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Will this referal wreck my life? & My parents don't understand.
Former Member
:)Posts: 2,072 Boards Champion
So as I've mentioned before - my parents found out everything!
I got a letter today, for a referal to clinical psychology at a hospital. The doctor told me it would be cmht at the health centre, so I'm rather confused? What does this mean? The letter gives me the option to accept or decline an appointment.
Mum thinks it's a bad idea, she's convinced they send people to inpatients (I tried to explain they don't do this unless things are very bad). Then she says it will look bad in the future and that my antidepressant taking looks bad. Will this haunt me in the future, even when I'm past everything?
Plus if I do decide to go, how am I going to cope with parents. Honestly, I can't manage this, just as they calmed down a bit, now this. Also, parents took my meds and give me daily, how patronising! I accepted as I didn't want things to escalate. But am planning to try and convince them to let me dispense my own.
Now I'm feeling like shit, I don't know what to do. I spoke to breathing space, and the woman regonised me and said your a regular caller and I think they could support you better than us. I think it's a good idea.
Mum asked me what is actually wrong. I tried to explain, It was truthful but not completely honest (many reasons as to why I can't tell her that). Then she's like, you just need to focus on right now, I just agreed and said thanks......
it's not that easy. From what mums said, she thinks it's easy as just thinking another way, right now and that antidepressants are fixing a imbalance in my brain and that they just fix things.
I really don't know what to do, either way I'm doomed. Now I really want to move out, although I know it's not an option. Feeling I want to get away from all this.....
I got a letter today, for a referal to clinical psychology at a hospital. The doctor told me it would be cmht at the health centre, so I'm rather confused? What does this mean? The letter gives me the option to accept or decline an appointment.
Mum thinks it's a bad idea, she's convinced they send people to inpatients (I tried to explain they don't do this unless things are very bad). Then she says it will look bad in the future and that my antidepressant taking looks bad. Will this haunt me in the future, even when I'm past everything?
Plus if I do decide to go, how am I going to cope with parents. Honestly, I can't manage this, just as they calmed down a bit, now this. Also, parents took my meds and give me daily, how patronising! I accepted as I didn't want things to escalate. But am planning to try and convince them to let me dispense my own.
Now I'm feeling like shit, I don't know what to do. I spoke to breathing space, and the woman regonised me and said your a regular caller and I think they could support you better than us. I think it's a good idea.
Mum asked me what is actually wrong. I tried to explain, It was truthful but not completely honest (many reasons as to why I can't tell her that). Then she's like, you just need to focus on right now, I just agreed and said thanks......
it's not that easy. From what mums said, she thinks it's easy as just thinking another way, right now and that antidepressants are fixing a imbalance in my brain and that they just fix things.I really don't know what to do, either way I'm doomed. Now I really want to move out, although I know it's not an option. Feeling I want to get away from all this.....
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Comments
The first appointment is normally for them to explain how they might be able to help you, and for you to talk through what you are feeling at the moment.
At the end of the day it is up to you, but if you feel it will help you, then you should probably at least see what they can do for you.
What does your dad think of it all? If he is slightly more relaxed you could ask him to also help persuade your mum that you should go for the psychology service? You could also get your mum to talk to someone at the service so she can understand what they do and that they won't make you inpatient unless you are really ill.
The only other thing I want to say is that any medication or services you access won't go on a form of record employers see, so you don't need to worry about this (unless your chosen career requires health screenings - even so, you can say you're past it and have moved on). I really wouldn't let this stop you from getting the help you need - that is what is more important now than anything else.
I think I should go to be honest. I want to go, it's just issues with my parents and now worries about the future (in relation to employment).
Haven't spoke to dad about it yet, as he's busy. Just got the letter today. I guess, I'll just wait and see.
I'm feeling very alone at the moment.........
That's a good point I guess.
Well I might have to. Honestly mum doesn't understand and I think she's trying to reassure herself- she hands me an article on SAD and said maybe it's this, then says the meds will fix the balance in your brain, it's just a little....... - really it's getting on my nerves
Another concern of mine is, the appointment is at the hospital where my auntie and cousin work- what if I see them? What if they see the department I walk to? - now I know confidentiality and all but this still worries me!!
Go with your gut instinct. If you want to go to this appointment then please go because honestly, you'll regret not doing, and that will only make you worse *hug*
Thanks for your reply butterfly, glad things went okay for you.
That's a good point, but I wouldn't want to report my them, as we are family. Thing is are they allowed to talk to you (when you are on your own) about it? (Ie say I saw you .....). Think it would be a shock if they found out.
Anyways I've decided, to just go ahead and accept the referral today (behind my parents back). I will still ask the GP for more information on Friday, and depending I may tell my parents. If they don't agree I won't tell them. Plus, I've just realised that I've already been on antidepressants, saw a crisis team once (parents don't know that) so it wouldn't make any difference if it haunts me later. Hence, I might as well accept the help being offered. I'm going to ask for more info on the phone today, about where it is exactly, how they contact me for appointment etc. (they said they may do it via phone).
Oh and I bumped into the student nurse at uni today, unexpectedly. She said hi and was asking how I am. Managed to have a chat with her at the same time - she reminded me of the chat we had, that I am doing this for me, no one else. Just got a reminder.
