Accidentally nocturnal

I’ve completely messed up my sleeping but I can’t fix it. Every night I just don’t go to bed lol. I want to but I don’t. I have this whole routine of unnecessary rubbish I do every night. Also night time is when I struggle the most. There’s no point going to sleep or doing anything ever. It feels insurmountable. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t want to do anything ever again because life is just too much effort. I feel like I’m going crazy, I don’t even know what I’m writing. I just want my brain to stop doing everything WRONG.
My life consists of absolutely nothing and I’m most awake after midnight. I get hungry then too. I sleep all day and get ready for bed all night. I’m literally going mad. I don’t get why this is so hard lol, my life should be so simple but somehow I can’t do the easiest thing ever. I want a break from my brain. And I’m ready to have a meal right now but everyone’s asleep. My whole life is consumed by sleep. I’m going crazy.
Sorry everyone for wasting your time.

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Azziman

Hey @AnonymousToe, I can hear that you're in a difficult spot at the moment. Thank you for sharing how you feel and what you're going through here - you absolutely aren't wasting anyone's time! You deserve to be listened to and heard

Could you explain a little more about what's involved in this routine that you do each night?

It sounds like there's a few things going on here, but the one that's stuck out here is when you say that your life consists of nothing. Could you tell us a little more about what you mean, and why you say this?

We're here to support you through this - you're not alone

lunarcat522

@AnonymousToe I completely hear where you're coming from and this is something I struggle a lot with myself (hence the username!).

AnonymousToe wrote: »

I have this whole routine of unnecessary rubbish I do every night. Also night time is when I struggle the most. There’s no point going to sleep or doing anything ever. It feels insurmountable. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t want to do anything ever again because life is just too much effort. I feel like I’m going crazy, I don’t even know what I’m writing. I just want my brain to stop doing everything WRONG.

I'm not sure whether this will help but it helps me if I can better understand my experiences. You might be interested in looking into the term "revenge bedtime procrastination" to see if this is similar to the experiences you've been having. It's essentially the idea that you suddenly prolong sleeping by doing 'menial' tasks that could really wait until the next day to be completed, as a way of prolonging the next day from coming. It's almost a way people take back their agency as night might be the only time they have control over, with no responsibilities or expectations.

I obviously don't know your personal circumstances, and this might not be the exact or only explanation but I've mentioned it if it peaks your interest and resonates with you.

There's nothing wrong with you, and I can assure you, you're not going crazy

We all handle things in different ways, and for some people, they just prefer to stay up for the sake of it, and that's okay!

AnonymousToe wrote: »

My life consists of absolutely nothing and I’m most awake after midnight. I get hungry then too. I sleep all day and get ready for bed all night. I’m literally going mad. I don’t get why this is so hard lol, my life should be so simple but somehow I can’t do the easiest thing ever. I want a break from my brain. And I’m ready to have a meal right now but everyone’s asleep. My whole life is consumed by sleep. I’m going crazy.
Sorry everyone for wasting your time.

Sometimes we need to listen to our bodies, so when you feel hungry, I don't see anything wrong with having something light to eat. Despite what society tells us, there's no set "rule" for when we eat, and some have suggested we would benefit more from smaller snacking sessions throughout the day as opposed to 3 "big" meals, so I would just do whatever feels right for you.

I've been thinking as well, some individuals struggle with transitions, particularly those who are neurodivergent. The transitions don't have to be big, for example I struggle with when I'm about to have a shower as it feels like a lot of mental effort and takes me a long time to get up, and actually "do the thing", as there's a lot of steps to it (getting up, walking downstairs, undressing, turning the shower on, adjusting to the temperature, etc). Once again this is just another explanation but the transition for sleep, I would argue is quite difficult for a lot of people, even once they're in bed.

I've personally found it useful to embrace my sleep patterns as it's only something I can control, I've found, to a certain extent. However if it's something that's really concerning you, you could talk to a GP about it, who may be able to investigate this further to help you out.

Do you have any particular routine during the day, i.e. a reason to be up at a certain time like work/college/a pet? I've found it helped me keep a routine when I signed up to volunteer at a few shops and places as I had a responsibility for something bigger than myself which helped keep my sleep cycle somewhat more consistent.

Some other solutions could be the type of alarm clock you use - I have one that gets increasingly louder until you turn it off, long pressing for 3 seconds. You can also get alarm clocks (physical ones) that have a light setting that get increasingly brighter when it's time to wake up, to assist with your circadian rhythm. Your sleep cycle is often assisted by sunlight as it triggers certain sleep or wake hormones depending on the time of day.

