OCD thought

user123

I am really struggling with a thought I have. This has been going on since February and I’ve been half living ever since and not enjoying life, just completely paralysed with this thought and worry. It’s taking over my life and I don’t know what to do anymore.

The thought is that my sister found out recently that my boyfriend kissed a girl while me and him were just talking at the start but not together yet and not official or anything. We’ve been together for 7 months now and are really happy together. He’s committed to me now and he’s the most amazing boyfriend ever and I love him so much.

I’m crippled with worry that my sister doesn’t approve of him anymore. She said to me at the time she thought nothing bad of what happened. But then I found out she said to my mum she doesn’t like it. My mum has made her talk to me multiple times to reassure me and nothing has worked. She now says she doesn’t care about the situation and I definitely can’t bring it up again as everyone is worn out.

I want to let go of this worry and be happy with my boyfriend and get back to life again but what if things have permanently changed forever? What if she does have a different opinion of him now? How do I live with this uncertainty?

Did my boyfriend do anything wrong? My sister has been cheated on before and has serious trust issues and said that is what has clouded her judgement but I still believe she has a problem with him now.

She’s spoken with him since on multiple occasions so that is some evidence everything is okay.

I just really need help. I have exams in less than 2 weeks as well and I can’t go on with this any longer

Sian321

@user123 , how are you doing this morning? Thank you so much for making this post and for opening up as you have. From what you have shared, it sounds like you're going through an extreamly hard time right now with this intrusive thought and worry about your sister, and we're here to explore this with you without judgement. You're doing so well to talk about this.

I’m crippled with worry that my sister doesn’t approve of him anymore. She said to me at the time she thought nothing bad of what happened. But then I found out she said to my mum she doesn’t like it. My mum has made her talk to me multiple times to reassure me and nothing has worked. She now says she doesn’t care about the situation and I definitely can’t bring it up again as everyone is worn out.

I hear you, and I hear just how hard it feels to be reassured in this situation because it seems like the worry about your sister not approving of your boyfriend keeps eating away at you. May I ask, what would it mean to you if your sister does not approve of him? What part of that would feel the most upsetting?

I noticed in your title of the thread you've mentioned OCD, and I wondered if you'd feel comfortable sharing some more about this? When we're coping with OCD it can sometimes feel extreamly hard to live with uncertainity or doubt, even when we have recieved reassurance already. I really hear just how all-consuming this worry has been for you, and you mentioned at the end of your post that you can't go on with this any longer. May I ask what you mean by this?

I will share below some further resources which may feel helpful. Have you ever recieved any support around OCD or intrusive thoughts / worries in the past?

OCD UK is a national charity run by and for people with OCD. They provide advice, information and support services for those affected by OCD. They have a range of support groups and forums where you can engage and connect with others who are affected by OCD. They have a support and advice line where you can talk to a volunteer Monday-Friday 9:30am-3:30pm on 03332 127 890 or you can email them via a form on their website at https://www.ocduk.org/ To become a member of the organisation there is a small fee and you have to be over the age of 16. If you are under 16, you will need the permission of a guardian. However, there is a range of support and information that you can access on their website for free.

OCD Action is a national charity run by individuals with lived experience of OCD, offering help, information and support for people with OCD. They also have advocacy resources and a range of other information and factsheets on their website detailing some other ways that you can get support. You can call their helpline on 0845 390 6232, open from 9:30am - 8pm, Monday to Friday. You can also email them at support@ocdaction.org.uk Their website is http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/

https://www.rethink.org/news-and-stories/blogs/2022/06/relationship-ocd-constant-chronic-obsession-and-doubt/

DARE Panic and Anxiety Relief is an app designed for people coping with worry, anxiety, intrusive thoughts, insomnia, or panic attacks - helping you to regain confidence and live life at its fullest. While certain parts of the app require payment to be unlocked, there are hundreds of free features and the app itself is free to download. Some of the apps' free features include a bank of "SOS" step-by-step audioguides to help you calm down during a panic attack and to manage your intrusive thoughts, based on the evidence-based DARE technique by Barry McDonagh (BA, Dip Psych). The app also includes free breathing exercises, soothing meditations, and motivational 'pep talks' to help encourage and reassure you. It can be downloaded on the Apple App Store or the Google Play store.

How do these options sound?