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Potential TW :warning: Adoption and BP
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Sending hugs,
Amy22
Unfortunately, like Amy I don't know much about the adoption process and what would be involved in meeting your birth parents but hopefully if / when you do - it goes well for you
Sending hugs
Sinead
Wanting to meet your birth parents seems to have been a very big and difficult decision for you and it's very brave of you to want to go through with it. I am by no means an expert on the issue, however, I want to link some resources that might have helpful advice and information.
Adoption Uk offers numerous services to adoptees and has a helpline where you can receive information, encouragement, and can be pointed towards specialist help (0300 666 0006)
In this part of their website you can find a list of UK charities that offer help and information to adoptees
Hope this helps
i'm really glad that you've had some time to think about it and are still certain that this is right choice for you and I think many people, understandably, want to know 'where they came from' and what their birth parents are like, even if you're not looking for answers or to have a relationship, meeting them once can be cathartic.
I think it's great to look at those links provided, I just wanted to ask a bit more about your situation at the minute. For example, do you know anything about your birth parents already? and how are your parents (like your mum) talking to you about it al? sometimes getting these thoughts out on a page can make it a bit easier to figure out the rest of the logistics
Well done for coming to this decision for yourself, it's truly very brave of you xx
(https://www.familylives.org.uk/advice/your-family/fostering-adoption-kinshipcare/contacting-birth-parents?referer=/advice/your-family/fostering-adoption-kinshipcare. : this website could be helpful for you and your mum when talking about next steps)
Of course, Morgan, if you'd like to talk about it, I'd be more than grateful to listen and hear about that night? No pressure of course, especially if it would feel too difficult to write out
In terms of meeting your birth parents, have any further steps been taken over the past week? xx
You have faced so much pain and unfair treatment in such a short life Morgan, it's no wonder you've become so numb to so much of it and any other anguish you've faced since (like your grief). To not have birth parents who look after you in the way all children deserve is a dreadful thing and it must make considering meeting them very challenging and maybe uncomfortable(?) because you know some of how you and your lovely siblings were treated
On top of all that you had to face being split apart from 3 of your brothers and even the brother you were fostered with was forced to endure terrible fostering from this woman. It must have been so scary and distressing to experience all of that after being taken away from your home too. Given that, I think it is beyond understandable that you were so fearful of showers for such a long time.
I know you mentioned that lasting for two years, does this mean you feel more able to be in that kind of water now?
Also, (feel no pressure to answer this) how does all of this make you feel about potentially connecting with your birthparents?
Huge hugs, as always xx
What makes you think they wouldn't want to meet you? (Feel free not to answer this if it's too upsetting).
being separated from your siblings is already horrendous enough to never even meet some of them must be such a cold feeling for you, wondering about how they're getting on and how their lives are turning out. It's something that should never have been stolen from any of you
Ah, apologies, Morgan, I just meant, do you feel able to shower now?
Huge hugs
Ah, that is very understandable train of thought, given that you bore the brunt of the abuse and the pain they caused, it makes a lot of sense to feel that this means they did not like you or that you were specifically targeted by them for a reason. Thinking about all of this must run you ragged and feel so agonizing. All of this must make the prospect of meeting them, whether now or years in the future, extremely scary and worrying, like what sorts of emotions could meeting them bring up.
Plus, you're having to acknowledge the fact that some of your siblings can be in contact with them which makes them uncontactable for you, so piecing together this part of your childhood and those memories must be a lot more challenging. I can't even begin to imagine how harrowing this whole ordeal is.
I'm glad you can sometimes cope with a shower
You must be so drained, not just because of the lack of sleep over such a long period, but also the impact of the hallucinations. Hallucinating can be deeply scary and troubling to experience (as you of course know) but all the more so when they are taking on the form of someone who has hurt and mistreated you.
19 days is a very long time to not sleep for, even with the help of the Pepsi
It's important that you were able to get some sleep, even if only a little. A tiny nap can certainly do wonders for our bodies and minds, I reckon.
The fact that the dreams and nightmares you're having are coming true must be absolutely terrifying. Especially given the fact that the dreams are about such awful events and experiences
When do you find it easiest to sleep, Morgan? xx
What you say about not getting it is beyond beyond reasonable, honestly, I cannot wrap my head around the thought process behind your siblings doing this to you, not only because it is immensely unkind, but also knowing that you can be in such a vulnerable and stressful headspace.
Being angry and upset makes total sense, especially as you have spent so much time simply trying to wrap your head around the fact she was gone.
Given how traumatising this entire situation is for you, I am wondering if you've been able to talk to anyone about this - what they have done and how much pain this has caused you?
Huge hugs
(Also, I appreciate you answering about when sleep is easiest
xxx
I think when people who are meant to care about you (i.e., family) break your heart in such an intense way, it's hard to ever come back from it, especially when they know that these types of situations are much more difficult for you to process and try to cope with. It's entirely wrong and I'm so glad that despite it all, you're trying to find a way to create a boundary with them where you are keeping yourself as a priority. You certainly do not need people who can hurt you in this way in your life.
Definitely, I think a lot of the time the day is much more peaceful, because the dark just makes everything scarier tbh. I'll be honest, I still sleep with lights on at my age and I don't really have shame about it because I know it's what I need, and I think the same goes for you knowing when the hallucinations are more likely to come and trying to find a way to avoid that
If you do remember, please feel free to drop it on this thread! And we will get back to you as soon as we can
Couldn't agree more, really the fact that you know yourself well enough to see what can help (even if only a little bit) when you're having hallucinations is really important. It makes me wonder if anything else helps you to cope with the hallucinations? xx