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( cw: sexual assault ) realised i've technically been sa'd
eden87
Posts: 5 Confirmed not a robot
i opened up to my therapist about past sexual abuse yesterday, including a lot of sexual harassment and possible grooming, and i'm really struggling to come to terms with the fact that i've also technically been assaulted. it happened when i was 10 i think, and i was hanging out with two of my friends on the street outside one of their houses, then suddenly one of them tried to put her mouth on my breast. i don't have a great memory especially since it was 11 years ago now, so i can't remember if she did successfully touch me there or not nor what led up to it, i just know that she tried to. there was another time when i was 10 and at a different friend's sleepover and her little brother slapped my butt, and i was scared to go to sleep that night because i thought he might sneak into the room and do something to me, but thankfully he didn't.
i feel ridiculous for feeling as bad as i do about remembering these things and keep doubting if they even count as sa, because they didn't involve penetration or touching between the legs, even though i know that if literally anyone else said they experienced these things i would agree that it definitely was sa. i'm also just struggling to really process that this happened to me, it's all i can think about right now. it is at least helping me realise why i'm so afraid of consensual intimacy now.
Comments
i’m so sry you’ve had to go through such a difficult experience. we are here for you at the mix. i was wondering depending on your age if you’re comfortable talking to a support line maybe abt what’s happened to you? if you’re 16+ ( i think it is ) you can reach out to a support line called ‘rape crisis’ they’re for ppl who have been sexually assaulted. raped. child sexual abuse. sexual harassment . and any other kind of sexual abuse etc. i have reached out to then before and they’re helpful depending you get. just fyi they won’t share what you told them unless you’re at risk of harm etc but they won’t share anything you say unless they think you or someone else is at risk etc.
if you’re under 19 years old i would maybe reach out to childline bc they can help talk through this with you. or maybe reaching out to kooth depending on your area.
you matter so much and i’m rly sry that you’ve had to go through something so tough but im so pleased you’ve reached out here bc you matter so much <3.