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I'm a mess
JJLemon18
Community Champion Posts: 2,021 Boards Champion
Hi. This will probably be another post where I ramble about how I'm such a mess. I'm trying so hard to not write these posts but I just can't help it for some reason. I just feel completely hopeless.
I could explain a hundred ways in which my life is a total mess, but I'll only focus on one right now. Its not being able to concentrate on studies. I can't for the love of me manage to focus and get anything done. I spent the whole day yesterday and today just sitting by my laptop trying to get on with courseworks but no matter how hard I want to do anything I'm getting nowhere. I only have a week left and still a ton of work to do, there's no way I'll do it all in time. And that's not mentioning that I've already been given extra time, but all of it just vanished. I can't even remember what I was doing for that past month or so, time is just going by so fast like it has never before. All I'm doing is eating and sleeping...
I'm fed up of this life, I hate where it is going. Yet I feel so powerless to do anything, no matter how much people tell me that I can change I just get nowhere. Actually I am changing, constantly changing for the worse. And I'm just scared and tired of the situation that I'm in.
I'm not sure what I expect from this post. There really is nothing that anyone could tell me that will suddenly change my life. I just don't know what else I'm supposed to do.
Take care you all. Sending hugs!
I could explain a hundred ways in which my life is a total mess, but I'll only focus on one right now. Its not being able to concentrate on studies. I can't for the love of me manage to focus and get anything done. I spent the whole day yesterday and today just sitting by my laptop trying to get on with courseworks but no matter how hard I want to do anything I'm getting nowhere. I only have a week left and still a ton of work to do, there's no way I'll do it all in time. And that's not mentioning that I've already been given extra time, but all of it just vanished. I can't even remember what I was doing for that past month or so, time is just going by so fast like it has never before. All I'm doing is eating and sleeping...
I'm fed up of this life, I hate where it is going. Yet I feel so powerless to do anything, no matter how much people tell me that I can change I just get nowhere. Actually I am changing, constantly changing for the worse. And I'm just scared and tired of the situation that I'm in.
I'm not sure what I expect from this post. There really is nothing that anyone could tell me that will suddenly change my life. I just don't know what else I'm supposed to do.
Take care you all. Sending hugs!
Believe in me - who believes in you
4
Comments
Sending so many hugs.
I wish i could take away the pain. But i suppose the horrible thing is like you said theres nothing that can suddenly take away the pain. Getting better can require alot of energy which you don't have when you're struggling, its a horrible vicious spiral and it can make you feel like theres way out.
Im sorry everything feels like a mess right now.
But theres somethings you're doing really good.
1. You're still talking and opening up here, which isnh easy.
2. You're attending therapy.
These are big things and tricky things. Don't let your forget youve been putting in some really hard work. I know it hasn't been feeling like it's paying off yet but it will (but i know right now that feels very far away). I know its tricky but you owe it yourself to acknowledge how hard youre trying right now.
Have you ever been hammering nail and no matter how hard you try you cant really see the nail going in, you keep hitting but it doesn't seem to be making a difference. You keep going and its not until you step back you realise the nail has started to go in. Maybe not as far as you would like it but it has gone in. And with that boost of confidence you keep readjust your grip and keep hammering. Sometimes the nail starts meaning to the side and you have to correct it. And with time eventually you get the nail securely into place.
Recovery can be alot like that. It takes time and that can be miserable and frustrating and sometimes theres moments you feel even worse. But we see how hard you're trying and we are proud of you and we are here for you.
You haven't failed. I went through the same thing and im going to tell you what someone told me. Your brain is struggling right now so its not doing very well at taking in information. Right now its taking you alot of energy to wake up in the morning and keep going. It means theres not much energy left for you to do the stuff you normally would like studying. This doesn't make you lazy or a mess, its not your fault
I know my words wont change how you feel. I felt sad and angry at myself for a very long time, i still do sometimes. But ive been trying to kind to myself. I tried my best ive just been having a bad brain time. But im kind, determined and im enough! I repeat those words to myself before work. It felt cheesy at first but it helps.
Your kind,determined and smart. Do you think you could repeat those words to yourself? Sometimes we forget the good things about ourselves.
Is there someone you could talk to about studying, maybe they could offer you some help or extra time?
Im sorry if it sounded like im invalidating your feelings. I hear how everything feels like a mess and that really sucks. Sending so many hugs and we are here for you.
Hmm, well that's in the past now. I've had my last session last thursday... I did apply for free short-term therapy from the NHS today but I have a weird feeling it isn't going to help at all. I have to be hopeful I guess.
That's an incredible way to put it! And yea, you're right. I guess I just can't see anything good I'm doing anymore. And every time something goes slightly wrong I just fall back forgetting all the progress I have made along the way. I would explain it like hammering the nail and the second it starts to bend to the side, instead of trying to fix it I just take it out the wall completely and start over. But there are some things I can't start over, so I just leave the nail there and refuse to try and fix it. I guess my nail is really bent right now.
I'm kind, determined, smart, and I'm enough! Yes, I can do that
Well I could talk to my tutor again, but I don't see how else he could help beside getting upset at me for leaving everything until last minute again. I already got extra time and I don't think I can get any more. He isn't gonna do the work for me either. I just don't know how to explain myself and why I can't get anything done.
No, absolutely not! Also I invalidate my own feelings all the time so I'm alright with it haha.
Thank you so so much. Sending lots of hugs! I hope you're alright
There are some strategies you can try when facing difficulty concentrating, including breaking tasks into smaller and manageable steps, setting specific goals and deadlines, creating a conducive and comfortable environment, using time management techniques, seeking support from close friends or family, exercising.
If it’s about the professional contents, you can consider reaching out to your instructors, academic advisors, or student support services to discuss your situation and explore potential solutions. They may be able to provide guidance or offer additional resources.
Hope these suggestions can provide some support and encouragement during this challenging time. Take things one step at a time and be kind to yourself. You're capable of making progress, and with perseverance, you can overcome obstacles and find a way forward!