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Speaking ill of the dead
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
in General Chat
Why do we dare not do it? Fair enough if they were genuinely a good person, but maybe there was a person who you hated at school, and you didn't get on, and you often ended up in fights/were bitching about each other. If they die, why go to theirr funeral and say how great they were. They weren't. You hated each other. I doubt that person would even want you there.
Take Bob Monkhouse dying. None of his friends and family come on here, but when Jamie said he wasn't funny, someone said he shouldn't have done, and that it was disrespectful, but it isn't. Why shouldn't we say things like that?
A common funeral speech goes something like " John was a wonderful man. It was a privelage to be his third cousin, and to work with him. He was always there to help, and I always felt like I had a friend there when he was around". But John could have beaten up his wife, been rude to people or been a really bad manager above his cousin or something, but no one ever mentiones these things.
Take Bob Monkhouse dying. None of his friends and family come on here, but when Jamie said he wasn't funny, someone said he shouldn't have done, and that it was disrespectful, but it isn't. Why shouldn't we say things like that?
A common funeral speech goes something like " John was a wonderful man. It was a privelage to be his third cousin, and to work with him. He was always there to help, and I always felt like I had a friend there when he was around". But John could have beaten up his wife, been rude to people or been a really bad manager above his cousin or something, but no one ever mentiones these things.
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I don't know what James said about Bob Monkhouse but I think its pretty standard for jokes about dead celebrities to be flung about straight after they die, so long as noone goes straight up to the family and starts mouthing off.
People often have hidden parts of their character that the vicar or whoever is leading the funeral just doesn't know about...but I am always highly suspicious when people paint the just departed as a saint.
My friends dad died this year and she still maintains he was a saintly guy even though he stood back and wathched her Mother beat the shit out of her as a child!! Go figure.
And what would she say if you reminded her of this fact?
I'm not going to - I understand what she's going through.
I just think that its natural for people to be glowing about the dead...for a while anyway, but once time has passed then things are more in perspective.
I think stuff like that happens at a funeral because people don't want to offend others or because they just want to remember the good times. Or maybe their afraid of the repercussions of their actions? It's not right as honesty is nearly always the best policy but who knows....
Though me and mum freely curse dad sometimes for some of the silly things he did that still affect us now...and for the fact that he refused to decorate the house and silly things like that.
I think the main reasons that its disrespectful to speak ill of the dead, goes back to many many years ago when they were afraid the dead person would rise from the grave and do terrible things to them.
he said it was no great loss and yes it was disrespectful, the guy wasnt even cold in his grave. it might be no great loss to him but to someone else it is so i think comments like that should be withheld, especially on the day he died!
Sheesh Lyns, I said I'm sorry. I still am.
Take Diana for instance. I thought she was an air-headed slapper when she was alive, yet I was villified for saying it after she died. Ive always thought more highly of dog shit than I did of her, and I said that when she was alive, so anyone who takes offence can swivel.
Though I wouldnt have said that to William three days after her death, because theres speaking ill of the dead and theres being disrespectful to those who were close to the deceased person. Being nasty about the deceased person to his or her best mate is disrespectful, being nasty about the deceased person in a public forum, or to people who didnt know the dead person is fine.
i was only clarifying what you said and it was the no great loss comment that was disrespectful not the i didnt find him funny remark. it doesnt matter who said it i find no need for comments like that. end of
Diddums.
Did you know the guy or something? If not, shut up.
dont be so rude and patronising.
no i didnt no the guy personally but that doesnt mean that i cant find comments made about him disrespectful. just cos you dont agree with me it doesnt give you the right to tell me to shut up. should we all agree with you?
:rolleyes:
good god, there's no need for such hostility, she was only expressing her point of view. if she feels that way, then fine. i don't see the need for you to be so patronising and tell her to "shut up"! bloody hell.
:yes: at least once their buried the chances that they'll just outta the coffin and kill you for saying something horrible about them are slim
i would say the same things about a dead person as i would when they were alive. i would just be more careful about who i say them to, lest i offend anyone.
dying doesn't make you devoid of faults. it just makes you devoid of life.
Exactly!
When we visit my dads house, we go to his grave sometimes and try to clear the weeds but my sister and I have certainly spoken our mind about him whilst doing so, stuff like 'Jesus, remember when he was such a twat about so and so'...However, we do also remember him for the good things he did!
Mind you - if someone said something totally untrue about him I'd defend him in the same way that if someone said something that was true (Good or bad) I would accept it.
Yeah, never wish ill health on people, then again, I dunno if I'd see the point in talking bad about morgue meat. I don't bitch about people anyway.
Im only being as patronising as you m'dear:)
No, but it equally doesnt give you the right to start abusing other people for making the comment. Just because someone is dead doesnt mean that they have some divine right to be respected, if someone doesnt care that hes dead why does it concern you?
You mean like how you didnt start haranguing Jazza Bing you mean?
Depends if you want to be correct or not.
Look Kermit. Lets drop it. In hindsight I was being disrespectful. Don't argue with Lyns (wee wuman) Lets forget about it, it is after all New Years Eve.
i wasnt patronising anyone!
i didnt abuse anyone! if i find it disrespectful then why does it concern you?
wasnt "haranguaing Jazza all i said was there was no need for the comment he made!
ok typical know it all ...... sorry thinks he knows it all.