:'( Struggling with being cheated on

Former Member

so been cheated on more times than I can count kick out block out of his life dumped he pick her over me and i am felt feeling dead inside Brocken he all happy and loved up and me well I am left crying in a comer on my own he took everything away from me
yet i still love him and wont him how do i stop that its killing me i cant cope with anything anymore get to night and everything start going around in my head miss him wont him but he don't wont me or miss me or even love me just wont to die then at lest the pain would stop

Former Member

The pain will ease eventually - I promise you that. I know how difficult break ups are but of course I can't completely imagine how you're feeling. I do know that it's like a form of grieving, not having the one you're in love with anymore.

You need to allow yourself to feel whatever you feel because that's okay. Whether that's crying, shouting, emptiness - anything. They're all feelings you need to let happen because that's the only real way you can eventually begin to move on from this raw pain.

Also, as hard as it might be, please do try and push yourself to spend some time with family or friends because it does help in that moment even if that seems impossible.

Im sorry this has happened and that you're hurting so much. Huge hug *hug* we're here for you.

Former Member

butterfly123 wrote: »

The pain will ease eventually - I promise you that. I know how difficult break ups are but of course I can't completely imagine how you're feeling. I do know that it's like a form of grieving, not having the one you're in love with anymore.

You need to allow yourself to feel whatever you feel because that's okay. Whether that's crying, shouting, emptiness - anything. They're all feelings you need to let happen because that's the only real way you can eventually begin to move on from this raw pain.

Also, as hard as it might be, please do try and push yourself to spend some time with family or friends because it does help in that moment even if that seems impossible.

Im sorry this has happened and that you're hurting so much. Huge hug *hug* we're here for you.

my family don't wont to know they don't care about me and olny have three friends they all have lives I feel alone all the time feel like I am not wonted by anyone he moved on replaced me so whats the pot in being here it seem I can be replace so no one would miss me if I was not here so why bother be around anymore tired of living now just cant cope any more

Former Member

Three friends is plenty if they are good friends. Go call them and meet up. It helps with getting over your ex. Go and be more careful in who you chose to be your boyfriend in the future. If everyone always cheats on you, then you go after horrible people. Go for people who are caring and sensitive not just hot or "bad boys" or whatever you go for.

Former Member

StrubbleS wrote: »

Three friends is plenty if they are good friends. Go call them and meet up. It helps with getting over your ex. Go and be more careful in who you chose to be your boyfriend in the future. If everyone always cheats on you, then you go after horrible people. Go for people who are caring and sensitive not just hot or "bad boys" or whatever you go for.

no need to be like that is there its by the same person I was cheated on I don't just go for bad boys or ppl who r hot not that low I go for whats on the inside and I thought I had found my best friend my soul m8 my everything but I guess I was wrong I did not think when I got with him that he would cheat on me kick me out not something u think about it is really no not when he ask you to marry him have a baby with him !!!! yes they r gd friends but they all have busy lives so I cant keep bugging them coz I feel alone and have no one else to turn to I came on here for support not for ppl to leave crappy post like yours I feel shit about myself as it is don't wont to live anymore and you just made me feel so amazing thank you so kind of you I have a lot going on been kick of out the flat I had being kick out of my mothers have no where else to go so yer I think I have ever right to feel shitty and like that what u say do not help so if your not going to be helpful then plz don't post did not come on here for people to have a go at me I aint good looking skinny don't have a lot going for me so I don't really go looking for men it took my 5 years to find my xbf so no I don't go for horrible people like I said di dnot think this time two years ago I would be here if I knew that would not of got with him so again nout nice to say then dont

Former Member

its by the same person I was cheated

So did you know he cheated and then forgave him just to realize he did not stop? Maybe you can take away from this experience then that you should not be so forgiving to people betraying you. Getting cheated on is horrible, this is why most people (I would presume) have a one-strike policy. I.e. there is no forgiving and no mercy for a cheater.

Sorry this happened to you and best of luck getting back on your feet. Just keep in mind that there is nothing wrong with being single. It is better to be on one's own, then with someone who takes away from your life, instead of contributing to it.

Former Member

Hey sian,

I'm really sorry to here what you're going through - coping with being cheated on isn't easy and it can leave you feeling really worthless. These feelings will pass though, do hold on to that fact. Unfortunately it does take time and a lot of heart ache but it does pass.

It also sounds like other areas of your life are tough right now - sometimes when we're struggling it's easier if other parts of our life are okay but when lots of things come at once it can feel really overwhelming as it all piles up and it can feel like the world is against you.

