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I'm a failure

FordRangerFordRanger Posts: 10 Settling in
Hi, I'm new on here, I use the group chat function on here, this is going to be my first post. Im 21 and im a failure, i failed my gcses, when i was at school i wanted to be a mechanic and do an apprenticeship but couldn't get on because of my grades. I'm in college which I dont like, it's boring and i dont like some of the staff and I dont have many friends which isn't good and outside college i have some friends but i dont have a girlfriend i just have not been successful in life. I really dont know what in good at we discussed it in college once then when the teacher asks me i just try to think but cant think of anything.

I've been a failure since leaving school, i wanted to do an apprenticeship but you need maths english and science gcses grade Cs which i didn't have and still don't. I have failed mocks a few times because i was retaking at my current college. I was failing sobi stopped turning up to the lessons maths and English. Im still stuck in college on this course which i just dont like im just doing it to get out the house im failing in it as well i had a letter saying my attendance is low so ill be withdrawn even thoughits the end of the year they can stil do that. Also they keep complaining im late, im just not motivated so i could put more effort in but whats the point i dont like it. My course is irrelevant to my career goals. The staff i have are so annoying.


im worried about my future because i don't want to do anything i don't like for example im at college, i went to certain schools and i hated them so much. Im worried im just going to stay i failure all my life like being stuck in something i don't like because I've nor had the best luck with schools and colleges. Now there's no dennying it, im a failure, im 21 just here doing this college course and failed gcse mocks which is supposed to be what 15 year olds do. I do have goals i would like to do but i feel like i will never acheive them. I have been feeling down worrying about my future for so long. Cheers guys
spoonroxbynezuko_chan

Comments

  • MikeMike 🚀🌌 In my own worldCommunity Manager Posts: 4,028 Community Veteran
    Boy does this sound familiar. :sweat_smile: I can relate to this. I retook my first year of college three times, then ended up dropping out and working at my local takeaway. It's really tough to be where you are @FordRanger. I remember internalising those feelings of failure and hopelessness, and it can feel like it defines your whole existence. This stuff grinds you down.

    But you're not a failure. Hear me out.

    Failing your exams and not getting on well with academia means just that - that you don't get on well with academia. As much as we're told the opposite at school, it doesn't reflect your intelligence, your ability, or your future prospects. Mental health, family/home life, neurodivergence, disability, and all kinds of things can impact whether someone succeeds academically. I know for me it was poor mental health and undiagnosed neurodivergence. You might have failed exams or be failing your course, but you're not intrisically a failure. I'd argue the education system failed you by not enabling you to succeed.

    Also, it's okay if you don't know what to do. I'm 26 now and I still don't really know what my long-term goals are. Fortunately I was able to find a job I love through volunteering, but by all accounts that was pretty lucky. Sometimes it takes time to figure this out and there's nothing wrong with cruising for a bit until you find something you want to pursue. People (particularly teachers) might put pressure on you to decide now and say that you're running out of time to choose, but I don't think that's true or helpful.

    Obviously this is totally up to you, but I also wanted to say that leaving education is an option. I might be rambling a bit now but, when I was younger, I knew I wanted to leave education but it just didn't feel possible. My teachers made me feel like it would mean I had no future, and it just wasn't an option anyone ever talked to me about. But when I left, it freed up so much of my headspace and I was able to properly think about what I wanted to do.
    I do have goals i would like to do but i feel like i will never acheive them.
    What are your goals? They don't have to be academic. Maybe success for you is finding stability or happiness, or gaining confidence. Who's to say what they should be.

    Good to see you using the boards by the way. :) Welcome! I'll stop rambling now, haha.
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.

    Want to join the community champions? Drop @TheMix a message!
    FordRangerroxbynezuko_chanStellaluna
  • spoonspoon EarthPosts: 162 Helping Hand
    edited June 21
    Woah hey Ford! Welcome to boards!

    Academia isn't for everybody but this world has plenty to offer and so you will find something more your forte if you quit telling yourself you're a failure. You're only a failure when your at your last breath with nothing, but you have plenty of time! It's okay to take time in figuring out what you want in life and what might be the best route for you to go. You are just who you so if you find a route that might not be traditional, go for it! Please don't give up. I don't mean don't give up in college or whatever, I mean don't give up in trying to succeed because there's many ways you can.

    Have you considered looking at Level 2 apprenticeships? The reason why some of the apprenticeships you found only lets you be in when you have GCSEs might be because the ones you find are probably Level 3 (equivalent to A Levels). Colleges and 6th forms sometimes advertise Level 3 and 4 and even degree apprenticeship stuff because I guess they assume that most people got their GCSEs or even A Levels or equivalents such as BTECs or T Levels. A Level 2 apprenticeship would be equivalent to GCSEs so you might have better luck getting in and work you way up from there. You might love it more, working as you learn. getting paid (not much because duh it's an apprenticeship but it's a motive which is what you might be looking for) and it might do you good. It might be like a fresh start. You will do okay eventually Ford!
    Whats a signatureeeww
    FordRangernezuko_chan
  • FordRangerFordRanger Posts: 10 Settling in
    Mike wrote: »
    Boy does this sound familiar. :sweat_smile: I can relate to this. I retook my first year of college three times, then ended up dropping out and working at my local takeaway. It's really tough to be where you are @FordRanger. I remember internalising those feelings of failure and hopelessness, and it can feel like it defines your whole existence. This stuff grinds you down.

