.
What kind of life have you had ? has it been pretty hard and your Father where does he fit into all this ?
You could be suffering from depression, that can make us feel really down, lazy and lethargic. We can start to put ourselves down just like you are now.
I dont think your scum i just think you have a lot of issues which your probably just building up inside and not talking about them makes it much worse.
You say you seen a counsellor has it been the same one ? I know some people try a few before they find a one they can really connect with. You aint gonna talk and stuff with someone you feel nothing towards, maybe you nee to speak to another one and keep looking for a one until you find a counsellor you can connect with.
You know you have a problem and I think by the sounds of it you want to change. Well you can make it change firstly by going to see your doc and maybe he can refer you to someone else. You may need anti depressants I honestly dont know, but i really think you have signs of depression.
keep talking here, maybe someone can offer you some advice or let you know what they have been through cos beleive me there will be someone somewhere who knows exactly how your feeling.
I know what youll say about the therapy idea before you say it, but its nothing like counselling. For instance the therapist isnt a fucking moron:)
yes you could be right but im not sure why. it maybe because i was bullied from primary school up untill i left high school... i have forgotten about that and i dont feel bitter about what happened.. it never has bothered me. ive not had a bad up bringing, infact it was pretty good and ive always had the support off my family in what ever ive done which is more than what some so i guess i should be greatfull. my dad has always helped me out wether its to do with money or other things and the same goes for my mother.
i did have depression for about a year or two and altough i did get over it on mine own it always has been there a tiny little bit. as for anti-depressents, i would never take them. i know it would help me but they dont sovle the problem they only hide it. i know someone who has been on those drugs for 5 years and his still no better.
ive been with three and one was for about 3 or 4 months which she was very nice and i got along with her very well but i really cannot afford them every week. i did have a free one on the nhs a while back but that was only 6 weeks this time it was a guy and i didnt feel as conftable with him as i did the lady... but i did open up more to the guy. if i wanted to get back on there i would have to go on a 5 month waiting list. in any case, i dont want to feel as thought i need to depend on the counsellor to help me sort out my problems... i want to do it my self. ive been pushed and shoved in the right direction so many times but ive never been able to stick with it.
i thought they were more or less the same. lol.
thanks for the reply. sorry if it dont make much sence, its late and im tired.
Another thing you may want to think about is speaking to a pshyciatric nurse. I was referred to a nurse and I suppose she acted like a counsellor, she was really good and it helped having someone to talk to. I seen her once a week for quite a long time till I didnt need to see her again. Now initially when the doctor told me about seeing the nurse i was thinking *shit* he thinks ive gone cuckoo, but she really was more of a friend and probably without me realising it she got things out of my system and helped me in a big way. If you see one of these nurses it wont cost you because they are on the N.H.S.
God no, a psychotherapist is trained in what he or she does, and the training is very specific to the field in which they specialise, whereas counsellors are pretty much the handymen of mental illness. Ive seen counsellors and they were rubbish, they didnt understand what the hell I was on about, but Im on a course of psychotherapy now and its a lot different.
As I said, therapists know what theyre talking about lol
The others have already offered some sound advice, and indeed, seeking help from a counsellor can be a very personal thing and finding someone you are comfortable with - and confident that they can help you - is pretty difficult. With this in mind, I thought I'd give you a few contacts for orgaanisations who may be able to help you:
British Association for Counselling
Produces a directory of counselling resources throughout the UK.
Telephone: 0870 4435252
www.bac.co.uk
Careline
Telephone counselling service for children, young people and adults on any issue, including relationships, depression, mental health, child abuse, bullying, rape and sexual assault, domestic violence, addictions, stress etc.
Telephone: 020 8875 0500
www.careline.org.uk
Depression Alliance
Charity offering information and self-help groups.
Telephone: 020 7633 0557; www.depall.org
This last one may be particularly helpful - some people find joining a group more helpful than one-on-one counselling sessions as the attention isn't all you and you can help others as well as yourself.
On a more general note,there are lots of steps you can be making on your own to help yourself. From your post it does sound as if you have given up before you've even started, which is a dangerous place to put yourself. You have to force yorself to start being more positive. Really simple things like regular exercise can make a huge difference to your self esteem and body image - and you could consider joining a group sport or a team/club to enhance your social life too.
Have a browse around the features on TheSite - here are a few to get you started and thinking about how you can make positive changes on a day-to-day basis:
Boost mental health
Understanding depression
New season new start
Social fitness
Good luck, and keep using these boards and PM-ing people - they can help a lot!