You mention being worried about a place to stay - I'm not sure where you're based but it's worth googling Nightstop to see if they have a program near you - they offer young people a place to stay and will help you to get back on your feet. The Shelter website has some info on these, including a link to search for local support services: http://england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/homelessness/emergency_accommodation_if_homeless/nightstop_schemes

You say your friends are busy with their own lives and you don't want to bother them - I wonder if one of them was struggling like you are would you want to know? If they are good friends then they will want to be the for you and reaching out to them takes courage but it's what friends do. Perhaps just having some plans in to see them soon too will help to give you something to look forward to?

Let us know how you're doing *hug*

Former Member

Jo7 wrote: »

Hey sian,

I'm really sorry to here what you're going through - coping with being cheated on isn't easy and it can leave you feeling really worthless. These feelings will pass though, do hold on to that fact. Unfortunately it does take time and a lot of heart ache but it does pass.

It also sounds like other areas of your life are tough right now - sometimes when we're struggling it's easier if other parts of our life are okay but when lots of things come at once it can feel really overwhelming as it all piles up and it can feel like the world is against you.

You mention being worried about a place to stay - I'm not sure where you're based but it's worth googling Nightstop to see if they have a program near you - they offer young people a place to stay and will help you to get back on your feet. The Shelter website has some info on these, including a link to search for local support services: http://england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/homelessness/emergency_accommodation_if_homeless/nightstop_schemes

You say your friends are busy with their own lives and you don't want to bother them - I wonder if one of them was struggling like you are would you want to know? If they are good friends then they will want to be the for you and reaching out to them takes courage but it's what friends do. Perhaps just having some plans in to see them soon too will help to give you something to look forward to?

Let us know how you're doing *hug*

I feel very worthless right now just seem everything I try I get told no I feel like everything is all down to me I push him away I made this happen I don't think I will ever get over him or this don't think I can ever trust again I don't think I ever be happy again right now I am try8ing to get myself back on my feet but seem really hard to do right now I just wont to give up on everything feel like no one can help me get over this just so fed up with being here now my friend do wont to no how I am doing they check up on me and make sure I am eating and not self harming they r gd friends I just don't like to bother them as just feel like a pain to everyone around me I stay one of my friend last night and down to see my other friend this week so I am keeping busy well trying to

Former Member

StrubbleS wrote: »

So did you know he cheated and then forgave him just to realize he did not stop? Maybe you can take away from this experience then that you should not be so forgiving to people betraying you. Getting cheated on is horrible, this is why most people (I would presume) have a one-strike policy. I.e. there is no forgiving and no mercy for a cheater.

Sorry this happened to you and best of luck getting back on your feet. Just keep in mind that there is nothing wrong with being single. It is better to be on one's own, then with someone who takes away from your life, instead of contributing to it.

yes the frist time but I thought he stop as we was going thought treatment to help get pregnant but I was not to nw he was carrying on with it was going to get married we had a home together for two year like I said not something I planed to happen I did not think this would happen but now trying to pick myself up and its not working I h8 being on my own I feel alone all the time I all ways feel alone but I guess I get over it will have to wont i

Former Member

You're going through a really difficult time - honestly, the way you're feeling is to be expected but it won't last forever. When I broke up with my ex, I felt absolutely horrendous for days. I couldn't keep up with myself. Some days I just wanted to stay in bed and cry, other days I was angry and wanted to shout at people. It is extremely difficult but honestly, you will get through this. I always thought I'd never, ever love anyone again or have that trust with anyone else but that got proved wrong.

I know you feel so horrible right now and that's okay, you're allowed to struggle. As Jo says though, it will pass. Please do lean on us if you need and/or want to. I know when I went through my break up, TheSite community helped me a huge amount. I can recognise how much you clearly are trying too, so well done you, because that can be hard in itself. You're clearly very brave. Hold onto that hidden strength *hug*

Former Member

butterfly123 wrote: »

You're going through a really difficult time - honestly, the way you're feeling is to be expected but it won't last forever. When I broke up with my ex, I felt absolutely horrendous for days. I couldn't keep up with myself. Some days I just wanted to stay in bed and cry, other days I was angry and wanted to shout at people. It is extremely difficult but honestly, you will get through this. I always thought I'd never, ever love anyone again or have that trust with anyone else but that got proved wrong.

