I need advice

user123

I’m really anxious about a situation. My now bf of 7 months kissed a girl when we were just talking, and not together yet or been on a date. My sister recently found out and wasn’t pleased about it. I’m really worried she now has a bad opinion of him. She said she didn’t like it. She’s told me she has trust issues and that it wouldn’t have worked for her because of it. She also said I’m discrediting her being cheated on by making a big deal out of this. She said that I’m lucky essentially. What do I make of all of this? I’m just so distressed she doesn’t like my bf anymore and can’t move on. Everyone’s worn out and doesn’t want to talk about it anymore. I can’t seem to move on. Does anyone have any advice?

shannon_164

hey @user123 🙂

that sounds like such a stressful situation, and i can see why it’s been weighing on you. it makes sense that your sister’s reaction would make you feel anxious, especially since you care about both her and your boyfriend. it seems like she’s projecting her own experiences onto your situation, which isn’t really fair to you. what happened between your boyfriend and that girl was before you two were even together, so it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s untrustworthy now.

it’s understandable that she has trust issues because of what she’s been through, but that doesn’t mean your situation is the same as hers. you’re allowed to feel however you feel about it, and it’s okay if your perspective is different from hers. it doesn’t mean you’re discrediting her experience, it just means you see this in a different light, which is valid.

as for moving on, it might help to remind yourself that your relationship is about you and your boyfriend, not about how others feel about it. it’s hard when someone close to you doesn’t approve, but as long as you are happy with him and trust him, that’s what really matters. your sister might need time to process, but hopefully, with time, she’ll see that your relationship is strong and that this isn’t something that defines him.

if talking about it hasn’t helped and everyone’s feeling worn out, maybe taking a step back from the conversation for a bit could give you some clarity? sometimes when we overthink something, it feels bigger than it actually is.

you’re not alone in this - we are all here for you