    But you're not a failure. Hear me out.

    Failing your exams and not getting on well with academia means just that - that you don't get on well with academia. As much as we're told the opposite at school, it doesn't reflect your intelligence, your ability, or your future prospects. Mental health, family/home life, neurodivergence, disability, and all kinds of things can impact whether someone succeeds academically. I know for me it was poor mental health and undiagnosed neurodivergence. You might have failed exams or be failing your course, but you're not intrisically a failure. I'd argue the education system failed you by not enabling you to succeed.

    Also, it's okay if you don't know what to do. I'm 26 now and I still don't really know what my long-term goals are. Fortunately I was able to find a job I love through volunteering, but by all accounts that was pretty lucky. Sometimes it takes time to figure this out and there's nothing wrong with cruising for a bit until you find something you want to pursue. People (particularly teachers) might put pressure on you to decide now and say that you're running out of time to choose, but I don't think that's true or helpful.

    Obviously this is totally up to you, but I also wanted to say that leaving education is an option. I might be rambling a bit now but, when I was younger, I knew I wanted to leave education but it just didn't feel possible. My teachers made me feel like it would mean I had no future, and it just wasn't an option anyone ever talked to me about. But when I left, it freed up so much of my headspace and I was able to properly think about what I wanted to do.
    I do have goals i would like to do but i feel like i will never acheive them.
    What are your goals? They don't have to be academic. Maybe success for you is finding stability or happiness, or gaining confidence. Who's to say what they should be.

    Good to see you using the boards by the way. :) Welcome! I'll stop rambling now, haha.

    My goals are to be self employed in a job that I like but I just dont feel capable of it
    nezuko_chan
  • FordRangerFordRanger Posts: 10 Settling in
    spoon wrote: »
    Woah hey Ford! Welcome to boards!

    Academia isn't for everybody but this world has plenty to offer and so you will find something more your forte if you quit telling yourself you're a failure. You're only a failure when your at your last breath with nothing, but you have plenty of time! It's okay to take time in figuring out what you want in life and what might be the best route for you to go. You are just who you so if you find a route that might not be traditional, go for it! Please don't give up. I don't mean don't give up in college or whatever, I mean don't give up in trying to succeed because there's many ways you can.

    Have you considered looking at Level 2 apprenticeships? The reason why some of the apprenticeships you found only lets you be in when you have GCSEs might be because the ones you find are probably Level 3 (equivalent to A Levels). Colleges and 6th forms sometimes advertise Level 3 and 4 and even degree apprenticeship stuff because I guess they assume that most people got their GCSEs or even A Levels or equivalents such as BTECs or T Levels. A Level 2 apprenticeship would be equivalent to GCSEs so you might have better luck getting in and work you way up from there. You might love it more, working as you learn. getting paid (not much because duh it's an apprenticeship but it's a motive which is what you might be looking for) and it might do you good. It might be like a fresh start. You will do okay eventually Ford!

    I just feel like because everyone else is getting ahead and im still in college. I feel like ive been a failure since I left secondary school. I dropped out of college after a few days after leaving school then a year later i went back and i have just had people making fun of me there, staff nagging me, failing tests, famliy issues, confidence issues and i feel like its just one thing after another.

    People always take the piss out of me because im still in college at 21. might consider a level 2 apprenticeship though
  • spoonspoon EarthPosts: 162 Helping Hand
    FordRanger wrote: »
    spoon wrote: »
    Woah hey Ford! Welcome to boards!

    Academia isn't for everybody but this world has plenty to offer and so you will find something more your forte if you quit telling yourself you're a failure. You're only a failure when your at your last breath with nothing, but you have plenty of time! It's okay to take time in figuring out what you want in life and what might be the best route for you to go. You are just who you so if you find a route that might not be traditional, go for it! Please don't give up. I don't mean don't give up in college or whatever, I mean don't give up in trying to succeed because there's many ways you can.

    Have you considered looking at Level 2 apprenticeships? The reason why some of the apprenticeships you found only lets you be in when you have GCSEs might be because the ones you find are probably Level 3 (equivalent to A Levels). Colleges and 6th forms sometimes advertise Level 3 and 4 and even degree apprenticeship stuff because I guess they assume that most people got their GCSEs or even A Levels or equivalents such as BTECs or T Levels. A Level 2 apprenticeship would be equivalent to GCSEs so you might have better luck getting in and work you way up from there. You might love it more, working as you learn. getting paid (not much because duh it's an apprenticeship but it's a motive which is what you might be looking for) and it might do you good. It might be like a fresh start. You will do okay eventually Ford!

