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Random aah mood swings. tw ED
sxmrxn
Posts: 13 Settling in
Today I felt on top of the entire world. Literally so happy. I did eat a bagel this morning- I HAD ENERGYY. Okay sorry bit unnecessary. I felt so hyper, energetic like I could literally accomplish anything. I powered through both my exams today (English and Physics), barely did any work in maths because I was talking to all my friends and laughing and literally singing and it felt so good and light. Anyway I got home and literally was fine for a while until I just randomly broke down crying? I just looked at what I looked like I just burst into tears for absolutely no reason. Yes- I have been alone at school. Yes, my boy best friend who I’ve liked for 2 years called me beautiful yesterday, which really confused me because I’ve never seen myself as beautiful. And everyone just sees me as ungrateful or attention seeking just because I’m not what they think is ‘ugly’ AND ITS SO FRUSTRATING. like I can’t truly get my thoughts across to people- or I feel my own insecurities aren’t genuine- like I just constantly feel like I’m overdramatic. I just don’t like the way I look- and I hate compliments it’s so awkward. And everytime I get compliments and brush them off- my 57 YEAR OLD MOTHER compares her looks to mine. And that I should be grateful and that if she were me she would have been so confident. She also knows that I had an ED she sent me to a clinic for it- (she doesn’t know about the relapse). I’m just fricking annoyed now.
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Comments
How are you feeling today?
It sounds like its been quite emotionally intense for you recently with both highs and lows.
I just want to let you know you are not being overdramatic or an attention seeker and that it can be really difficult to validate your own feelings when those around you don't seem to understand where your coming from. Navigating how we feel about they way we look can also be really difficult, but as someone who has struggled with their confidence and accepting their appearance it does get better with time even if its not linear progression it can still get better.
Do you have any ways of grounding yourself when these waves of negative thoughts about your appearance/insecurities come through? I know it isn't always easy but sometimes I find calling a friend helps just to keep me distracted from my own thoughts for a bit, especially when they're being really self critical.
I completely understand the frustration with you mother and saying that she would be so confident if she were you. From my own experience it does come from them wanting to help and trying to make you feel more confident in your own body but it can instead make you feel as though your feelings aren't valid, which can be so frustrating when you're struggling. Could it potentially help to speak to your mother about how this isn't helping and maybe what she could do instead to help support you?
Well done on completing both your exams though, you should be so proud of yourself as exam season can be so stressful on its own. I am glad you were feeling so energetic that morning. I think celebrating things like this can be so helpful on just recognising the good times.
Sorry this reply is a bit scattered.
You've got this