I feel hatred towards my parents, I'm worried I don't love and care about people the way I should now..... I'm a horrible person for it.
I just want to get away from my parents, but if I started a new life I would have no where to go.
Why am I still here? Why am I keeping my promise to my mum?
I'd just like to reiterate what your nurse reminded you of - that you are doing this for you. It's so positive that you have taken the initiative to make an appointment and a really brave step :yes:
You are not a horrible person, you have encountered a lot in the last few days so it's okay to feel lost and worried. It sounds like your impulse to want to get away has come from your parents' reactions. It's difficult when parents don't understand what's going on - would it help if you were able to stay at a friend's for a couple of days just to help clear your head or distract you a little?
Keep us posted - we are here for you *hug*
Hi Raich,
Thank you!
To think of it, I think their reaction is making me feel this way! They are supportive in some ways, but I feel crowded and they just don't understand! I've been avoiding them as much as possible but I agreed to go shopping (at a retail park) with my mum on Saturday. To be honest, I'm dreading it as I'm worried my mum may use it as an apportioning to talk to me and ask questions. Plus, depending on GP appointment on Friday this could affect it. She wants to distract me and spend time with me, I'm just not feeling it at the moment though.
I keep wishing I loose all care as I'd have the guts to end my life. I just feel I don't have much to live for, so what's the point? Feeling low again, my uni essay has kept me kinda busy but struggling to concentrate in lectures. I also feel like isolating myself (even from friends), I hang about toilets or the library right before my lecture to avoid talking to people as much. Just not up for "happy" chat
They do of course care a lot about you though, so they are probably just struggling to understand if it's not something they've experienced before. They're trying to keep you going - and it's all meant in love.
In addition to the article Raich recommended, could you perhaps point them to an article such as Supporting someone with a mental health problem? And there is some more advice on How to talk about your mental health problem which might help you in your dialogue with them or your friends.
Sending support your way, keep us updated.
Thanks Kat, will have a look at the articles!
It sounds as though your mum is trying her hardest to understand how you are feeling and what you are going through!I do understand though that you feel this isn't the case.
What happens when you try explaining to her?
xx
She just doesn't get the extent, think she's trying yo reassure herself. Coincidently she's been more supportive this weekend. Thanks for the reply !
Have you tried explaining the extent to her as she sounds like a very supportive and understanding parent if I'm quite honest?
How do you feel about getting the appointment in two weeks’ time?
It sounds like your mum is trying to be supportive, but you don’t feel she understands enough to support you adequately. Does that sound about right?
I was wondering how your GP appointment went on Friday, and how you’ve been getting on with your mentor at uni. Have you been able to talk to her about any of this?
Keep us posted *hug*
Hi Raich,
Thanks for your reply!
I'm quite nervous about my appointment, - just what will happen, what I will get asked, what I will say and if they will believe me. It's an assessment so whatever happens determines the outcome. Still debating whether to tell my parents I have a date or not, but they know I want to go.
Yes that sounds exactly right. After chatting to my counsellor, I think my mum has been too caught up in her own emotions too, starting to calm down a bit.
GP appointment went well on Friday, was just a review- chatted with the doctor. The doctor said I just need to be patient as things will get better, and that a lot of I described people have felt similar too.
Mentor is going well. She's very helpful, goes out her way. Always texts me to see how I'm doing, even if we aren't due to week up. Still netting her weekly and it's been good to get stuff off my chest- yes I tend to tell her a lot of things. It's easier to tell someone who doesn't really know you. She's also been helpful in giving me feedback for my essay.
I actually had (student) counselling today and I revealed something I've never told anyone, which has been affecting me for a long time (years and years). It was difficult and embarrassing but I'm glad I did, as she helped me realise it isn't as bad as I think and never judged me!!!
Also got an assessment next month from the disability service (that's who paired me with my mentor)- nervous about that. Worried they'd say I'm not eligible and take my mentor off me, although I did clarify stuff at start and they said that's fine. They said they'd contact my GP for me to confirm things.
Sounds like a lot going on at the moment! How are you getting on?
It is natural to be nervous, but remember it's a really brave step and it is about you :yes:. You might find this guide useful in terms of what might happen and how you can get the most out of it. It sounds like your mum might be starting to come to terms with things - perhaps if you feel able to, you could take one of your parents (or anyone else) with you for some support if you're still feeling nervous?
It's good to hear that you are getting on well with the doctor, counsellor, and your mentor - she seems really supportive and responsive. Could you speak to her about the upcoming assessment with the university? She might have some information and could help put your mind at ease :chin:
Thanks, the guide is very informative! No I think taking someone with me would make me extra nervous- couldn't deal with my parents being in the waiting area. Thankfully they are both working. Also, can't take friends as they are busy!
My parents know I'm accepting the referral but don't know I have an appojtment. I'm considering lying about the date, to free myself from all the questions after the appointment.
I asked about the assessment at uni, they said it's just a chat (like the first time) but just go into more detail. It's so they can find out the best way to support you,but they also need evidence of my struggles. Thankfully, they will contact my doctor-8 couldn't handle doing that myself!
Honestly, I forget that she's a student at my uni sometimes!
I was happy to meet my mentor before counselling as we can stay in the same building the counselling service is (as her subjects based at the same building).