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Awful day - losing hope

Chloe234Chloe234 Community Champion Posts: 3,845 Community Veteran
I've had a day from hell

I got told i'm not allowed in college or placement until college have a meeting with my dad because they're concerned that I'm not doing as well as I could be with my grades (I'm barely scraping E's atm) and they're concerned that there's so much going on mentally and behind the scenes in my life.

They wanted to keep me off until the meeting "so they don't cause me more stress and pressure" but I don't think they realised that it put more on me because 1 the longer I'm off, the more to catch up on and 2 I've always been so scared me mental health is gonna ruin my future and it's doing exactly that and them saying that I couldn't go in made it even worse

But now they've arranged a meeting Monday 4pm but it's gonna be so awkward because there's gonna be so many people and then just me there awkwardly while they all talk about me and stare at me. But idek my future isn't hopeful lmao. I sat in student services crying my eyes out and all the staff just kept staring at me and doing nothing and then the deputy dsl who had told me all this was like "you ok?" Like - hello?? Yeah definitely!!

I think the hardest part about it all is that I've genuinely accepted what was once my dream is something that realistically I'm not gonna get to do and it is so painful to say that but I've genuinely lost all hope in ever becoming a primary teacher.
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Comments

  • shannon_164shannon_164 Community Champion Posts: 688 Incredible Poster
    hey @Chloe234 - i don’t wanna be replying with another essay as i already messaged you one earlier about this, but just wanted to say that although things might not be working out how you want them to be right now, you are SUCH a strong person and so so determined, you will one day get to where you want to be in life.

    even though things aren’t going great for you right now, i’m really proud of you for still continuing to try chloe - you’ve got this, i believe in you🩷
  • independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 9,112 Supreme Poster
    Hey Chloe,

    I'm so sorry to hear you've had such a shit day. It's heartbreaking when you hear something like that.

    But all I can say is never give up that dream. From experience, it might not be the right time for it right now but that doesn't mean you can't do it in the future. Lots of people struggle in their teenage years for whatever reason (and for lots of us, into adulthood as well) but that doesn't mean it's not possible for things to improve and for you to become a teacher. You're still really young and you have time on your side here, with the right support I'm certain you can do it. I believe in you.

    Let us know how the meeting goes on monday. It's overwhelming as hell sitting there in front of a group of big scary people (as i always called them) but they want to help you and support you xx
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • FaolanFaolan Posts: 157 Helping Hand
    I’m sorry things have gotten this bad for you Chloe💚

    I hope the meeting goes okay and they can find a way to better support you through your studies

    Don’t give up on your dreams, you’re more than capable to achieve them and more
  • Invisible_meInvisible_me Posts: 200 Trailblazer
    Hi @Chloe234
    It seems like college has been really hard for you and they feel that a lot of your stress js college related and they fe that taking time off woll help in your mental health but little do they know that having time off will make this worse for you. I knkw exactly how you feel- I had this problem at university and I was like putting me on timeout is not going to help it's going to make it worse.
    You say you have a meeting Monday with a lot of people- I hear your fear!
    I think, do you know whose going b to be there? Find one person who you feel you can talk to before the meeting, let them know your thoughts and that way hopefully you will you have someone who will advocate on your behalf, that is what will help and won't feel as if everyone is against you.
    Also write notes before had, take this in the meeting with you, keep this with you and even if you shut down then hopefully someone will notice or you push the notes towards them and that can be your voice.
    The meeting is with your dad- I don't know what your relationship is like with your dad, but can you talk to him and get him to also act as an advocate for you. Ideally it would be great if you had your dad and a teacher as a support for you.
    Maybe have a think about what college can do to help it mental health but also support with your grades.
    I feel like ive given you some room for thought..

    Remember we are here for you!! I know how you feel! 💛
  • Chloe234Chloe234 Community Champion Posts: 3,845 Community Veteran
    Thankyou so so much @shannon_164 @independent_ @Faolan and @Invisible_me <3 I really do appreciate it
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  • shannon_164shannon_164 Community Champion Posts: 688 Incredible Poster
    @Chloe234 it sounds so so frustrating to have had that outcome from the meeting:( i think you would make an amazing teacher, im not only just saying that to be nice or whatever, i do genuinely think that after getting to know you! in terms of you not being very good at safeguarding within a setting, i totally get what you mean about being more vigilant and i very much agree with you, after everything you've been through you don't want anyone to have to feel the way you do, therefore you would be more vigilant and more alert to signs etc, i feel the exact same way and find myself always thinking about stuff in terms of safeguarding.

    i really hope that you can prove them wrong chloe and be able to achieve your dream of becoming a teacher, as when you do, you will be making SUCH a difference to those childrens lives, you'll be the teacher that everybody wants to have!! i believe in you chloe, you've got this🩷
  • Chloe234Chloe234 Community Champion Posts: 3,845 Community Veteran
    Thankyou Shannon 🩷
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  • Invisible_meInvisible_me Posts: 200 Trailblazer
    Chloe234 wrote: »
    I've been really run down since the meeting I can't lie. Personally the meeting upset me, crushed a bit of my dream, and also just genuinely made me feel like there isn't hope at all.

    They made it clear that they're concerned about if this course is the best course for me and they're concerned that I won't be good at safeguarding within a setting if a case was to ever happen because of my past experiences and how I was honest and admitted to them that I do find some lessons hard because it links to past experiences that are being brought up in therapy on the Monday right before the lessons we are having on families and safeguarding.

    The thing about safeguarding hurt a bit I can't lie as if anything I feel I'd be more vigilant and more ontop of safeguarding as I would want to catch things as early as possible and try and prevent things getting worse. I also really wanna be a teacher because I wanna be able to make a difference for these children and be that safe space I once had when I was younger because home life was quite frankly awful. But it just feels like that hope has been crushed slightly.

    My college have set another meeting for the 24th and if I haven't improved then they're gonna look at a fitness to study plan which I fear is gonna be not allowing me into college which will cause me to fall massively behind on work meaning that I'd have to be removed from the course and this destroys me. I went into college today and my anxiety was just through the roof and throughout the day i just didn't feel like I could be me and it was horrible 😕 I was so much quieter than usual in a couple lessons because I didn't want to make it a bigger risk that I would be kicked off.

    I'm just so tired and fed up with it and I now just feel like I have to pretend none of my problems are there and I'm all okay just so I'm not removed from the course

    I can understand how fustrating this was for you and it's a shame it went this way!! Its really difficult to know what to do this situation ans in a way it sounds like you feel quite trapped in what to do.

    I also think you'll be amazing at beinga tea her and safeguarding. Exactky- you'll have that personal connection and desire which is much better than just reading and understanding things from a textbook. I'm.nots are what the safeguarding comment was but is it that they feel if there was a safeguarding concern then you wouldn't act on it? Or a concern of the personal impact any safeguarding concerns would have on your wellbeing? If so what's the guarantee that someone else who hasn't been trhiigj what you have eont be triggered by it because of something that happens later on in life. All safeguarding concerns naturally can pull a heartstring for all humans - its human nature.

    In a way I'm thinking is there a teacher there who you trust ans can talk to? I feel if there is then thus can help. Otherwise it is like prove yourself (which is unfair)..
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