You could also read if this is something you enjoy to tire your eyes out a bit.

I also use ASMR which helps me a lot to sleep quickly, but you could use any sort of background noise such as white noise/brown noise.

Some people also like certain temperatures such as a cold fan or having the window slightly open, or some like me like to be quite warm and wrapped up.

If you're restless you could look into weighted blankets which help regulate the nervous system, or you could try some breathing techniques to help slow your heart rate down to prepare for sleep.

I think sleep is quite a personal thing and there's a lot of preferences involved in how you do it, so maybe experiment with a few of these if you haven't already to find out what works for you.

Also you're not wasting anyone's time, we're here to help and we care about you!

I hope this helps

AnonymousToe

Hi @Azziman and thank you for replying

Azziman wrote: »

Could you explain a little more about what's involved in this routine that you do each night?

It’s kind of stupid lol, but I TW

spend upwards of an hour picking my face in the mirror - I literally can’t stop

By the time I’ve actually got ready for bed and done that, I’m often not even sleepy anymore so then I do random stuff on my phone in bed. I check all the different apps and websites because I don’t like the feeling of having things waiting for me. I want it all to be done. And for some reason I write out a load of rubbish about how I feel into my notes app, which I can do for over an hour as well. I’m not sure how I manage that, but I just don’t like lying in the dark and having no outlet for the endless thoughts.

Azziman wrote: »

It sounds like there's a few things going on here, but the one that's stuck out here is when you say that your life consists of nothing. Could you tell us a little more about what you mean, and why you say this?

So right now I’m on a gap year that I took by accident, I think that explains a lot of it XD I really struggled last academic year and it was so busy and all that, so I had no plan for this year. There’s nothing to do and nothing going on. It’s a bit depressing and I don’t really know what to do with myself, especially after a very hectic time in sixth form. Everything has just disappeared from my life.

AnonymousToe

Thank you so much for all that @lunarcat522

I think I struggle with going to bed because I just have no plan for the next day. Nothing is gonna happen when I wake up, apart from me wasting another day, so why bother going to bed? I think I probably just need to find things to do, it’s hard right now because it’s so COLD 😂 but i know getting some daylight will probably help too.

I’ve never tried using ASMR or background noise to get to sleep, so I might try that. Thanks for the idea.

Former Member

I hear you on this @AnonymousToe, keep thriving ⭐️⭐️

Azziman

Hey @AnonymousToe

Thanks for sharing this, it sounds like a lot to do before you go to bed!

Writing how you feel is great, and it's good to see that you have an outlet where you can express yourself. It sounds like you have a lot to write about! I wonder if starting it earlier, or perhaps setting a time limit on how long you write for each day, would help to bring that sleep time back towards a more normal pattern?

On using your phone before bed, do you know when you started to get into this habit, or why you might need to check all the apps/sites that you do? I would imagine that this might be part of the reason that you stay up. Screen time before bed can disrupt our sleep-wake cycle, reduce the quality of the sleep that we do get, and make it harder for us to actually get to sleep. And the light from the phone screen also keeps us alert while we use it. That's why general guidance is to not use your phone for a period before you go to sleep. That doesn't mean you can't respond to notifications - just that you could consider doing these earlier in the evening, so that it doesn't impact your sleep/routine as much.

The gap year makes sense, and you're definitely not alone in feeling you need a break after school life! I can imagine that the loss of routine, and not having a plan for the time, can feel empty. But, the year is still ongoing, and you still have plenty of time. Perhaps you can use the time to think of places to visit, projects to do, things to learn? And further forward, what you might like to do after this gap year? Do you have any ideas on either of these, that you could use some of the time for?

AnonymousToe

I just can’t be bothered to go to bed. Once it gets late and everyone is asleep, I’m alone with the hopeless thoughts. Like what am I doing with my life? It’s all so pointless. I’m really struggling but for literally no reason ughhh

AnonymousToe

Bringing this thread back because there’s nowhere else to say this and it fits best here.

I feel like I’m losing control of everything and it’s miserable

eylah

AnonymousToe wrote: »

Bringing this thread back because there’s nowhere else to say this and it fits best here.

I feel like I’m losing control of everything and it’s miserable

im sry. im here for you. and i care abt you. might not reply. as goin bed but. remember your loved and cared abt.

AnonymousToe

Thank you so much @eylah i really appreciate you

eylah

aw. your the kindest. your heart is so pure. you really are a blessing to me.

im sry your goin through hard shit atm. but your so strong.

. im by your side.