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Words hurt ๐ TW// death
River
Posts: 5,368 Part of The Furniture
tonight Iโm just wishing I was dead, my heart has never hurt so much and I want to relapse (canโt finish that sentence so letโs leave it as relapse so donโt trigger)
R told my gf that he doesnโt want me telling her not to talk to him when Iโve never done that nor will I ever do that. Iโd cut R off on DM so it was just the group left. He started saying he said it because his mental health is bad and I pointed out that everyone is struggling and hurting others doesnโt give an excuse. He went โall I can say is sorryโ so I said sorry canโt fix this.
This was a new low especially for someone who is apparently so passionate about helping people. Thereโs been so many things but this was a low blow
I hate being painted as controlling and toxic ๐ฅบ
~ other stuff heโs done ~
- told me Iโm the cause to his anxiety and said his anxiety wonโt stop unless I walk to him.
- Told me I couldnโt talk to 2 others and when I would id never hear the last of it
- Heโs told me to lie to my gf
- Got angry when I spoke to others saying โfor gods sake donโt talk to name โ
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Comments
Hey River, it sounds like it's so much going on in your head and heart right now. Feeling controlled, whilst also being painted as being controlling, could feel so isolating and overwhelming. Words really can hurt, just like you said, and it sounds like you have put down boundaries which takes a lot of courage a lot of the time, so good job on that!!
I wonder if the moderator of that group could give R any warnings or even kick from the group if he continues to make you feel like this?
How are you feeling this morning after those feelings of wanting to relapse last night and wishing you were dead? Were you able to keep safe last night? We're here to listen
I still want to do some hurt @Leyla
I didnโt sleep till 3:30 am either and that was from crying myself to sleep
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@River That makes a lot of sense considering all that you have going on, but well done for fighting those urges last night. I wonder what your day looks like today?
probably stay in bed and eventually sh :/ idk @Leyla
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Hey @River I'm hearing how difficult this situatio is for you, I wonder if there's an activity you could or anyone you can speak to when you might get those urges to SH later?