    I just feel like because everyone else is getting ahead and im still in college. I feel like ive been a failure since I left secondary school. I dropped out of college after a few days after leaving school then a year later i went back and i have just had people making fun of me there, staff nagging me, failing tests, famliy issues, confidence issues and i feel like its just one thing after another.

    People always take the piss out of me because im still in college at 21. might consider a level 2 apprenticeship though

    Plenty of 21 year olds go to college, I'm surprised they even take the piss out of it. I never went to college (went to 6th Form) but according to my friends, there are so many people in their 20s. Maybe it's different where you are though. If you keep thinking about how everyone is ahead of you, you're never going to move forward. You are capable, you just need to remember that where you are now is your business and not the people who make fun of you. Confidence can take a lot of time to develop, but it starts with knowing how you are and what's best for you, not what others think.
    Whats a signatureeeww
    roxby
  • roxbyroxby Posts: 23 Boards Initiate
    Hi @FordRanger I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling at the moment

    Life isn't linear, many people get their GCSE's at different points in their life, and some people never get them at all and are still successful. My sister in-law re-took her GCSE maths in her late twenties and has now just finished her Post Graduate Certificate in Education and is a qualified teacher! Do you have any idea of what sort of job you'd like to be self-employed in?

    No one else has to live your life except you, so in my opinion you should do what you think is best for yourself - whether that be continuing college, doing an apprenticeship or something completely different - and ignore other people taking the piss.




    spoon
  • FordRangerFordRanger Posts: 10 Settling in
    spoon wrote: »
    FordRanger wrote: »
    spoon wrote: »
    Woah hey Ford! Welcome to boards!

    Academia isn't for everybody but this world has plenty to offer and so you will find something more your forte if you quit telling yourself you're a failure. You're only a failure when your at your last breath with nothing, but you have plenty of time! It's okay to take time in figuring out what you want in life and what might be the best route for you to go. You are just who you so if you find a route that might not be traditional, go for it! Please don't give up. I don't mean don't give up in college or whatever, I mean don't give up in trying to succeed because there's many ways you can.

    Have you considered looking at Level 2 apprenticeships? The reason why some of the apprenticeships you found only lets you be in when you have GCSEs might be because the ones you find are probably Level 3 (equivalent to A Levels). Colleges and 6th forms sometimes advertise Level 3 and 4 and even degree apprenticeship stuff because I guess they assume that most people got their GCSEs or even A Levels or equivalents such as BTECs or T Levels. A Level 2 apprenticeship would be equivalent to GCSEs so you might have better luck getting in and work you way up from there. You might love it more, working as you learn. getting paid (not much because duh it's an apprenticeship but it's a motive which is what you might be looking for) and it might do you good. It might be like a fresh start. You will do okay eventually Ford!

    I just feel like because everyone else is getting ahead and im still in college. I feel like ive been a failure since I left secondary school. I dropped out of college after a few days after leaving school then a year later i went back and i have just had people making fun of me there, staff nagging me, failing tests, famliy issues, confidence issues and i feel like its just one thing after another.

    People always take the piss out of me because im still in college at 21. might consider a level 2 apprenticeship though

    Plenty of 21 year olds go to college, I'm surprised they even take the piss out of it. I never went to college (went to 6th Form) but according to my friends, there are so many people in their 20s. Maybe it's different where you are though. If you keep thinking about how everyone is ahead of you, you're never going to move forward. You are capable, you just need to remember that where you are now is your business and not the people who make fun of you. Confidence can take a lot of time to develop, but it starts with knowing how you are and what's best for you, not what others think.

    Yh true. I think some people go back to college if they want a career change but theres not many old people on my course. People doubt me though and it's hard to be positive and I failed in the past too.
  • FordRangerFordRanger Posts: 10 Settling in
    roxby wrote: »
    Hi @FordRanger I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling at the moment

    Life isn't linear, many people get their GCSE's at different points in their life, and some people never get them at all and are still successful. My sister in-law re-took her GCSE maths in her late twenties and has now just finished her Post Graduate Certificate in Education and is a qualified teacher! Do you have any idea of what sort of job you'd like to be self-employed in?

    No one else has to live your life except you, so in my opinion you should do what you think is best for yourself - whether that be continuing college, doing an apprenticeship or something completely different - and ignore other people taking the piss.




    I think another thing that I don't want is going back to college to redo my gcses at like 25, 30, 40s because it's just like gcses are what you do in secondary schools. I see people be self employed and want to be like them guys but I don't know if I will.
  • roxbyroxby Posts: 23 Boards Initiate
    edited June 24
    @FordRanger Not wanting to do GCSE's in college at a later age because people tend to do them during secondary school is understandable.

    It's great that you have something that you aspire you be like! Have you thought about if you were to pursue self-employment how you would go about this?

    In regards to not knowing if you will be self-employed, no one really knows for sure where they will be in the future. It can be quite scary trying to achieve something due to the fear of failure, however it is only by giving something a go that you give yourself the opportunity to succeed.
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