I know you feel so horrible right now and that's okay, you're allowed to struggle. As Jo says though, it will pass. Please do lean on us if you need and/or want to. I know when I went through my break up, TheSite community helped me a huge amount. I can recognise how much you clearly are trying too, so well done you, because that can be hard in itself. You're clearly very brave. Hold onto that hidden strength *hug*

I am sorry u went thought that but I am not good looking or skinny guys don't look at me took me 5 years to find my xbf and now I feel lost I h8 the days I have nothing to do when I feel like I am getting a little better I get upset and back to where I stared easy to just give up I think no one looks at me in that way wht would they fat and ugly so why bother never going to have a family or anything so why bother trying

Former Member

sianloveronald wrote: »

I h8 being on my own I feel alone all the time I all ways feel alone but I guess I get over it will have to wont i

The only thing I can say to this, is that it's WAY more important to get over the fact that you constantly need someone in your life. Don't try the shortcut of squashing these feelings by filling your void with the next best person. Why? because if you accept simply ANYONE in your life, it is usually the worst people that come and the cycle will continue. Having friends, and being a stable and content human being while single is in my opinion the very basis you need for having a successful relationship. Never try to find happiness in another person. Happiness always comes from within. If you hate yourself and hate being alone you build up a dependency in a relationship that will always strain and destroy it eventually.

Former Member

I don't know you so it would be unfair for me to make any type of comment on the way you look, but what's clear from some of the things you've said here is that you have a lot of beauty inside - you're obviously really kind, loving, forgiving and caring. Honestly, that's the most important thing - that's what people look for. If someone recognises that inner beauty and respects you, then they'll think you're the most beautiful person in the world to them - whether you agree or not.

Having said that, the most important thing for you to do right now is focus on getting through this difficult patch of your life and letting yourself feel whatever emotion you feel. The future isn't now so just try and take each day at a time *hug*

Former Member

StrubbleS wrote: »

The only thing I can say to this, is that it's WAY more important to get over the fact that you constantly need someone in your life. Don't try the shortcut of squashing these feelings by filling your void with the next best person. Why? because if you accept simply ANYONE in your life, it is usually the worst people that come and the cycle will continue. Having friends, and being a stable and content human being while single is in my opinion the very basis you need for having a successful relationship. Never try to find happiness in another person. Happiness always comes from within. If you hate yourself and hate being alone you build up a dependency in a relationship that will always strain and destroy it eventually.

i am not trying to find the next best thing i am not ready to go jump in the deep end again i get hirt to much before just wont the pain to go away wont to sto feeling alone all the time JUST WONT TO BE OK wake up; and feel ok with life not wishing i did not wake up it easy for everyone to tell me not to do this or do this when you lot all sorted with life and happy sick of being told what i should feel how i should feel it and when i should feel it i am nut trying to find what i8 had with him with someone else i never have that with anyone else don't wont it with anyone wont it with him but not going to happen so guess i will have to move on

Former Member

butterfly123 wrote: »

I don't know you so it would be unfair for me to make any type of comment on the way you look, but what's clear from some of the things you've said here is that you have a lot of beauty inside - you're obviously really kind, loving, forgiving and caring. Honestly, that's the most important thing - that's what people look for. If someone recognises that inner beauty and respects you, then they'll think you're the most beautiful person in the world to them - whether you agree or not.

Having said that, the most important thing for you to do right now is focus on getting through this difficult patch of your life and letting yourself feel whatever emotion you feel. The future isn't now so just try and take each day at a time *hug*

thank you but that not what guys look for is it they go for skinny pretty girls i am who i am look how i look not a lot i try to give what i have to give to someone else but no one seem to wont me so kind of giving up i bene hurt to much and now way to damaged to be with someone else

Former Member

Hi Sian, how are you feeling today? I know it's horrible going through a breakup. And I know being told it will feel easier doesn't always feel realistic when you're going through it. From my own experience, it does get better, and you can learn something about in the process, but it can take a while. I think treating yourself kindly and patiently while you work through this is important. It's OK to feel what you're feeling, and it's understandable that you feel like you're missing something important in your life. I know it's not the same, but it can be really helpful to think about what else is important to you. Are there other things in your life that you could focus on more - friends, volunteering, something you wanted to learn, or do for fun?

I also just wanted to say that different guys like different girls. While the media often suggests that only one female body type is attractive, in reality we have lots of different tastes and preferences.

Former Member

Danny! wrote: »

Hi Sian, how are you feeling today? I know it's horrible going through a breakup. And I know being told it will feel easier doesn't always feel realistic when you're going through it. From my own experience, it does get better, and you can learn something about in the process, but it can take a while. I think treating yourself kindly and patiently while you work through this is important. It's OK to feel what you're feeling, and it's understandable that you feel like you're missing something important in your life. I know it's not the same, but it can be really helpful to think about what else is important to you. Are there other things in your life that you could focus on more - friends, volunteering, something you wanted to learn, or do for fun?

I also just wanted to say that different guys like different girls. While the media often suggests that only one female body type is attractive, in reality we have lots of different tastes and preferences.

i am doing rather crap to day i have nothing going for me i jst wont to give up now just cant cope he all loved with playing happy familys and i am left with nothing so whats the point in anything