If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
I don't have any friends and I don't feel like I will find my people
FashionTech537
Posts: 5 Confirmed not a robot
Throughout my life I have never had any issues making friends when I was in school. I had a lot of friends in primary and secondary school. Even when I was in university I talked to everyone and I enjoyed socialising.
I do have mental health issues but people can't tell due to how talkative and easy going I am.
Ever since I graduated 2 years ago, no-one speaks to me or reaches out to ask me how I am. I know the phone and messages goes both ways but I am tired and exhausted always reaching out to others and I hate it. I hate having to be the first person to initiate everything all the time when others are lazy to reciprocate it.
I do want some advice on this, but not the one where everyone says go outside, volunteer, join a club or hobby. It is always the standard answers and people don't even bother. I do volunteer and did join hobbies and nothing came out of it.
When will people realise and wake up that this is harmful. Treating other people like they are disposable and inconvenient is horrible. I have been there so many times and I am tired of it. Everytime I have tried to make friends, people just use me and throw me away like I mean nothing.
So what am I meant to do? I sometimes wish I could move to another country and start over again.
I do have mental health issues but people can't tell due to how talkative and easy going I am.
Ever since I graduated 2 years ago, no-one speaks to me or reaches out to ask me how I am. I know the phone and messages goes both ways but I am tired and exhausted always reaching out to others and I hate it. I hate having to be the first person to initiate everything all the time when others are lazy to reciprocate it.
I do want some advice on this, but not the one where everyone says go outside, volunteer, join a club or hobby. It is always the standard answers and people don't even bother. I do volunteer and did join hobbies and nothing came out of it.
When will people realise and wake up that this is harmful. Treating other people like they are disposable and inconvenient is horrible. I have been there so many times and I am tired of it. Everytime I have tried to make friends, people just use me and throw me away like I mean nothing.
So what am I meant to do? I sometimes wish I could move to another country and start over again.
Post edited by Sian321 at
Tagged:
3
Comments
What you described sounds really hard, and I hear what you're saying about how exhausting it feels to always be the person who is reaching out. It leaves you feeling disposable, thrown-away, like an inconvienience. That stings, it's painful. And I can imagine it's confusing, and lonely too.
You mentioned that you'd like some advice, but that you've already tried things such as volunteering, starting hobbies, and trying to make connections that way. I see what you mean.
I suppose what came up for me whilst I was reading your post was first just how genuinely painful this sounds. It feels like a real loss, you know? To have noticed those friends from uni fading away. To be made to feel like you're nothing to them. There's a grief in that almost. And I wondered whether you've had any time and space to let yourself really feel that and to be angry, or sad, or whatever comes up? It feels like so much change - graduating, leaving uni, losing friends. And I wonder whether you've had any spaces where you can really talk about what that's been like and feel listened to?
Secondly, I also wondered how much of this your friends are aware of? E.g. whether they know what it's been like for you to feel them drifting? Would this be something you'd like to share with them? If you got the chance to talk, what would feel important to you to say?
Keep us posted, @FashionTech537 , and we're here to listen. You matter, and your friendship is a beautiful thing which should be respected and held with care
Thank you so much for replying to my post.
At first, I used to grieve over these things alot to the point I used to feel angry, sad and upset. But overtime I have become quite desensitised to this.
Everytime I have tried to reach out, people just ignore me or make me feel like I am not worthy of their time. When it was my birthday last year, I invited a few close people and the ones I was close to never showed up or bothered to message me.
It did hurt alot and it makes me question why people are really like this? People feel as though they don't have a duty of care to others and in some cases it can leave me feeling as though I am the problem.
I am very vocal about my mental health and struggles and everytime I voice this or post on social media no-one cares.
Throughout my whole life I just feel really used and thrown away by nearly everyone I have met. This doesn't just include people I met at university but friends from outside of university who think that it is okay to treat people like they mean nothing.
Also, I accidentally posted this post in the neurodivergence section, is there anyway this can be changed to health and wellbeing.
Alot of your situation sounds really similar to mine, though i dropped outta Uni in 2013 (went back to education in 2014 / 15 but it didnt work out), my friend groups drifted apart ect. Now i have maybe 2 friends, but only one of them i see a few times a year. For me, ive just kinda accepted its a fact of getting older. Not 100% Sure if thats what is meant to happen. But, at least at my age (31 next month), people's careers are hitting their prime, they are choosing people to live with ect or starting a family.
Though, the distance with friends started probably more like 5 - 8 years ago. I would try to put in the time to message people or arrange things. But everyone was just too busy. Even up until maybe 3 days ago, I would be on Discord 24/7, finding people to talk to from various MMOs ive played over the years. But the moment i stop messaging them first, i dont get replies. Now for the last 3 days, ive just not been on discord, and just enjoying my own space. Ive decided its something i need to get used to.
Regarding the vocal about your MH on social media. This i can relate to as well in my younger years. However, something i learnt, people just dont want to read it. As harsh as it may sound, I dont feel places like facebook or twitter (is there differnet social media people post on ? ) are the best places for that. If its in a privtate chat, or in a place where only close friends / family can see sure. But when its open to 100's + people, might not be the best or safest place to discuss it. (Reasoning: Personal experience and manipulations from doing the same thing)
I know im not much help in the situation you're currently going through, but I just wanted to share that you're not alone, and that even if you have just 1 or 2 people that you talk to every 3 - 6 months. That might be better then people where you have to constantly bug them to message you. This is something i learnt the hard way myself.
Regarding the moving the topic, one of the mods should be able to do it :>
Thanks for your insight and replying to this thread.
I feel the same, as I grew older, less people mattered or didn't care.
It feels like a societal problem as this point because I see so many people suffering from chronic loneliness because of this.
It does give a bad message and it is sad seeing other people treat others like this.
As for the social media posts, I mostly post on Instagram but stopped when I realised no-one cared enough to ask.
I understand times aren't easy anymore and that everything is becoming difficult, but it is sad knowing that people lack consideration and awareness.
I would love to just hang out and get some fresh air. I do have some friends but we rarely speak and sometimes I feel like I don't fit in.