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Am I Single Because I Don't Love Myself?

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1 Just got here
in Sex & Relationships
I have very low self esteem and my mind is constantly telling me that I'll never be good enough for a relationship and no one will ever want me. I've never been in a relationship (I'm 19) and have kissed two people in the last 2 months, but nothing serious came from either of them. I've always had it drilled into me that in order for someone else to love me I have to love myself, but my self confidence is so low I feel like this is never going to happen. Is this normal?
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Fruit loop Deactivated Posts: 2,762 Boards Guru
    Strictly speaking you don't have to "love yourself" I'm in a relationship and I'm still in the process of doing so. 

    Nobody ever walks this life alone you'll find someone who loves you trust me. 

    We can always improve the kindness we have for ourselves because we can be our biggest bully.
    It takes time and hard work to achieve this and as I say I'm still trying.

    Try to remain positive, you're worthy of love and you will find such love :) x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Smol Bean Posts: 666 Incredible Poster
    Hey, Welcome to the Mix,

    Sometimes loving someone else helps you to love yourself, because they point out the good parts of you you might not have noticed. 

    You don't have to love yourself to love someone else. Perhaps write down a few things about yourself that you do like, number one could be that you were brave enough to come here and write down how you feel.

    How about trying to take the first step? if you feel up to it, ask someone to meet up with you as friends and then just hang out and get to know one another. If you know them well you might feel more confident if you ever found that you wanted to date them. Plus you can always meet other people in groups, so asking friends to hang out is also a good way to get to know people better and begin to feel more confident. :)  

    You are unique and brave, you don't have to feel good enough for anyone, just as long as you feel good enough for yourself. 
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    Hey

    feel the same. Dunno if normal or not. But I always push people away, as low self esteem, that I feel not even deserving of love. But of corse everyone is. 

    I think it’s hard getting into a relationship when such low confidence and soemtimes I don’t believe beingwith someone who compliments ect could help either. As I think it’s something that comes from within, yeah defo could help, but you need to build that self confidence your self and have to learn how to love yourself as all deserve it. Because is hard to expect someone to love us when don’t love ourselves and can be forever doubting whether someone actually loves us or not. And working on self could defineltiy help. 
    Take care
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 0 Just got here
    edited September 18
    Hell @Past User - welcome to The Mix. I'm Mandy.  :)

    When I started to treat myself like someone I cared about, then I began to see good things about my personality that I could actually begin loving. Someone very close to me suggested it, and like Eyepatch put forward, I began writing some things about myself that I really liked.

    By doing so, I could share these things to people that I knew and felt comfortable with. It also helped me find a path in which I could take better care of myself because it broke down my low esteem making it easier to reach out to others.

    I'm no longer single. It took a little time - about 3 months, looking back - and a lot of courage also to stop comparing myself to others. And when you least expect it, someone will come to you because they'll see somone really nice and want to be with.


    Post edited by TheMix on
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 151 Helping Hand
    edited September 2018
    Hey,

    Sorry this reply is so late, but I think I understand your worries somewhat, and I’m sure a lot of other people can relate too! I want to reiterate what other people have mentioned here already, that loving yourself is not the defining factor for being in a relationship.

    Personally, I think that self-love is one of the most important things to me, and it can certainly help form the foundation of a happier and healthier relationship, but it’s not so easy to attain (self-love). I think I can understand where the idea of its necessity for having a relationship comes from, since if you’re more comfortable and happy with yourself, you’re not likely to be as insecure in general and hence with your relationship. Otherwise, it might be that you’re constantly feeling inadequate with yourself and constantly questioning the relationship, for example. 

    But I don’t think this is always the case and, like others have said earlier, having a relationship, especially with someone who is able to understand and compromise with your struggles with low self-image, could actually help you with these things, rather than exasperate them? It’s quite a case-by-case thing, I think.

    Even though it might feel quite tough, or lonely at times, please remember that you’re not alone in not having a relationship at your age, or even older ages! I know personally that it can be easy to long for that sort of affection when you don’t have it, but we don’t need to let it rule our lives. I like to think that (and, maybe, this is just the hopeless, idealistic romantic in me), while we’re out making memories and enjoying our lives, things will fall into place when we least expect it and the right person will come around, some day. 😌

    Keep your chin up, buttercup!
    -peachysoo
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